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IL -- And when you do, let me know! (I'll be 24 in a few days)
-clean shaven (twice a week, let it grow two days, then shave again)
-dresses well, at least tries to match (Keyword--- tries)
-is educated (Does a BA in Business/Finance count)
-does not follow any religion (Can't stand brainwashing)
-likes socialism and thinks taxation is necessary to a properly functioning country; supports the Affordable Care Act and knows it's the same as Obamacare - (I could care less about politics-- I support universal healthcare)
-wants a monogamous, long-term relationship (What I'm looking for also)
-would never go to a strip club, cheat, hire a sugar baby etc. (I went to a strip club once for a friends birthday. Hopefully that doesn't exclude me!)
-enjoys art galleries, travelling (I've been to Brussels, Amsterdam, Munich, Istanbul and Zurich. I'll be going to Dublin and Paris in December this year. I can't wait to go to the Louvre. I also love camping and hiking)
-is vegetarian (Sorry, I have no problems with vegetarians, nor with vegetarian dishes (I actually love Asian / Indian food vegetarian style more than with meat), but I want my occasional burger and turkey at Thanksgiving)
-doesn't like sports so much (I don't know a damn thing about sports, but I did my first NCAA basketball bracket this spring and won at work... based off of team mascots and where friends went to school)
Facts:
I currently am listening to Beethoven. Sometimes that will change to DJ Tiesto. Or Toby Keith. My mood with music changes all the time.
I'm a long time runner. I've been running since I was in Jr high and now run half and full marathons competitively.
I drive a manual transmission because it's fun and because I get better gas mileage.
I'm an iNTj - This means I'm usually introverted, so bars aren't my scene. On the other hand, I have no problem stepping up and leading something with a group I'm comfortable with, nor with going out and talking to strangers when traveling.
I cook probably 90% of my meals (although half are in a crock pot, for convenience). Cheaper and healthier
I don't like the taste of coffee.
So... how does this sound to you? Or am I eliminated?
No, you sound great. Man you've been to a lot of places. Now the next question would be, do we find each other attractive.
You have an awfully long list there. You know, the problem with criteria like that is this: Every time you add an item to it, you eliminate another slew of possible guys who are otherwise great people.
As it stands, I'm guessing there are about ten guys on the planet who fit every single one of your qualifications. Of those, five are taken, three are not interested in sex, and two of them won't think you're all that.
Not really oriented towards you in particular, but politics is about the most stupid reason of all to eliminate someone. To do so smacks of moral vanity, namely the belief that one's own positions are so beyond reproach that anyone who differs must be either stupid or evil. In fact, I'll go one step further. Judging people on how they vote every other November borders on shallow and one-dimensional, because there are so many facets to a person.
What if someone fits all the other criteria you hold out, but might differ in a few ways from your own beliefs? Is he out the door simply because he cancels out your vote every other November? I mean, sure, if the guy plays the speeches of Adolph Hitler or watches Bill O'Reilly, then deep six the guy. But otherwise, try having an open mind. Because people who judge other people based on their politics (And people who spend all that time thinking about politics) are ultimately highly boring and unsatisfying people who have sacrificed their own intellectual lives to parrot the bullet points of others.
Second, you're not really looking for a man here. You're kind of looking for a clone of yourself in male form, somebody who thinks, looks and acts just like yourself. Jeez, what fun is that? In a lot of ways my wife isn't like me at all. Half the fun of a relationship is the personal growth you experience by learning to be with a person who doesn't see the world through you-colored glasses.
But if you cling to a list like this, might as well go ahead and adopt five or six cats and learn to knit them sweaters. Because you're in for a long and lonely life.
I'm not saying go out and compromise every belief you have, but how about restricting this incredibly long and tedious list down to one, two, or even three things.
In fact, I'm going to simplify your life and narrow your list down to the essentials: 1) Chemistry; 2) Consideration of you and others; 3) Interesting to be around. You can thank me later.
Not a clone. My list isn't that demanding. It boils down to one type of guy, it leaves open a lot of room for variety. If he had to be identical to me, I'd be adding a lot more things to that list. Like speaks French, oil paints, draws, and likes Miyazaki movies. It doesn't specify what the guy's taste in art. Good hygiene, doesn't eat meat, desires monogamy, and can withstand an hour in the MET or some foreign films, that is what's most important to me. Like I said, he can be into sports, so long as he isn't a cheesebrain like a lot of sports fans seem to be. And if I specified looks as well, I'd say Caucasian, taller than 5"9, dark-haired, blue or green-eyed, fair skinned, has nice abs. But I didn't include anything about appearance, now did I (other than not being obese).
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,989,150 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by djohanna
Not a clone. My list isn't that demanding. It boils down to one type of guy, it leaves open a lot of room for variety. If he had to be identical to me, I'd be adding a lot more things to that list. Like speaks French, oil paints, draws, and likes Miyazaki movies. It doesn't specify what the guy's taste in art. Good hygiene, doesn't eat meat, desires monogamy, and can withstand an hour in the MET or some foreign films, that is what's most important to me. Like I said, he can be into sports, so long as he isn't a cheesebrain like a lot of sports fans seem to be. And if I specified looks as well, I'd say Caucasian, taller than 5"9, dark-haired, blue or green-eyed, fair skinned, has nice abs. But I didn't include anything about appearance, now did I (other than not being obese).
It actually is very demanding, and harder to find than a looks based list. It would be helpful if you're weren't so demeaning about the traits that you are not looking for as well as it makes you seem very judgmental and critical of people that don't share your small niche.
Well I'm basically boob-less, but planning on getting some fake knockers as soon as I can afford to.
I'm not professionally established in the slightest, still in university. Do a lot of guys think that's important?
that'll simply kill it for me.
For me not to look at other gals, I would like to have what I like as part of my life. Also, I consider sex as a major part of a relationship. I am not saying quantity but the quality.
As regards professionally established, being one I would like someone who has the experience. That makes them appreciate how hard I work and what it means to bring 6 digits home. I don't think a lot of guys think that. Most guys are happy with 36D.
You have an awfully long list there. You know, the problem with criteria like that is this: Every time you add an item to it, you eliminate another slew of possible guys who are otherwise great people.
As it stands, I'm guessing there are about ten guys on the planet who fit every single one of your qualifications. Of those, five are taken, three are not interested in sex, and two of them won't think you're all that.
Not really oriented towards you in particular, but politics is about the most stupid reason of all to eliminate someone. To do so smacks of moral vanity, namely the belief that one's own positions are so beyond reproach that anyone who differs must be either stupid or evil. In fact, I'll go one step further. Judging people on how they vote every other November borders on shallow and one-dimensional, because there are so many facets to a person.
What if someone fits all the other criteria you hold out, but might differ in a few ways from your own beliefs? Is he out the door simply because he cancels out your vote every other November? I mean, sure, if the guy plays the speeches of Adolph Hitler or watches Bill O'Reilly, then deep six the guy. But otherwise, try having an open mind. Because people who judge other people based on their politics (And people who spend all that time thinking about politics) are ultimately highly boring and unsatisfying people who have sacrificed their own intellectual lives to parrot the bullet points of others.
Second, you're not really looking for a man here. You're kind of looking for a clone of yourself in male form, somebody who thinks, looks and acts just like yourself. Jeez, what fun is that? In a lot of ways my wife isn't like me at all. Half the fun of a relationship is the personal growth you experience by learning to be with a person who doesn't see the world through you-colored glasses.
But if you cling to a list like this, might as well go ahead and adopt five or six cats and learn to knit them sweaters. Because you're in for a long and lonely life.
I'm not saying go out and compromise every belief you have, but how about restricting this incredibly long and tedious list down to one, two, or even three things.
In fact, I'm going to simplify your life and narrow your list down to the essentials: 1) Chemistry; 2) Consideration of you and others; 3) Interesting to be around. You can thank me later.
This about sums it up.
The problem is most people don't get this at 22 or so.... for a lot of people it takes yrs and much pain to gather this knowledge.
IT's pretty easy to find the act of eating a dead thing repulsive. Either you are so aloof and ignorant you see nothing wrong with it, or you're a rare one like me who cringes at the thought of French kissing someone with corpse meat residue stuck between their teeth.
I'm always curious about this reason for not eating meat, because when vegetarians just say eating dead things is repulsive, I can't help but wonder what the more specific criteria is. Is it a matter of how intelligent the thing is, how cute the thing is, whether it has a soul, was it mistreated at a farm, etc...? Otherwise, eating vegetable, fruits, and other vegetarian stuff should equally disgust you, since all those are living things as well.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
It would be helpful if you're weren't so demeaning about the traits that you are not looking for as well as it makes you seem very judgmental and critical of people that don't share your small niche.
This right here I think sums up why you're getting so many less than cheery answers. It's not nearly so much what you're looking for, it's how you came across (stereotyping, inflexible and overly judgmental) in describing what you are and are not looking for, whether intentional or not. Maybe you're simply direct to a fault, and you'll probably keep that presentation style, just be aware it's likely to hinder you getting the answers you're seeking since it runs a lot of people the wrong way.
Not a clone. My list isn't that demanding. It boils down to one type of guy, it leaves open a lot of room for variety. If he had to be identical to me, I'd be adding a lot more things to that list. Like speaks French, oil paints, draws, and likes Miyazaki movies. It doesn't specify what the guy's taste in art. Good hygiene, doesn't eat meat, desires monogamy, and can withstand an hour in the MET or some foreign films, that is what's most important to me. Like I said, he can be into sports, so long as he isn't a cheesebrain like a lot of sports fans seem to be. And if I specified looks as well, I'd say Caucasian, taller than 5"9, dark-haired, blue or green-eyed, fair skinned, has nice abs. But I didn't include anything about appearance, now did I (other than not being obese).
Okay. But I promise you that there is about zero variety in this list. Not only are they expected to French-speaking liberal vegetarians with a distaste for sports and a passion for opera and ballet, but they can't have facial hair and not be hipsters. Sorry. Not much variety to be had in this list. Because only a handful of guys would fit all these criteria. And they all probably sit at home and watch old episodes of Arrested Development.
Let's see. According to the most recent Gallup poll, 4% of all American men are vegetarians or vegans. If we drew this in the form of a Venn Diagram, that pretty much lops off 96% of all men right there. Admittedly, there is likely some overlap between non-sports-loving men and vegetarians, but of the vegetarian guys I know, most follow sports pretty closely. So the universe of guys you'll deign to be in a relationship shrinks to an infinitesimal number.
My point is actually a constructive one. By making the men of the world jump through one rarefied hoop after another, what you're really doing is being highly demanding and judgmental about others. I mean, the only thing missing from this list is wrapping the entire thing up with the caveat, "Oh, and he must love me for who I am."
The truth of it is that you're really going about things the entirely backward. For you are focused on all the wrong things, the trappings of Perfect Guyness without really taking a look at what matters deep down, the soul and character of the man in question. To be sure, Japanese films and political leanings might speak to somewhat to the life of the mind, but what is missing from those requirements is the desire for dialog with a living, breathing human being with whom you have chemistry but may not see eye-to-eye on everything. It is really the demand for absolute conformity to everything you like and believe. A quality partner in life simply won't be found by checking items off on a must-have list.
Here's the thing. My wife loves ballet. She danced ballet on scholarship. So the first time she asked me to the ballet when we were dating, I said, "Huh. Ballet? Well, okay." Even though I had zero desire to attend a ballet before we met I didn't sneer. I didn't worry about my man card being taken away from me. And, over the years, I've learned to appreciate ballet. Maybe not on the same plane my wife does, but I can really understand the grace and training and difficulty that goes into it. I can actually sit through an entire broadcast on PBS without pitching a fit. Because it's what my wife enjoys. And it's important to her, it's important to me.
Similarly, my wife has grown to really like some of the things that I've always loved. As one example, my wife knew absolutely nothing about baseball when we first met. Now, whenever we go to a game, she buys a program and keeps score during during the game. By doing so, she's discovered an entire world of nuance in the hidden mechanisms of the statistics. My wife, the ballet dancer, keeping score at baseball games while enjoying a dog and a beer. Now that's a woman.
Why does it work? Because we approached each other with open minds. We decided that, by loving one another first, we would recognize all the things that made us what each other were. We knew that each of our passions in life contributed to the whole person we adored and worshipped, even when we didn't fully understand them. So if you're really, truly looking for someone with whom you can share your life, that's the attitude you really need to carry with you forward. For the other way means you'll spend your entire life fruitlessly searching for some guy who really doesn't exist, spurning any number of really great guys along the way. Then you'll author a thread on this forum about age 35 wondering where all the great guys are, never realizing that the answer is "You kept finding reasons to turn them down."
Okay. But I promise you that there is about zero variety in this list. Not only are they expected to French-speaking liberal vegetarians with a distaste for sports and a passion for opera and ballet, but they can't have facial hair and not be hipsters. Sorry. Not much variety to be had in this list. Because only a handful of guys would fit all these criteria. And they all probably sit at home and watch old episodes of Arrested Development.
Let's see. According to the most recent Gallup poll, 4% of all American men are vegetarians or vegans. If we drew this in the form of a Venn Diagram, that pretty much lops off 96% of all men right there. Admittedly, there is likely some overlap between non-sports-loving men and vegetarians, but of the vegetarian guys I know, most follow sports pretty closely. So the universe of guys you'll deign to be in a relationship shrinks to an infinitesimal number.
My point is actually a constructive one. By making the men of the world jump through one rarefied hoop after another, what you're really doing is being highly demanding and judgmental about others. I mean, the only thing missing from this list is wrapping the entire thing up with the caveat, "Oh, and he must love me for who I am."
The truth of it is that you're really going about things the entirely backward. For you are focused on all the wrong things, the trappings of Perfect Guyness without really taking a look at what matters deep down, the soul and character of the man in question. To be sure, Japanese films and political leanings might speak to somewhat to the life of the mind, but what is missing from those requirements is the desire for dialog with a living, breathing human being with whom you have chemistry but may not see eye-to-eye on everything. It is really the demand for absolute conformity to everything you like and believe. A quality partner in life simply won't be found by checking items off on a must-have list.
Here's the thing. My wife loves ballet. She danced ballet on scholarship. So the first time she asked me to the ballet when we were dating, I said, "Huh. Ballet? Well, okay." Even though I had zero desire to attend a ballet before we met I didn't sneer. I didn't worry about my man card being taken away from me. And, over the years, I've learned to appreciate ballet. Maybe not on the same plane my wife does, but I can really understand the grace and training and difficulty that goes into it. I can actually sit through an entire broadcast on PBS without pitching a fit. Because it's what my wife enjoys. And it's important to her, it's important to me.
Similarly, my wife has grown to really like some of the things that I've always loved. As one example, my wife knew absolutely nothing about baseball when we first met. Now, whenever we go to a game, she buys a program and keeps score during during the game. By doing so, she's discovered an entire world of nuance in the hidden mechanisms of the statistics. My wife, the ballet dancer, keeping score at baseball games while enjoying a dog and a beer. Now that's a woman.
Why does it work? Because we approached each other with open minds. We decided that, by loving one another first, we would recognize all the things that made us what each other were. We knew that each of our passions in life contributed to the whole person we adored and worshipped, even when we didn't fully understand them. So if you're really, truly looking for someone with whom you can share your life, that's the attitude you really need to carry with you forward. For the other way means you'll spend your entire life fruitlessly searching for some guy who really doesn't exist, spurning any number of really great guys along the way. Then you'll author a thread on this forum about age 35 wondering where all the great guys are, never realizing that the answer is "You kept finding reasons to turn them down."
Lol, where did I write that they had to be French-speaking? I only mentioned that as a counter to someone saying my list demands he be identical to me--if that WERE the case I'd require him to speak French.
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I don't think your list was crazy but some flexibility and open-mindedness are good to have. Good luck to you.