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Haven't read the thread yet. I have always done things to be attractive for myself first. If someone else likes it, that can be ok, undesirable, surprising in a good way/ flattering but in general pleasing oneself should make the most sense. I assume that is actually how people operate. The real liberation is not caring about outside opinions, just your own standards.
That's not how people in my circle operate. They work as hard as possible on themselves in order to attract and maintain the best possible mate. But in my environment competition is fierce. As long as testosterone is flowing in my body I'm going to care what the ladies think.
That's not how people in my circle operate. They work as hard as possible on themselves in order to attract and maintain the best possible mate. But in my environment competition is fierce.
What do you/they do (outside of what you would do anyway)? If you’re having to compete for a woman (or made to feel as though you are), they aren’t the ‘best possible mate’ for you. There’s a huge distinction between dressing well, being clean-shaven and physically-fit to be attractive to women (and/or relative to one’s health and professional life as well) vs. doing so with the intention of ‘competing’ for one.
What do you/they do (outside of what you would do anyway)? If you’re having to compete for a woman (or made to feel as though you are), they aren’t the ‘best possible mate’ for you. There’s a huge distinction between dressing well, being clean-shaven and physically-fit to be attractive to women (and/or relative to one’s health and professional life as well) vs. doing so with the intention of ‘competing’ for one.
I don't see the difference. Competing is competing. I was watching Nat Geo last night and every mammal competes for females in order to pass on their genetics.
So is competing for a job seen as something similar to or something different than competing for a woman?
Is one seen as "natural" or necessary but the other somehow unseemly?
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfriqueNY
I don't see the difference. Competing is competing.
It’s a matter of determining what one is willing to compete for - or not. A relationship is about mutual attraction/interest/connection, not competition. That said, competition in and of itself isn’t ‘unseemly’; in fact, it’s necessary re: admission to academically-prestigious universities, jobs, sports and so on.
That said, we always have a choice (and options). Why would I (or any man) want to compete for a woman (or vice versa)? There’s either an attraction/interest/connection in which both want to start/pursue dating, or there isn’t. Else, it’s simply desperation, attention-seeking or manipulative behavior.
Quote:
Originally Posted by AfriqueNY
I was watching Nat Geo last night and every mammal competes for females in order to pass on their genetics.
Humans are classified as mammals relative to a (short) list of characteristics; however, the distinction is in the larger size (and complex function) of our neocortex. That said, too funny re: your thoughts in regard to ‘passing on genetics’ in a relationship thread relative to attraction.
Competition for a "mate" may not be quite as explicit and in your face as competing for a slot at a prestigious university or trying to beat out candidates for a job but I can see how it is at least indirectly competitive.
Certain aspects of your personality/appearance/career can either put you at an advantage or disadvantage. You may not be vying against 4 or 5 dating "candidates" simultaneously but if you're getting noticed by the prospects you are attracted to then that puts you ahead in getting a date and possibly a relationship.
If one of your strongest suits is your appearance then why not emphasize that...or alternatively, burnish other aspects of yourself that could balance you out? All depends on your outlook. It's doubtful that taking care of your appearance or becoming more active socially, for example would hurt you generally in your life, right? So if they help you get dates, sure!
Competition for a "mate" may not be quite as explicit and in your face as competing for a slot at a prestigious university or trying to beat out candidates for a job but I can see how it is at least indirectly competitive.
Certain aspects of your personality/appearance/career can either put you at an advantage or disadvantage. You may not be vying against 4 or 5 dating "candidates" simultaneously but if you're getting noticed by the prospects you are attracted to then that puts you ahead in getting a date and possibly a relationship.
If one of your strongest suits is your appearance then why not emphasize that...or alternatively, burnish other aspects of yourself that could balance you out? All depends on your outlook. It's doubtful that taking care of your appearance or becoming more active socially, for example would hurt you generally in your life, right? So if they help you get dates, sure!
I agree 100 percent with this take. I have friends who refuse to compete male and female. They sit at home complaining about society and why they can't have the guy or gal with the 6 pack. Yet they refuse to even attempt to compete.
Competition for a "mate" may not be quite as explicit and in your face as competing for a slot at a prestigious university or trying to beat out candidates for a job but I can see how it is at least indirectly competitive.
The point is, we all choose who we want to date (and they choose us). I’d certainly never want my girlfriend to feel as though she is competing with anyone nor would I stick around if I felt I had to. I don’t know about the relationships you’ve had; but from my perspective, a mutual connection/attraction doesn’t have anything to do with competition.
That said, I applied to three academically-prestigious (and highly-competitive) law schools; I was accepted to two and only attended one. :-)
The point is, we all choose who we want to date (and they choose us). I’d certainly never want my girlfriend to feel as though she is competing with anyone nor would I stick around if I felt I had to. I don’t know about the relationships you’ve had; but from my perspective, a mutual connection/attraction doesn’t have anything to do with competition.
That said, I applied to three academically-prestigious (and highly-competitive) law schools; I was accepted to two and only attended one. :-)
The point is, we all choose who we want to date (and they choose us). I’d certainly never want my girlfriend to feel as though she is competing with anyone nor would I stick around if I felt I had to. I don’t know about the relationships you’ve had; but from my perspective, a mutual connection/attraction doesn’t have anything to do with competition.
That said, I applied to three academically-prestigious (and highly-competitive) law schools; I was accepted to two and only attended one. :-)
Aaaawwwww - I just KNEW you wouldn't be able to resist a reference to prestigious schools...
....
Wait, so you asked three women out...two said yes...and what happened with the one?..ha
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