how to push yourself to get over the precondition guilt of casual sex and just do it? (dating, married)
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Due to many factors, I have been pretty far behind the curve when it comes to relationships and sex. Did casual dating a few times when I was in high school/college (as in we go out 1-2 times just for fun, never get physical at all) but didn't date in any form for most of my teen years due to personal issues (mostly due to massive shyness/social-anxiety problems) through school, I was socially awkward and never fit in with anyone's circle. No one would invite me in to their group.
I've managed to turn things around a bit and can talk to anyone. I am a different person now I just had to look at this way no one cares. I did not date until college and went on about 10 to 12 dates with different woman so asking a girl out is not my problem.
I lost my virginity in my early 20s to a girl that I was a friends with we try dating but did not work out. I feel like I should of pick someone I liked and some one that liked me back. Lets just say there was no passion at all and did not want to try any thing . on top of that I had a hard time getting off but she did have her first O and i know she telling the truth I know her for a few years . I know she used me because she got a hold of me after a break up and wanted sex said she cared about me. I am glad i lost it though at least i know the girl . After 6 months she called it off and was dating a new guy less then a week later.
Now that i am older I need to go out there and sew my wild oats in my free time i do not want to be a man ***** or hurt anyone just want a few more sexual partners until i meet the right girl . On top of the fact i do not have the time to date .
The issue is not talking to woman but just trying to find a FWB or hook up without the little voice in my head saying sex should be with a girl your in love with do not have to be married or any thing just in a bf/gf relationship and love one an other.
Yes there has been opportunity's to hook up with girls but did not go through with it or make the right moves. I could of been with this one girl i meet at a bar when i was 21 or 22 long story short i was all alone at the bar this girl sat down and ask if i was alone i said yes then she ask if I wanted to go back to her place .She flat out told me she was not interested in names she just told me your cute and it has been a while. I chicken out I was still a virgin so I had no sexual confidence at all or I might have done it.
So how can i just have casual sex without there being this feeling of I am about to do something wrong? Most woman my age have had many partners and do not want to an inexperienced guy they want a confident guy I know all woman are different but if I had a few more partners I will feel more self-confident like I done this a few times with a few woman and I can do this.
Last edited by krieger00; 07-27-2013 at 11:02 PM..
If you can't stand the heat, don't go in the kitchen. You're telling yourself you have to go out there and collect a bunch of notches on your belt just because everyone else is doing it? Who said everyone else is doing it? Who said most women your age have had many partners? And who cares if they have? If you feel like you're about to do something wrong, don't do it. Why not go out there and find a woman you actually like, and want to get to know better? If you're the shy type, find a shy girl. She won't have had many partners, if any at all. You're really making too big a deal out of this. You don't need a lot of confidence. You just need someone who cares about you. The rest is irrelevant.
I just do not want to have performance anxiety if i really liked a girl . Some woman have a 3 strikes your out rule if a guy is bad in bed.
Woman judge guys so i do not want her to do that with me if she asked how many woman have you had sex with and yes woman around her ask. If i say one she think that something is wrong with me . On the other hand if i say 3 or 5 she be like ok he is normal .
I find it hard to believe that woman want a guy like me.
I do think seeing a therapist might be a good idea so i can stop beating my self up emotionally.
start going to the gym and lift weights. Also, relax more, stop caring so much. you should care less but not be careless. The more relaxed you are about the situation, the easier it is.
I just do not want to have performance anxiety if i really liked a girl . Some woman have a 3 strikes your out rule if a guy is bad in bed.
Woman judge guys so i do not want her to do that with me if she asked how many woman have you had sex with and yes woman around her ask. If i say one she think that something is wrong with me . On the other hand if i say 3 or 5 she be like ok he is normal .
Somebody's really filled your head with a crile of pap. Women who care about their guy don't judge him. If you want to be judged, have sex with someone you don't care about. If you want to be loved, find a girl you could have a meaningful relationship with. You won't have performance anxiety. Nature will take over. Even if you do have a problem, she'll be ok with it. Anyone who would have a stupid rule like 3 strikes your out would be the wrong kind of girl.
Jeez. It's all in your head. Stop worrying, go out and find a great girl.
I find it hard to believe that woman want a guy like me.
This is your problem, this right here. That you find it hard to believe a woman would want you. That's all about you, it's not about the women. YOU are the one judging you, not the nice women who would be a good match for you. Lose the tendency to beat yourself up. Look, you successfully got rid of your anxiety over approaching women--good for you! That's impressive, compared to what we see on this forum. If you were able to overcome that, you can have similar success with this issue. Try a few counseling sessions. Try a couple of different counselors, if the first one doesn't click.
This is your problem, this right here. That you find it hard to believe a woman would want you. That's all about you, it's not about the women. YOU are the one judging you, not the nice women who would be a good match for you. Lose the tendency to beat yourself up. Look, you successfully got rid of your anxiety over approaching women--good for you! That's impressive, compared to what we see on this forum. If you were able to overcome that, you can have similar success with this issue. Try a few counseling sessions. Try a couple of different counselors, if the first one doesn't click.
I know I have a problem with my self esteem and am looking at getting help. I would be nice to get to what is bugging me and talk to a counselor or therapist . I just hope i do not cry or any thing I want to be loved but i have to love myself first .
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