what to do when your date is fatter/uglier/older than expected? (kid, daughter)
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Exactly how am I delusional? I think lying about photos on dating sites is disgusting. Least classy? not hardly, otherwise I would be posting posts about picking up men to sleep with or things like that. I don't, so I'm hardly in the least classy category but nice try. In fact I have class, which is why I would never consider a trashy low class sleazy man.
If the woman Capitol met didn't want to get hurt she should have been honest about her looks.
Look, trying to defend hurtful, rude behavior on this forum is useless...there is never an excuse for it. I don't care who you are...
Let me ask you a question: how often do you go to bars and chat with women you don't find attractive at all?
I don't just walk away as soon as I discover they're unattractive. I won't be happy about having wasted my time on someone who lied, but I also won't let myself sink to their level. That's what the OP did. He felt insulted by what this woman did. So what does he do? He insults her back. That's petty and childish, the kind of behavior most of us outgrew after high school. Part of being a grownup is being able to take the high road.
Someone earlier compared online dating to buying something on Amazon. Problem is people aren't products. They're people! And how you deal with people, even the ones who've wronged you, says a lot about you. The OP keeps bringing up this woman's character. Well about his character? If that had been me, I would've said something along the lines of, "Hi. Thanks for agreeing to meet, but I don't think I'll be staying. Best of luck to you." OK, maybe not exactly like that and not as rushed, but I think you get the gist of it. Do you notice the difference between that and what the OP did? I let the woman walk away with some semblance of dignity, but I also made it fairly clear why I wasn't staying. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them why you're rejecting them. They can put two and two together.
The OP obviously wanted to convey that he was upset and that it was wrong for this woman to lie. Mission accomplished. But he also succeeded at something else. Potentially causing yet another woman to have a lousy view of men. When she replays the incident in her head over and over, instead of just focusing on the error of her ways and hopefully learning the value of honesty, she'll now be more focused on what a jerk this guy was. She may think all guys are jerks and then she'll tell her friends and they too may come to the same conclusion. So than you to the OP. By not showing a little class, by handling a bad situation poorly, by deciding to be a jerk instead of taking the high road, you've now made it just a little but harder for the rest of us guys. Cause now we have to work harder to prove to women that we're not like the OP.
People who behave as Capitol did in this situation make the world uglier, not better. He should be ashamed of himself, as should those who are cheering him on. No wonder some of you are forever alone.
^This^ -- Could not have said it better. Nothing else to be said.
Personally, I think it's about 10% because of the lying, and 90% because the person isn't attractive. I mean, if a woman lied and was thinner, younger and more attractive when you showed up, would you be pissed and leave because she lied?
Agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PhenomenalAJ
Capitol was perfectly right to do that. Why should someone be polite after being blatantly lied to? That's like me purchasing a product on Amazon, the person sending me a shabbier cheaper beat up version of the product, then me just accepting being ripped off politely. If more guys did this, women would stop pulling that crap. Women, you should do that to guys who pull that as well. If everyone did, it'd all end.
Let's stop acting like his date committed a felony. "Blatantly lied to", isn't that a bit harsh?
And it's not like purchasing a product on Amazon, or as someone earlier alluded to, going on a job interview. Dating by it's very nature is dealing with human emotion, so it's important not to be a jerk.
So unless the picture is of another human being or 100 pounds ago or the guy is a foot shorter than he said he was...then and only then may it be ok to say "You're not what I expected, I'm going to have to respectfully be on my way". Otherwise, one should be a decent person and finish the date.
People who behave as Capitol did in this situation make the world uglier, not better. He should be ashamed of himself, as should those who are cheering him on. No wonder some of you are forever alone.
I was completely appalled at reading the OP. I mean, I've been around here for a while now and we've all heard some doozies, but damn......... I couldn't imagine that poor woman and how she must have felt.
No one deserves that, yeah, she was a few pounds over weight and had a really really 2 yr old pic of herself
I don't get the sense that the woman was out with nefarious intentions and was just seeing how bad she could lie and **** people off.... I don't believe most normal adults act like that.
So, taking away the intentional deception portion, why treat someone so crappy???
What you said makes no sense. How is someone "shallow" for calling someone out on deceving them? So if I cheated on my wife, she would be in the wrong if she got mad that I lied about that? No one answered your question because there is no logic behind it lol. Not sure why you'd want to reward dishonesty, do you read about people lying about their job qualifications then think "that boss is a mean a-hole for firing him"? If she had been honest in the first place, the whole situation would've never happened, you're villianizing the victim for god knows what reason, maybe misguidedly thinking women can do no wrong and that fat women are always the victims
Here, I will make it easier for you to understand.
Deception can be putting an outdated photo on your profile, or it can be failure to disclose the reality that one is a complete douchebag. OP seems to think it's wrong to post an outdated picture, but he seems content to be a douchebag and not warn online contacts about it. OP is hardly a victim.
What you said makes no sense. How is someone "shallow" for calling someone out on deceving them? So if I cheated on my wife, she would be in the wrong if she got mad that I lied about that? No one answered your question because there is no logic behind it lol. Not sure why you'd want to reward dishonesty, do you read about people lying about their job qualifications then think "that boss is a mean a-hole for firing him"? If she had been honest in the first place, the whole situation would've never happened, you're villianizing the victim for god knows what reason, maybe misguidedly thinking women can do no wrong and that fat women are always the victims
It's you who's not making sense. The issue here isn't that the woman lied, but rather how the OP chose to deal with her. No one is saying that he should've stayed, bought her a drink, and spent the evening hanging out. But you can reject someone and still do it in a classy way. You seem to think that staying there to chat for even 5 minutes qualifies as rewarding her dishonesty. Sorry, but it doesn't. The moment he leaves, she'll get the message that being dishonest doesn't pay. As for the last line of your post, you're inferring something none of us have said. Who said women can do no wrong? Who said fat women are always victims? This woman deserved to be rejected. For being dishonest. But again, there's more than one way to reject someone. You can reject someone without having to put them down.
Last edited by DennyCrane; 09-19-2013 at 09:33 PM..
Once again people are missing the point. The point isn't that she isn't his type. Yes that would be cruel to walk away. The point is SHE LIED. I don't walk away from men I'm not attracted to, I walk away from liars.
Yeah sure you do
Quote:
Originally Posted by Slanderous
Didn't you lie about your age on dating sites?
Yes she does, then comes here showing off about being mean to the poor guys she dupes.
Disgusting behaviour. No wonder she's defending the OP, they're like 2 rotten little peas in a pod.
The point is, in life people dupe you and take advantage of you and do manner of things we don't like. It is a show of character how you deal with crap. Some people are gracious and understand that no-one is perfect and people hope you'll like them despite their faults and foibles. If you choose to be a douche about other people then eventually it'll bite you on the ass in some way or another.
Courtesy, manners, politeness, whatever you want to call it.
Nah, he deemed her 'unattractive' so she apparently isn't worthy of basic courtesy.
Unfortunately, that's the way it works with many people and it's really sad. It's also sad that he's blaming it on her 'lying' when it's clearly not about that.
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