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I am past the dating games at 67 but as a confirmed CF lady I have had my share of experiences. I was married at age 20 and divorced in my early 30's so I entered the dating pool a bit later than most. Husband and I were high school sweethearts and dated no one but each other until we married.
So when I began to date, I was inexperienced but determined that I would only date CF men. It wasn't easy but here's a few things I did to ensure there were no misunderstandings about how I felt about this subject.
First of all, I did not want to remarry so the pressure of finding another mate was off. I did, however, want a nice relationship that would last as long as it lasted. I always seemed to find CF women to befriend and through them I met guys who felt the same. Often it was through various nontraditional women's groups like study groups, theater groups and things like that. I also looked for older men who were divorced and already had kids who were not looking to support more.
This was during the 80's and 90's so it was before social media and mostly the Internet. It was also not as prevalent for people to admit they wanted to be childfree. Now there are actually groups and websites on which you can find childfree people. Maybe those would be possible meetup opportunities. I do know that I meet a lot more young people these days, both men and women who tell me they are happily "coupled" and have no intention of having kids.
Good luck to all you CF people out there. Remember the old saying "Water seeks its own level." If you look hard enough you can find others like yourselves.
I think studies show meeting though friends/acquaintances/associates I believe is the no. 1 successful methodology.
Do you have a link to these studies?
My anecdotal evidence would be that online dating is extremely successful for people in general these days, so I'd be interested to see empirical evidence to the contrary.
It isn't low at all. Not in my neck of the woods. Work, socially, out and about, there are lots of mid 30s - mid 40s (my social range) childfree people, both singles and couples.
Where is "in my neck of the woods"?
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
In 30+ years of dating, I have only had two partners who wanted kids strongly enough that they now have them.
I like kids, and would have been happy to have them. And I think that's true for several of my ex's. But in my demographic, a person who wants them badly enough to make it happen (and take the hit with career, travel, etc.) is a bit unusual.
I have never chosen a partner based on their future-kid preferences, or asked about this in early dating.
I have, however, been on several dates with guys who were experiencing intense biological clock stuff, and who told me on the first date that they were looking for someone who would be willing to have kids within the first year or two. That was too fast for me, and so I did not accept second dates with those guys. I told them I love kids, but I would want to know a partner better than that before getting pregnant.
And maybe that is significant. Maybe the people with a 'take it slow' attitude towards kids end up together, and mostly end up childfree. And don't reject as partners the rarer people who are intentionally childfree.
What is your demographic? White, college-educated, middle/upper class? I'm not accusing you of lying, but I do find it difficult to believe that you only dated 2 partners who wanted kids. The vast majority of people want kids.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007
Start dating older men. If they have children they are usually grown and they aren't looking for another. I met one at a do it yourself carwash
I'm 20. I'm reluctant to date men who are significantly older than I am. I don't see how a relationship could work between a 20 year old woman and a man in his 30's or 40's. We would be at such different stages in life. What would we have in common?
That's not true. Almost of the men I have dated were met online.
I had to filter through a lot of creeps though. Most of the messages I got were:
Dick pics
"hi how r u wat r u don 2day wanna hang out?"
"wanna see my dick?"
"hey u sexy little asian girl, i love asian women and their culture"
And this is why online dating as a guy isn't very hard. All you have to do to stand out from the competition is construct complete sentences and come across as semi-intelligent and non-creepy.
And this is why online dating as a guy isn't very hard. All you have to do to stand out from the competition is construct complete sentences and come across as semi-intelligent and non-creepy.
I've received numerous replies to my online-dating messages along the following lines: "Hi. I love your writing! You have such beautiful style! Unfortunately I don't feel much attracted to you. Plus, we have different tastes. But I just wanted to compliment you on your writing".
This happens with disturbing frequency. Complete sentences and evidence of a modicum of intelligence can be useful things, but they are insufficient to bridge gaps of culture and preference.
I envy Timberline742... Boston, SF and Chicago. Might as well add NYC, Seattle and DC. Certainly, seeking a partner in some of the most sophisticated and affluent cities in the US would improve one's chances... at least beyond those of rural southern Ohio.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohio_peasant
I envy Timberline742... Boston, SF and Chicago. Might as well add NYC, Seattle and DC. Certainly, seeking a partner in some of the most sophisticated and affluent cities in the US would improve one's chances... at least beyond those of rural southern Ohio.
Well, rural anywhere stinks for dating. I had lots of success in Madison too, but that was in my 20s, it would be harder now.
I too, when I did OLD, received similar messages on my profile (I'm quite blunt about not being a foodie, not drinking wine, not interested in hosting dinner parties, and not being "laid back" which are two things that the vast majority of people want in a partner it seems.)
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