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Others will say if a person's got nothing to hide, it shouldn't matter & if anyone can look through your stuff, well surely your spouse/SO should be able to.
I tend to believe in the latter myself. What does everyone think?
Why does it have to be about having something to hide or not? There is more to it than that. I have nothing to hide but I still would not let my girlfriends look into my email or accounts. Why? Because it is not just MY personal stuff in there but the personal stuff friends of mine share with me. It is not MY privacy I am protecting by keeping other people out of my accounts - it is THEIRS.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains
I stand by my statement, which was in response to jw2 saying " If I were in wry's shoes, related or not, that would be the last I would speak to either".
I DO feel really sorry for someone like her would could be so shallow and short-sighted as to completely write off a beloved family member, someone they truly love and enjoy being with, simply because of some hurt feelings and mistakes made on all sides.
The concept of forgiveness and agape love is apparently lost on some folks
There is no such thing as completely unconditional (agape) love. All love has conditions and a breaking point. "Simply because of hurt feelings?" Are you ing me? This is much bigger than "hurt feelings." Betrayal hurts like a and it is something you can barely recover from. I do not blame Wry at all for severing that relationship, hell I'd encourage it if one of my friends was betrayed like that.
I stand by my statement, which was in response to jw2 saying " If I were in wry's shoes, related or not, that would be the last I would speak to either".
I DO feel really sorry for someone like her would could be so shallow and short-sighted as to completely write off a beloved family member, someone they truly love and enjoy being with, simply because of some hurt feelings and mistakes made on all sides.
The concept of forgiveness and agape love is apparently lost on some folks
Oh, please. "Forgiveness" does not mean that you have to let the other person into your life. "Forgiveness" means that you let go of the hurt and anger. Wry isn't there yet....and she doesn't need anyone else making her feel badly because of it. She feels badly enough about the situation without the finger-pointing and minimizing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
It's slightly hypocritical to call someone "shallow and short-sighted" and then immediately chastise them for not grasping the idea of agape
Yes.
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Dissenter
There is no such thing as completely unconditional (agape) love. All love has conditions and a breaking point. "Simply because of hurt feelings?" Are you ing me? This is much bigger than "hurt feelings." Betrayal hurts like a and it is something you can barely recover from. I do not blame Wry at all for severing that relationship, hell I'd encourage it if one of my friends was betrayed like that.
Agreed. Lovesmountains is minimizing the betrayal that Wry felt....and even blaming her for it. Yes, Wry made the "mistake" (REALLY?) of trusting her sister. But Wry has every right to feel the way that she feels and I don't get people actually telling her she is wrong.
The concept of forgiveness and agape love is apparently lost on some folks
Yet on another thread you recommended that a girl ditch the man she loves for no other reason than he did not see her point of view first time off the bat when she explained it to her. I do not think you are in the position to lecture others on love and forgiveness and understanding here.
Why does it have to be about having something to hide or not? There is more to it than that. I have nothing to hide but I still would not let my girlfriends look into my email or accounts. Why? Because it is not just MY personal stuff in there but the personal stuff friends of mine share with me. It is not MY privacy I am protecting by keeping other people out of my accounts - it is THEIRS.
Teach your friends this important lesson my father taught me:
NEVER EVER WRITE ANYTHING DOWN YOU DON'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO FIND OUT.
It's just dumb. If they have problems, they should speak to you...not write it down. Especially now...the internet is not a secure place. My father told me that before the internet took off - and he is right.
I've got nothing "bad" to hide, but that doesn't mean I don't want some privacy. No, my SO does not have carte blanche to read my emails or private messages. We have a lot of mutual friends and sometimes one of them may say something to me in confidance or I may vent about him to someone, or I may be planning a surprise.
Our wallets are not off-limits to one another (if someone needs to grab some cash) but I've never, ever looked through it. I don't know what I'd be expecting to find?
No, no, no, no...now THAT I find a breach of trust.
You have a problem with ME, you talk to ME. Not dirty laundry all over the universe AND IN EMAIL FORM?! Holy crap, what a terrible and ludicrous idea.
Also, maybe it's because you're not married, but if anyone tells me something, I am not hiding it from my wife. I may not tell her because it doesn't come up or isn't relevant or I forget about it...but I am not keeping deliberate secrets from her (and I tell everyone this up front). Haven't had anyone have any problems; in fact, all of my friends have brought her into their "circle of trust" and ask to speak to BOTH of us if they are having problems, etc.
Teach your friends this important lesson my father taught me:
NEVER EVER WRITE ANYTHING DOWN YOU DON'T WANT THE WHOLE WORLD TO FIND OUT.
It's just dumb. If they have problems, they should speak to you...not write it down. Especially now...the internet is not a secure place. My father told me that before the internet took off - and he is right.
Not really advice I follow myself - but regardless the crux of my point is that I do not lock people out of my email and other accounts to protect my own privacy - but the privacy of the people I have been conversing with. Even my own girlfriends do not have access to my accounts - not because I have anything to hide - but because I value the privacy of the people I talk with myself.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,748,461 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by monumentus
yet on another thread you recommended that a girl ditch the man she loves for no other reason than he did not see her point of view first time off the bat when she explained it to her. I do not think you are in the position to lecture others on love and forgiveness and understanding here.
Thank you.
Last edited by The Dissenter; 01-31-2014 at 08:38 AM..
Oh, please. "Forgiveness" does not mean that you have to let the other person into your life. "Forgiveness" means that you let go of the hurt and anger. Wry isn't there yet....and she doesn't need anyone else making her feel badly because of it. She feels badly enough about the situation without the finger-pointing and minimizing.
Yes.
Agreed. Lovesmountains is minimizing the betrayal that Wry felt....and even blaming her for it. Yes, Wry made the "mistake" (REALLY?) of trusting her sister. But Wry has every right to feel the way that she feels and I don't get people actually telling her she is wrong.
We are getting way off topic here , I have not "minimized" Wry's feelings, only encouraged her not to stay stuck in them.
In addition, I have said repeatedly that her "mistake" was in ASSUMING what she wrote in an email would not be seen by anyone else.
It's been my observation that Wry is an intelligent young woman, but even smart people sometimes need fresh perspective - which is all I attempted to gave her.
I have not told her she is wrong for being hurt, upset or angry, especially at her brother-in-law. Again, I just encouraged her to work on getting past this without wasting more time.
If she was close enough to her sister to want to share such private info, then theirs is a precious relationship that is worth repairing before too much time is wasted.
People tend to mistakenly believe that they have all the time in the world with those they love. They put off saying things or doing things they think they will eventually get around to.
I'm here to say, none of us knows how much time we really have - so please don't waste any of it.
My take on Wry's sister is that she's a wife first, sister second. If she cleaves to her husband to the point where she condones his not only reading a private email but also being dumb and rude enough to blab about it in front of others, then yes, she should be lumped with him.
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ing me? This is much bigger than "hurt feelings." Betrayal hurts like a 
, I have not "minimized" Wry's feelings, only encouraged her not to stay stuck in them. 
