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Your anger is justified but I think when she said that, "I will always love you" She perhaps really meant it.
It seems like your ex wife wanted more emotional attention and support. I don't think it is her fault. It could possibly be that two good people just don't get along. Just cherish the time you had with her and move on with your life.
I'm going to be as polite as I can with this, so please don't be offended. I read both threads all the way through, and I can tell you this:
The OP (SKP440...I'll refer to him as "Skip" from now on)........
...had some health issues. Yep, depression is a health issue. It's a disease that needs full time care and TOTAL support from loved ones. Skip didn't have this. Just think if it was cancer or a heart attack. Everyone here would be lambasting Skip's wife.
It WAS her fault.
She chose to spread her legs for the first stud that made her panties crinkle up.
In a public restroom, no less. Two real class acts there.
All the while Skip is coming home after doing his part to bring home the bacon.
All the while where BOTH parents are in charge of finishing up the raising of a still young sixteen year old daughter.
Skip's soon to be ex-wife used her husband for security and THEN used him to further her career. Only when she was financially secure (very), did she willingly act like a spoiled little ****. Just imagine.....if some dirtbag did that to our daughter......
Or our son for that matter.......
Skip could've jumped on the first drunk floozy at any bar at the first signs of marriage trouble. But he didn't. He instead chose to be the best husband and father that he could possibly be. Yes, I realize that for some....that just ain't good enough.
If Skip's wife had one iota of courage, then she would have at least TRIED to make things work & happen.
I'm going to be as polite as I can with this, so please don't be offended. I read both threads all the way through, and I can tell you this:
The OP (SKP440...I'll refer to him as "Skip" from now on)........
...had some health issues. Yep, depression is a health issue. It's a disease that needs full time care and TOTAL support from loved ones. Skip didn't have this. Just think if it was cancer or a heart attack. Everyone here would be lambasting Skip's wife.
It WAS her fault.
She chose to spread her legs for the first stud that made her panties crinkle up.
In a public restroom, no less. Two real class acts there.
All the while Skip is coming home after doing his part to bring home the bacon.
All the while where BOTH parents are in charge of finishing up the raising of a still young sixteen year old daughter.
Skip's soon to be ex-wife used her husband for security and THEN used him to further her career. Only when she was financially secure (very), did she willingly act like a spoiled little ****. Just imagine.....if some dirtbag did that to our daughter......
Or our son for that matter.......
Skip could've jumped on the first drunk floozy at any bar at the first signs of marriage trouble. But he didn't. He instead chose to be the best husband and father that he could possibly be. Yes, I realize that for some....that just ain't good enough.
If Skip's wife had one iota of courage, then she would have at least TRIED to make things work & happen.
No need to apologize though, as I've had trouble reading "the whole story" before posting.
This one just tugs at my heart........kinda hits home.
I'm sorry you went through anything that remotely resembles this. I would not wish this on my worse enemy (EXCEPT FOR THE ONE CURRENTLY F***ING MY WIFE A.K.A. STBX). No one should ever endure this much pain even if it is decided that the marriage must come to an end. I understand she is moving on, but at least file the damn papers, and tell your spouse BEFORE you start taking up with someone else. Then to start to introduce him to your family members and your kids while your husband is still your husband??? She has quite a set on her to do something like that. Again if the roles were reversed I would be a jerk. I get the new modern independent woman needs a more well rounded spouse one that provides financial as well as emotional support. So as long as I was there to emotionally support her I was good because I seemed to have the other part down. What happens when you can't give that emotion because of your own personal crisis (i.e. depression)?? Because you know and realize you can't take care of anybody if you can't take care of yourself. Now see how it all blows up in your face when you try to communicate that to said spouse, and said spouse determines (even though both of you can point to times you HAVE been there emotionally for them in the past (i.e. NOT depressed) that you can't be there for them and therefore decides to pull the plug on the marriage. For all of you single and newly married (1st timers) out there I hope you never have to.
I think it's from trying really hard and still ending up divorced. No one is perfect but your wife obviously doesn't understand that. You are sad under the anger, anger just feels better. She thinks she's justified going with someone else? She's not. She's supposed to communicate with you, not look for another man. I think she took you for granted (of course we only hear your side of the story) and she will likely regret her decision- though I didn't read your other post. There is nothing to be said to an angry person. The old just let her go and if she comes back is so unrealistic. I'd guess you don't want the divorce and she insists on it. Sometimes we are angry when we lose control of a situation. If you want her back later, you may have to take action to make that happen as she may be too embarrassed to come to you. I wish you the best.
I'm sorry you went through anything that remotely resembles this. I would not wish this on my worse enemy (EXCEPT FOR THE ONE CURRENTLY F***ING MY WIFE A.K.A. STBX). No one should ever endure this much pain even if it is decided that the marriage must come to an end. I understand she is moving on, but at least file the damn papers, and tell your spouse BEFORE you start taking up with someone else. Then to start to introduce him to your family members and your kids while your husband is still your husband??? She has quite a set on her to do something like that. Again if the roles were reversed I would be a jerk. I get the new modern independent woman needs a more well rounded spouse one that provides financial as well as emotional support. So as long as I was there to emotionally support her I was good because I seemed to have the other part down. What happens when you can't give that emotion because of your own personal crisis (i.e. depression)?? Because you know and realize you can't take care of anybody if you can't take care of yourself. Now see how it all blows up in your face when you try to communicate that to said spouse, and said spouse determines (even though both of you can point to times you HAVE been there emotionally for them in the past (i.e. NOT depressed) that you can't be there for them and therefore decides to pull the plug on the marriage. For all of you single and newly married (1st timers) out there I hope you never have to.
You are enduring this much pain because you have loved and lost. Nobody wanted to feel like they have been wronged and betrayed. But think of it this way, can you honestly imagine life with this woman for the rest of your life?
You know when my sister was with her cheating husband, she told my brother and I this following, "You guys just need to get over it, I will always choose my family over you guys." If you knew our family, you would know that we can take bullets for each other and she said that to us. Yes, Toxic people and relationships change a person's personality.
Even though he cheated, he ended up filing for divorce. Who dumped who is no longer an issue, the good news is he is gone.
My sister finally realized whom she can rely on. I am taking her to England to see my brother next week and when we come back, she will be working with me in our family businesses. We will spend a lot of time together. It is great because we are finally rebuilding our relationship.
My ex's wife dumped him as soon as she found out he was suffering from a rare genetic illness. Being sick is not somebody's fault, but she still decided to leave.
Life isn't fair. I realized this a long time ago that if we expect life to be fair, we will be totally disappointed.
But Karma is fair because it is all about cause and effect. There is no punishment, only consequences.
Your ex wife might be screwing other man at this moment, but being cold, self absorbed, selfish get people no where. Think about in ten, twenty years, where is she going to be? She will be old, might be sick one day, who is going to take care of her when all she thinks about is herself.
Take care of yourself. Your caring and kind nature is your best asset to attract somebody with quality.
Good luck to you. wish you some peaceful moments today and everyday..
Last edited by lilyflower3191981; 02-26-2014 at 03:35 PM..
I'm going to be as polite as I can with this, so please don't be offended. I read both threads all the way through, and I can tell you this:
The OP (SKP440...I'll refer to him as "Skip" from now on)........
...had some health issues. Yep, depression is a health issue. It's a disease that needs full time care and TOTAL support from loved ones. Skip didn't have this. Just think if it was cancer or a heart attack. Everyone here would be lambasting Skip's wife.
It WAS her fault.
She chose to spread her legs for the first stud that made her panties crinkle up.
In a public restroom, no less. Two real class acts there.
All the while Skip is coming home after doing his part to bring home the bacon.
All the while where BOTH parents are in charge of finishing up the raising of a still young sixteen year old daughter.
Skip's soon to be ex-wife used her husband for security and THEN used him to further her career. Only when she was financially secure (very), did she willingly act like a spoiled little ****. Just imagine.....if some dirtbag did that to our daughter......
Or our son for that matter.......
Skip could've jumped on the first drunk floozy at any bar at the first signs of marriage trouble. But he didn't. He instead chose to be the best husband and father that he could possibly be. Yes, I realize that for some....that just ain't good enough.
If Skip's wife had one iota of courage, then she would have at least TRIED to make things work & happen.
But, she did not.
Thoughts & prayers coming your way, Skip.
And thank you for sharing.
No one is saying that what she did is acceptable behavior on her part.
But you are coming off here as though you think the OP has no fault in the demise of his marriage, and he is the ever-loving Dalmatian who gave his all with wagging tail only to be kicked in the teeth by Cruella DeVille.
In his other thread, the OP outlines some behavior that I, personally, would find absolutely aggravating. As I noted on the third page of this thread, he did not fight fairly, he would bring up things that happened long ago in the past, and he seemed to mistake not cheating and not hitting his wife to be all that was necessary to have a happy marriage.
And remember, we only have his side of it. Yes, we have to take any OP here at face value, but when people paint an ex as evil incarnate, that tells me they are in denial about their own role in all of this, and that is simply neither emotionally healthy nor mature. Divorce, like marriage, takes two.
[quote=Lilac110;33651439]No one is saying that what she did is acceptable behavior on her part.
But you are coming off here as though you think the OP has no fault in the demise of his marriage, and he is the ever-loving Dalmatian who gave his all with wagging tail only to be kicked in the teeth by Cruella DeVille.
In his other thread, the OP outlines some behavior that I, personally, would find absolutely aggravating. As I noted on the third page of this thread, he did not fight fairly, he would bring up things that happened long ago in the past, and he seemed to mistake not cheating and not hitting his wife to be all that was necessary to have a happy marriage.
And remember, we only have his side of it. Yes, we have to take any OP here at face value, but when people paint an ex as evil incarnate, that tells me they are in denial about their own role in all of this, and that is simply neither emotionally healthy nor mature. Divorce, like marriage, takes two.[/quote]
I agree. Some people are too blind to look at their own faults. It's as if some are so delusional they can't see anything that they do or have done to someone. Those people you have to get away from, and fast. They are toxic. Too self absorbed and narcissistic. Good points Lilac.
I know I am not perfect, will never be. And because I might look at my own faults, certainly by no means does that negate any negative issues the other person might have/ has. I once had a girl actually expect her wrongdoings to be overlooked. She was inadvertently trying to imply like, "if I do wrong, don't say anything about it!" Fck that! Find a chump then, because when someone does me wrong, damn sure they are going to hear about it. When I heard that, I knew it was the beginning of the end. Nobody walks on water and if you think someone should play the patsy for you...You got a rude awakening. I really wish more people would look at their own self more. It's a shame so many are so delusional to their own shortcomings.
Actually I think that my biggest pet peeve, might be when someone does wrong, yet they are too damn stubborn/ or angry to admit it or acknowledge it. That kind of entitled b.s. attitude really takes its toll on someone. I knew a guy growing up that was so stubborn, he would argue that two plus two does not equal four. Would ignore the truth when it was sticking in his face. Ok then. For people like that, have a nice life. I'll be just fine without you!
Last edited by supermanpansy; 02-26-2014 at 04:01 PM..
No one is saying that what she did is acceptable behavior on her part.
But you are coming off here as though you think the OP has no fault in the demise of his marriage, and he is the ever-loving Dalmatian who gave his all with wagging tail only to be kicked in the teeth by Cruella DeVille.
In his other thread, the OP outlines some behavior that I, personally, would find absolutely aggravating. As I noted on the third page of this thread, he did not fight fairly, he would bring up things that happened long ago in the past, and he seemed to mistake not cheating and not hitting his wife to be all that was necessary to have a happy marriage.
And remember, we only have his side of it. Yes, we have to take any OP here at face value, but when people paint an ex as evil incarnate, that tells me they are in denial about their own role in all of this, and that is simply neither emotionally healthy nor mature. Divorce, like marriage, takes two.
You are absolutely right you are only hearing my side of the story. Yes my behavior is not up to par and I do bear some responsibility in the demise of my marriage. But like so many of you point out that just because I never cheated or hit my wife that is not all that makes a happy marriage. Yet since she did cheat what I forced her to do so? I made her feel so bad that I pushed her into the arms of another man?? Some of you have said just that. From about the month of March till the end of this year I did not want to LIVE period. Yes that meant I did things and engaged in behavior that pushed my STBX and my children away. I have to take a damn pill to get the chemicals in my brain just right so those feelings will go away. My career is all but over. Time to move on and do something else. I'm not a victim. No one wants to hear that s**t. I did what I did and now have to live with the consequences of my actions. So Saturday I will move out. Angry not only at the situation but at myself as well. My wife is an R.N. with a damn MBA and she saw all the signs and it was still my problem. In the end I could not be there for her emotionally and since I never actually said "Honey I love you but right now I have some things going on with me and if you just bear with me I promise I will go back to being the man you can rely on once again." And instead all of my actions pointed to a severe depression she decided those very same actions meant I must have wanted a divorce so she is just doing me the favor. I guess I should thank her then.
No one is saying that what she did is acceptable behavior on her part.
But you are coming off here as though you think the OP has no fault in the demise of his marriage, and he is the ever-loving Dalmatian who gave his all with wagging tail only to be kicked in the teeth by Cruella DeVille.
In his other thread, the OP outlines some behavior that I, personally, would find absolutely aggravating. As I noted on the third page of this thread, he did not fight fairly, he would bring up things that happened long ago in the past, and he seemed to mistake not cheating and not hitting his wife to be all that was necessary to have a happy marriage.
And remember, we only have his side of it. Yes, we have to take any OP here at face value, but when people paint an ex as evil incarnate, that tells me they are in denial about their own role in all of this, and that is simply neither emotionally healthy nor mature. Divorce, like marriage, takes two.
Just because our significant others "aggravate" us or even become "annoying", is not grounds for spreading one's legs or humping the first piece of meat that makes us horny.
A marriage that has lasted DECADES deserves a better ending.
Keep in mind that Skip's wife decided on a divorce AFTER she banged her new fun toy in a public restroom.
This is the kind of behavior that recent divorcees exhibit.....get drunk, get a new tattoo, then have sex in a notsoprivateroom.
To pour salt in the gaping gash in his heart, she routinely converses with her new bang-bang buddy in Skip's presence, and then gets their kids involved.
This gal set herself up well, and made damn sure that she wasn't going to be lonely BEFORE she even filed for divorce.
I must also promulgate that as a licensed medical professional, she should know damn well about depression and the many traits that go with it.
As far as "knowing" one side of the story, well.....we don't have the luxury of getting "her take on things". But we can try to understand Skip, and help him try to understand things. Really, now. He had the gonads to share his story. And he's been fairly honest & forthright (not to mention articulate), with what's been going on in his life.
I'm sorry if you may be offended by our disagreement on things, and I honestly gave some thought to what you posted. And I do agree with you as far as the "It Takes Two To Tango" goes.
I'll be turning 50 years old this year, and I've seen many marriages dissolve and have had plenty of heartache on my end.
I've learned this:
It takes two to make a marriage successful, but it only takes one to mess it up.
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wish you some peaceful moments today and everyday..
