If you cant get anyone youre attracted to should you go after people you're not attracted to? (wives, girl)
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This, pretty much. I wouldn't be interested in the guy if he wasn't in some way attractive to me. That doesn't mean that he looks like a Greek god.
Exactly. I was thinking of this very thing last night, that attractive does not equal "hot". It's what's appealing to you, and is not restricted only to appearance. And inner beauty, or lack thereof, can change how you perceive a person outwardly.
Exactly. I was thinking of this very thing last night, that attractive does not equal "hot". It's what's appealing to you, and is not restricted only to appearance. And inner beauty, or lack thereof, can change how you perceive a person outwardly.
Totally agree. What our OP and other young guys here don't get is, you can't judge a person's "attractiveness" on looks alone.
This is the mistake they are making that is keeping them from having much of a dating life.
Totally agree. What our OP and other young guys here don't get is, you can't judge a person's "attractiveness" on looks alone.
This is the mistake they are making that is keeping them from having much of a dating life.
Once again i never said only looks matter nor did i say i needed some stereotypically hot women i simply said for me to ever feel attracted to a women i have to at least not be turned off by her physically at first glance..
Once again i never said only looks matter nor did i say i needed some stereotypically hot women i simply said for me to ever feel attracted to a women i have to at least not be turned off by her physically at first glance..
I think most people work that way..
How many truly unappealing people do you run into? I see regular, average people everywhere, and most of them have some quality about them that might make them worth getting to know. Who and where are all these women that completely turn you off?
Right this very minute, outside my office window, and I mean about 3 feet away, are several construction workers, digging up a driveway and doing other landscaping. They're all shirtless and tattooed, scruffy, taking smoke breaks, and they're belting out country songs at the top of their lungs. Physically, it's not doing anything for me, (the singing is highly amusing!) but I'd still talk to any of them, and getting to know their character/personality could change how I perceived them physically and may want to get to know them better (if I wasn't engaged).
I've always been willing to give most anyone a chance, and have been able to find something attractive in most guys I've met, so I don't understand how people can be turned off by so many others.
I am with LovesMountains (as is usually the case). Attraction is something that can change with time, or be modified as we learn mode about another person. This goes both ways, too. Years ago I had a girlfriend who had a sister. I thought the sister was a pretty girl before I got to know her. When I got to know her I learned she was a radical bigot, quick tempered, angry, and an all around unpleasant person. One day I had the unpleasant task of scooping her up from LAX and driving her to her mother's home in Murrietta (Riverside county...LONG drive). When I saw her walking out of the airport terminal I remember thinking to myself, "she isn't that pretty at all. She's actually ugly!"
Thankfully I have met plenty of people who have been the opposite, though. It taught me to broden my definition of what I considered to be attractive, helping me filter out "standards" and dismiss them as small minded and immature-not something for someone serious about being in a real relationship. As it stands I am very attracted to my wife and was from the start. But after nearly 8 years together and knowing her on a more personal level, her physical appeal to me has only grown. It's proof that one's attraction for another can grow with time and experience.
How many truly unappealing people do you run into? I see regular, average people everywhere, and most of them have some quality about them that might make them worth getting to know. Who and where are all these women that completely turn you off?
Right this very minute, outside my office window, and I mean about 3 feet away, are several construction workers, digging up a driveway and doing other landscaping. They're all shirtless and tattooed, scruffy, taking smoke breaks, and they're belting out country songs at the top of their lungs. Physically, it's not doing anything for me, (the singing is highly amusing!) but I'd still talk to any of them, and getting to know their character/personality could change how I perceived them physically and may want to get to know them better (if I wasn't engaged).
I've always been willing to give most anyone a chance, and have been able to find something attractive in most guys I've met, so I don't understand how people can be turned off by so many others.
Yea. That's really good actually.
I think your mentality is actually highly attractive.
But also be aware, the vast majority of people don't think like you.
Why preach it though? If it happens to him, it will just happen, right? He'll come back here and be like "Wow. It happened with my co-worker. She wasn't cute at first and now she is."
Personally, I don't recommend that approach, especially for guys who have had it a little rough. Getting hooked in that manner and then not having it reciprocated is one of the toughest pills you could swallow.
Numbers game is just a label. Are you saying that every woman you ask out accepts you. If so, then kudos to you.
If not, then you are part of the numbers game. Whether that number is 5, 10 or 50, depends on a lot of factors.
I never said i was always accepted. If you go out with the intention if meeting 50 women you are going to fail 50 times because women see this as desperation.
I never said i was always accepted. If you go out with the intention if meeting 50 women you are going to fail 50 times because women see this as desperation.
I don't think so. In fact, at least one of times I was able to successfully enter into a relationship, I was pretty desperate, hitting on everything that moved, and expected rejection. The last time I was rejected, I hadn't had dating on my mind for many months and my meeting with her seemed so natural, so unforced, and I expected it to go well. I guess that's part of the reason it kind of f@cked me up.
You can keep trying to meet women through natural, everyday events, but depending on your situation, the volume might not be enough. You seem to think I said hit on every thing that moves and has a vagina. I didn't say that.
In any case, most women you meet will not want to get to know you better. So, it has to be about numbers to a certain extent.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
Totally agree. What our OP and other young guys here don't get is, you can't judge a person's "attractiveness" on looks alone.
This is the mistake they are making that is keeping them from having much of a dating life.
What YOU don't get is that you are totally ignoring the biological and sexual components of attraction. What good is it to have a girl with an amazing personality if when we are in the bedroom if her looks keep "Mr. D" from coming out and playing?
Oh and BTW my lack of a dating life is totally by choice.
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). When I saw her walking out of the airport terminal I remember thinking to myself, "she isn't that pretty at all. She's actually ugly!" 
