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I would say the percentage of the population that does want kids is around 90-95%.
There are the people who don't want kids, but end up having them anyway because of birth control failures/abortion bans/pressure from spouse, family and friends/they didn't know that not having kids at all was a real option.
Adding to this, over the years I have met both men and women who have breathed a sigh of relief when I mentioned in the course of conversation that I didn't have kids because I never wanted them. It's always nice to meet others who think along the same lines as you especially when you are in the minority.
The older I was, the more often the subject came up. Men who felt the same way would especially breathe a sigh a relief and I instantly became more attractive to them. That certainly got me some dates.
Research report showed that childlessness has risen across all racial and ethnic groups, adding up to about 1 in 5 American women who end their childbearing years maternity-free, compared with 1 in 10 in the 1970s.
America doesn't represent the world.
That tells me nothing about childfree men anyway. Where are the statistics for CF men?
That's not what I said. I said that I think the chances of randomly meeting other childfree people (let alone a childfree man who is also single, straight, non-religious, non-smoker and compatible with me) in normal social settings seems low. The vast, vast majority of people want kids; that's a fact, not just my opinion. The odds are against it. You were lucky to meet your childfree husband in highschool.
The bolded part is my biggest hurdle. I rarely meet men off the street who don't want kids. Usually, they're the types that "can go either way". I wouldn't ever get involved with a man that says that, mostly because he doesn't know himself well enough and could one day, want kids. Very few people I meet at all, are completely 100% against having kids. I have met 1 IRL, one. And this includes people at work, people who know people, etc.
For those that find them IRL, without going to CFBC type meetups or groups, how in the world do you find them? Where are they at? And please don't say, "do things that they would do", because CFBC has nothing to do with hobbies.
That's not what I said. I said that I think the chances of randomly meeting other childfree people (let alone a childfree man who is also single, straight, non-religious, non-smoker and compatible with me) in normal social settings seems low. The vast, vast majority of people want kids; that's a fact, not just my opinion. The odds are against it. You were lucky to meet your childfree husband in highschool.
Maybe you need to move to the US? Especially in the Northeast... plenty of single men like you described. Otherwise, you've just described my boyfriend.
Also, with the OP saying, "the chances of two people not wanting kids is remote," is totally ridiculous. Most of my adults friends (in their 30's-40's) don't have children and have zero interest in wanting them.
Yes, same here. My social circle is in the same age range, and nearly all are childfree and wish to remain so. And most of their friends are childfree as well, and I know that least one of the cf couples met through one of our mutual cf friends.
OP, you need to get into a cf group of friends. Chances are their friends as well wish to remain cf. You may expand your odds that way.
You just have to cast a wide net. I found over the years that no matter what interest, hobby, group etc there was always one or two people who were dedicated CF people. One of the best CF friends I ever had who sadly passed away a few years ago from Cancer was a woman I met in an acting class. She had and I found a CF group of people we didn't know existed in our city consisting of men and women. We weren't looking for one but she happened to stumble upon it on the Internet.
In that same acting class I met a man who was about ten years older than I who had almost grown children from a prior marriage. He was looking for a relationship that definitely did not include more kids. We were a couple for a couple of years. That's another option I found. As I got older, I found it easier to meet men who were not interested in creating a family because they already had one. The older their kids, the better for me because they weren't looking for another mother for them. I always made it clear that if they were divorced and there was a mom in the picture I was not interested in being mom number two. They accepted that with no problem. I also wasn't looking to remarry after my divorce to that was also understood.
I am talking back in the 70's throughout the 90's. I think as time goes by it actually gets easier because people are now more comfortable about talking about wanting to be child free. I wouldn't discount social events. Everything is a potential possibility. You just have to put yourself out there.
To expand upon my previous post a bit as an example:
I met one CF woman who told me she was surprised to meet another CF person, male or female because it seemed everyone she ran into around her age had kids or wanted them. I asked her where she hung out and who with. It turned out her interests ran along the lines of those that pretty much matched mothers. Most of the women she worked with were moms, when she befriended them, their friends were also moms. She liked sewing and the people in her sewing classes were mostly moms too. Likewise crafts and cooking.
I told her she didn't have to give those things up but she should try more things like outdoor sports or hobbies such as photography and things not of a domestic nature. These appeal to both men and women and seem to attract CF people. At least that had been my experience. As one who liked to hike, she joined a hiking club. Voila. She did meet a couple of CF men. She also met a couple of women friends in a karate class who were CF. Through those friends and me she met more CF people both men and women. She really hit the jackpot when we both signed up for classes at out local cable station to learn how TV works and actually do broadcasts on the local TV stations.
I used to help run out local science fiction convention. I met a really nice CF guy there whom I dated for quite a while. Lots of different kinds attend these things. Several of my friends and I always participated in the costume contests which included our trio complete with female Elvis impersonator who did The King's songs as a popular British SciFi character with his backup crew.
As I said before, you gotta put yourself out there and go everywhere. Use your imagination. That's the way to meet people. There is a whole banquet of things to do and choices to make. If you have already decided to be child free, you have already decided to march to the beat a slightly different drummer than most. You just have to set your sights a little further beyond that in creating a different lifestyle.
Well, rural anywhere stinks for dating. I had lots of success in Madison too, but that was in my 20s, it would be harder now.
I too, when I did OLD, received similar messages on my profile (I'm quite blunt about not being a foodie, not drinking wine, not interested in hosting dinner parties, and not being "laid back" which are two things that the vast majority of people want in a partner it seems.)
Everyone in OLD is a foodie now. It's getting obnoxious. "I enjoy small batch craft beer and overpriced organic food, I must be a foodie."
That's not true. Almost of the men I have dated were met online.
I had to filter through a lot of creeps though. Most of the messages I got were:
I've had three dates in five plus years off online dating. How is that even remotely a good method?
Quote:
And this is why online dating as a guy isn't very hard. All you have to do to stand out from the competition is construct complete sentences and come across as semi-intelligent and non-creepy.
I do all of that: I'm educated. I have a good career. I'm articulate. I stand out from the crowd.
I'm not sure what non-creepy REALLY means... but I don't get sexual before meeting and getting to know someone if that's what you're getting at.
Why do 99.9% of my messages get ignored, and no one ever messages me then?
Last edited by variant; 12-24-2013 at 06:32 PM..
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That certainly got me some dates.
