what to do when your date is fatter/uglier/older than expected? (ladies, definition)
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Wow, that lady sure was lucky to have avoided having to deal with a douche like the OP down the road. Heads up...that's life in the online dating fast lane. Saying that a woman doesn't deserve decency and respect because she was chunkier than advertised really cements the OP's D-Bag of the Month award. Just maybe she was hoping that a conversation could be started and interest could be piqued...you know, get to know the real her. But no, OP here wanted something to beat off to when he returned home and it didn't happen.
Also, it's not like she posted a pic of someone who wasn't her. That's blatant false advertising. Being a slightly older, chunkier version of the same person isn't. Considering online dating is a meat fest, she posted what she thought was her best picture and hoped that once something got going, things could continue. I can't say it enough....lucky girl.
the real her is a liar who has no respect for anyone else's time. plenty of men like chunky women, she should be herself and attract the guys that do and be herself with them.
he didn't lie or misrepresent himself at all unless in his profile he said "even if you lie to me and use deceptive photos i will still go through with the date".everyone has different tastes in men/women but nobody would ever meet someone they weren't attracted to on a dating site.physical attraction is very important in dating, that doens't make someone a shallow pos.
He lied by omission. He failed to reveal something about himself that would be a game changer. If an outdated photo is a lie certainly this is too.
that's an absolute joke. following your flawed logic everyone is lying about basically everything for not disclosing how they would act in every possible hypothetical scenario that could ever possibly happen.
say instead he sat down had a rink then politely excused himself, following your logic he lied bc he didnt tell her in the hypothetical event she used deceptive photos he would sit down have a drink and leave.
basically this woman is online wasting lots of guys time with her nonsense and deserves zero respect whatsoever.
the idea that if you go thru life trying to deceive and lie to people you should be treated with respect is laughable.
maybe after this experience she will cut the bs, present herself honestly and find a guy who is attracted to her.
and fwiw it's not always about being attracted to someone.
ive had 3 times where attractive women blatently tried to misrepresent themselves to me. 2 i met in person,1 i met online. 2 of them lied about their age (3 and 5 years) and one lied about having a kid.
i have no interest in women with child so that one wouldnt have bothered with at all.with the other 2 i was fine with their real age, but wasn't going to pursue anyone who feels the need to lie about it.
But using the OP's (and apparently your) flawed logic Every profile picture should be a 100% accurate representation of the person with small deviations from the photo unnacceptable. Rather than get bent out of shape he should expect some variance from the photo to the real person.
real shocker the women on here think men should stick around for a liar and buy her a couple of drinks after she already wasted enough of his time.
No, the real shocker is your inability to read. Show me where anyone here said the OP should've bought her a couple of drinks. NO ONE has said that. What we have said, however, is that the OP could've ended the date in a classier way. You talk about wasted time. Suppose you start chatting with someone online. You email back and forth, maybe exchange phone numbers and talk over the phone. Finally you agree to meet. You drive down to the bar, coffee shop, or wherever you agreed to meet. But upon getting there, you discover you were lied to. But guess what? You've already invested a lot of time on this person. So why is an extra 5 minutes suddenly a big deal? I come back to the job interview analogy. Suppose I exaggerated on my resume. A company spends the time to read my resume, exchange emails with me, talk with me on the phone, and then invite me in for a face-to-face interview. But almost immediately, they realize I lied on my resume. And sure, they'll be upset that they wasted their time on me. But do they just give me a dirty look and shove me out the door? No. They chat with me for a few minutes and then politely explain that they don't feel I'm qualified for the position. We shake hands and I leave. So if a hiring manger can spare an extra 5 minutes and still be cordial to a candidate he knows lied to him, why is it too much for the OP to do the same?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AceDaBrain
The stupidity of this logic is astounding
If you went to a job interview that was supposed to be a 100K a year job and it was 30K a year, would you be upset?
If you went to a job interview that was supposed to be a 100K a year job and it was 200, would you be upset?
Answer that question and you will see why that logic makes zero sense
Congratulations. You just proved the point we were trying to make. Obviously, no one is going to be upset over learning a job pays better than advertised. In other words, the issue here isn't that someone lied, but rather what the lie was. A coworker of mine agreed to meet a guy she had been chatting with online. In his pictures, he looked fit and healthy and even talked about it in his profile. But what she discovered in person is that he had awful teeth, probably because he had been an ex-smoker. She said she noticed it as soon as he introduced himself. Did she flash a look of disgust and just storm off? No. She just smiled, pretended not to notice, talked with the guy for a few minutes, thanked him for inviting her out, and then politely ended the date. Did she feel like he misrepresented himself? Sure. Did she let him buy her a drink? No. Because even though he wasted her time, she didn't want to waste his money. That says a lot about her character. Sure, the guy may have figured it out afterwards. But at least she let him walk away with some dignity. The OP didn't care about that. All he cared was that he had been lied to. He's a child who doesn't how to deal with people in the proper way.
of course you should expect some variance, but it's pretty obvious when there is some variance and when someone has been intentionally deceptive.
of course lack of attraction is highly important but there is a huge difference b/w say a blind date you're not attracted to and someone who is deceptive and tries to trick you with bs photos you're not attracted to. the latter deserves no respect, the former does.
if i meet a woman and don't bother asking her age and she doesn't tell me until i ask she's done nothing wrong.
if i ask or she on her own tells me fake age and I later find out she lied i would want nothing to do with her.
of course you should expect some variance, but it's pretty obvious when there is some variance and when someone has been intentionally deceptive.
of course lack of attraction is highly important but there is a huge difference b/w say a blind date you're not attracted to and someone who is deceptive and tries to trick you with bs photos you're not attracted to. the latter deserves no respect, the former does.
if i meet a woman and don't bother asking her age and she doesn't tell me until i ask she's done nothing wrong.
if i ask or she on her own tells me fake age and I later find out she lied i would want nothing to do with her.
OP is a jerk. He has no credibility here. She could have had blue contacts in her pic and green when they met and he would likely find this a major effort to deceive. I would even argue she wasn't trying to deceive anyone because if it's a picture of her, it's a picture of her. Some people are photogenic. Maybe an exceptional picture. There are a lot of possibilities here. If you are taking the OP at his word after hearing only his side of the story...well that's amusing.
denny-the answer is simple.if right off the bat i know someone is a liar and deceptive i want nothing to do with them.5 mins is 5 mins too many.i don't see why i owe it to someone to be polite when they had no regard whatsoever for me or my time.
if someone is respectful of me then i owe it to them to be polite and respectful.if i could go the rest of my without dealing with deceptive people who don't have any respect for other people or their time i would be very happy. this goes for both friendships and romantic relationships.
if i have to deceive someone to get them to meet me i deserve zero respect from them.
OP is a jerk. He has no credibility here. She could have had blue contacts in her pic and green when they met and he would likely find this a major effort to deceive. I would even argue she wasn't trying to deceive anyone because if it's a picture of her, it's a picture of her. Some people are photogenic. Maybe an exceptional picture. There are a lot of possibilities here. If you are taking the OP at his word after hearing only his side of the story...well that's amusing.
well yea the whole point was to ask what we would do in a similar situation. even if the op made the whole thing up i can still answer the question honestly.
as for if it's a picture of her, it's a picture of her- thats a crock.
i've met and have friends who have met people who looked absolutely nothing like their pictures.the people doing this with their pics know exactly what they are doing.
in the 2-3 years after i graduated college i put on about 40 lbs. i wouldnt have dreamt of sending someone a pic of skinny me when i got fat even though it was still a pic of me. i have since lost and kept off the weight and those would be the pics someone would get now.
i actually was talking to a woman online who was pretty attractive.she had 2 pics up and one of them was of her in shea stadium which in case you didnt know closed in 2008.i asked her to send more recent pics an she hemmed and hawed at first. finally she sent one that was just a face shot before finally sending a full body pic which showed she had easily put on 50 lbs since the old pics.
if she was uncomofrtable with her weight she would be a lot better off trying to lose it then trying to trick men. if she is fine with her weight she should be honest about it and im sure many men would have found her attractive. but i really don't know what she expected to happen when i or another guy showed up and she had put on a ton of weight.
but let me guess im shallow blah blah blah should have given her a chance even though i didnt find her attractive and she is anextremely deceptive person.
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