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You could have finished the date, with her paying for the whole thing though. That way it wouldn't have been a waste of time.
Christ... this thread is just dumb. What sense is there in doing this? "Oh, I'm not interested and you lied, please pay for my sh*t". Knowing how dating sites operate, the woman that OP met probably has a few suckers willing to wine-and-dine her anyway.
The OP is looking for validation. He wants to be told he did the right thing. But if the OP wants to be successful in dating, he needs to start by growing up. Yes, people lie. Welcome to the world of dating. I met a woman who posted pictures that were several years old. Did I feel mislead when I finally met her in person? Yes. But I didn't just walk out. I stayed, chatted with her for a little bit, and then politely ended the date. Someone earlier used the analogy of a job interview. I met with a company last year who lied about whether I'd be on-call for production support. Did I stomp out of the interview? No. Instead, I politely told them that I wasn't interested, thanked them for agreeing to meet, and left. In both cases, I tried to demonstrate something the OP clearly lacks. Class.
No one likes having their time wasted. But that's the risk you take when you agree to a date or a job interview. The OP keeps going on about how his precious time was wasted. You took the time to drive down there, but you couldn't stay for even 10 minutes?
And here's something else the OP ought to think about. People want to be left with some dignity when they're rejected. This is not a war where you need to wound your opponent before escaping. Going back to the job interview analogy. I applied for a job once that I knew was a long shot. I got an interview, but 5 minutes in, it was clear that I wasn't qualified. It was a humbling experience because I was getting almost all of their technical questions wrong. The manager ended the interview. I could tell that he felt like I had mislead about my expertise. And like the OP, he probably felt like I wasted his time. Now imagine if he had used that moment to tell me I was an idiot, that I should go back to school or switch careers. He didn't do that. Instead, he let me walk away with some dignity. That's what the OP took from the woman he rejected. Us men are used to rejection. It's part of dating. We know women will reject us if we're short, bald, overweight, etc. But what we hope is that they'll at least let us walk away not feeling completely worthless. The OP was unnecessarily cruel. Dishonesty isn't trivial and the OP had every right to be upset that this woman lied to him. But being a jerk is far worse than being a liar. Why do people lie in the world of dating? Often, it's because they're afraid of rejection. Why are people cruel? Apparently, because they see nothing wrong with it. I'll take the liar over the cruel person any day.
I agree with almost all of this, except the last paragraph. There is absolutely no good reason to put up with jerks OR liars, though I would personally rate the jerk as the lesser of two evils. Random anecdote, but I once had a girl get indignant because I wore regular glasses, because one of my pics showed me without them (never mind I had them on in all the others).
As for the OP, the times that sort of thing has happened to me, I've stayed for the date, but cut it short after making polite talk for a bit. Of course, this is why I like first dates (if I don't know the person well) to be something free or inexpensive, like going to a museum or meeting for coffee. This way, if it turns out bad, you can still show class while not wasting a lot of time or money. Also helps show the other person is there for you, and not your money.
I am a man, and I've had this done to me, despite the fact my photos were recent and I wasn't fat. It's not gender nor body-type specific. It was deflating and humiliating.
Years later, I am still stung. I am in a wonderful relationship, but I'd be lying if that didn't hit hard. I emailed her to apologize for wasting her time and got back a ration of BS I didn't buy for a moment, as her actions totally belied her words.
That was the incident which instilled in me the notion of "never judge a person by what they say, only by what they do." That woman was a classless POS and I consider the incident an example of a bullet dodged, but it still hurt a lot.
Luckily, I found someone MUCH better suited to me and am happy, now. But that sting haunts me on my bad days.
subtle is different than extreme, which is what I am focusing on. And if the OP is telling the truth, if it appeared that this persons pictures were a couple of years old, then that is not subtle, especially if she does not look anywhere near what she did in the pictures. Any reasonable person would excuse a bad hair day, or not as much makeup, or the person has on glasses, when their pictures had them wearing contacts. But if someone shows up looking totally different than their pictures suggested, a person should at the least question as to why that is the case.
Exactly. The time I left a guy he looked different and when I asked why he had excuses. I realize people will look different in photos than in real life and everyone has bad hair days or bad days in general. However someone who is 100+ pounds heavier, or much older or much shorter is lying and that bothers me.
Btw I wouldn't walk out because someone looked different in the photo, such as even slightly chubbier or looked worse. I'm talking vastly different.
Why exactly would I do that? Its easy for women to say that when they aren't expected to pay for all those friendly rejection dates. Why would I spend my hard earned money for a date that is going nowhere? More importantly, why waste the time when I could go home and do something else? I don't have infinite time left on this planet, so no point in wasting it on purpose for nowhere dates. Do you think Donald Trump sits in a meeting for an extra hour when he finds out that the other person blatantly misled him on the business proposal?
There are no guarantees in dating..and only one absolute truth: "Karma exists, so act accordingly" Your perspective is fine, if you could gracefully accept a woman bailing on you, the second she finds out YOU have flaws that she finds repugnant. Some men seem to keep forgetting that they have attributes, and do and say things that could turn off a woman and cause her to leave, too. It may still be a "buyers market" for men, but not to the degree that it once was. Women are much more selective now and WILL screen you out if you behave like a selfish pig before they get a chance to really know you.
I would probably stay and go through with the date, heck I'm already there and despite the other person being misleading it's rude to just leave and stand somebody up.
People who are high maintenance or crazy tend to tone it down on the first few dates and put their best foot forwward so you have to imagine looks wise people post pictures which show them in theiir best light so to speak. I dont blame someone if they dont look exactly like their pic but if it's so drastic a difference that they were obviously trying to deceive people I at that point may walk out.
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