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Well I just had a phone conversation with her and told her bluntly my insecurities, etc. I told her that I was feeling inadequate about our intimacy bc I felt I was doing something wrong or she might not be that attracted to me in that way. I was just honest and told her I was worried that perhaps she might've had that passion with someone else and just didn't feel that desire with me. I cautioned her that it was hard for me to tell her this and I was being completely honest and I was making myself very vulnerable. I asked her if she's had an orgasm with me before and it's ok if she hasn't, I just was wondering. I explained I was worrying about these things bc I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong.
So what happens? She gets really mad and me and tells me she's disgusted by me and can't believe I'd ask that and then hangs up on the phone and ignore my attempts to call back. I don't know if I should've just kept it to myself, but now I'm not feeling very comfortable telling her stuff like this anymore. Tried opening up and she took it personal. I did my best to explain that it was just me and I felt like I needed to let it out to her to get it off my chest. She took it as I was comparing myself, which I was in a way, and got really offended. Maybe she was right for taking it this way, i really don't know what to think or do from here.
Well I just had a phone conversation with her and told her bluntly my insecurities, etc. I told her that I was feeling inadequate about our intimacy bc I felt I was doing something wrong or she might not be that attracted to me in that way. I was just honest and told her I was worried that perhaps she might've had that passion with someone else and just didn't feel that desire with me. I cautioned her that it was hard for me to tell her this and I was being completely honest and I was making myself very vulnerable. I asked her if she's had an orgasm with me before and it's ok if she hasn't, I just was wondering. I explained I was worrying about these things bc I felt like maybe I was doing something wrong.
So what happens? She gets really mad and me and tells me she's disgusted by me and can't believe I'd ask that and then hangs up on the phone and ignore my attempts to call back. I don't know if I should've just kept it to myself, but now I'm not feeling very comfortable telling her stuff like this anymore. Tried opening up and she took it personal. I did my best to explain that it was just me and I felt like I needed to let it out to her to get it off my chest. She took it as I was comparing myself, which I was in a way, and got really offended. Maybe she was right for taking it this way, i really don't know what to think or do from here.
No No No No No
SHE IS PLAYING YOU LIKE A GRAND PIANO
It is not "JUST YOU". She was not "right". Sweetheart, she has emasculated you for real.
Get away from this stone-cold ice princess.
Let's not tiptoe around this any more. This boy/man is in trouble.
Classic case of nice guy doing everything right doesn't get any nookie, yet the first verbal/physical abuser that comes along she'll bang away. You can't fix her type and it's nothing you're doing wrong, forget about her and let her play her mind games with someone else.
Her response to your phone call was completely inappropriate. I don't even have time to go into all that. You should not be punished for expressing yourself.
Is she Catholic or some other fundamentalist religion that equates sex to "sin?" If so, that could be her stumbling block and why she is pressing for marriage.
You probably both should get premarital counseling to find out what the deal is.
It's not a good way to start off a relationship. If the passion is not there before marriage, it likely will continue to be a problem unless she has some kind of blockage, as you said, and has a breakthrough. But that's a big gamble.
It also sounds like there is great mystery adding to the problem . . . like you are trying to guess what the problem is. It shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Either she has some religious or parental issue to work through or she is not passionate and your sex drives are incompatible. Ask her what she thinks the problem is. There should be no mystery.
Her response to your phone call was completely inappropriate. I don't even have time to go into all that. You should not be punished for expressing yourself.
You need to break up with her ASAP.
Could you please explain a little further with the time you do have?
She just called back and told me I was trying to dig up her past and not trusting her. There was one other time about 6 months in I asked her if she was attracted to me, if sex felt good for her and if she was climaxing and if she was completely over her ex. That one ONE other time. She said by bringing it up i wasn't trusting her and she doesn't say something once and not mean it. I told her I wasn't trying to upset her and I was trying to get it off my chest to move forward. I don't see what's wrong with a little reassurance. Instead she just blows up on me and says shes disgusted with me and didn't even want to hear my voice. She said I love you when she called back and was saying I was only sorry bc she was upset and not bc I didn't trust her. She said she wasn't going to throw me a pity party. I told her I wasn't wanting one and I'm not throwing her one for her acting like she was. I tried to open up and all she did was criticize.
Is she Catholic or some other fundamentalist religion that equates sex to "sin?" If so, that could be her stumbling block and why she is pressing for marriage.
You probably both should get premarital counseling to find out what the deal is.
It's not a good way to start off a relationship. If the passion is not there before marriage, it likely will continue to be a problem unless she has some kind of blockage, as you said, and has a breakthrough. But that's a big gamble.
It also sounds like there is great mystery adding to the problem . . . like you are trying to guess what the problem is. It shouldn't be that hard to figure out. Either she has some religious or parental issue to work through or she is not passionate and your sex drives are incompatible. Ask her what she thinks the problem is. There should be no mystery.
I'm seeing its now prob she's not just sexual bc she told me that again before she hung up on me and if she wasn't good enough then to sorry. I tried telling her it wasn't about that as much as me just expressing my insecurities.
Sure, she isn't sexual but I think it prob is just a deep religious belief even beyond that.
I don't know her or you, but if someone I professed to love spoke to me the way you just described, and called me "disgusting," I would never call her back.
AT the very least, she is VERY immature as evidenced by these two phone calls.
She is VERY confused about how her sexuality relates to her as a person, and how it affects a relationship.
You also have a lot to learn about what makes a healthy adult/adult relationship. You both sound like you are on the road to co-dependency.
Whatever her problem is, it controls the relationship you have, and you allow it. It sounds like she operates from a place of shame.
She can't reconcile herself to the fact that she is not a virgin, and you are, forgive me, too dense to understand that.
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