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Who knows why it happened. You can't do anything about what she or he or anyone else has done.
And yeah, some things really hurt. It stinks. Sometimes situations are just not fair.
Gather your friends and loved ones around you. Have some good meals and genuine laughs. Get busy with a project that requires your attention. Just let it all wash over you. We all have emotional setbacks. Time will help.
She wasn't happy being married to you and it sounds like she became depressed because of it. You said yourself that things seemed like they were happening too fast. Maybe marriage wasn't exactly all that she thought it would be.
This new guy makes her happy.
OP just wasn't the one for her. They both got caught up in the romance of it all and moved way too fast.
I love how she's damaged, a gold digger, she lacks happiness...etc because she is now happier with someone else.
No. I really disagree. She was unhappy BEFORE even meeting the OP. He served as an adequate distraction from her issues for a while, then she slipped right back into them. Now she's on the rebound with another guy, but guaranteed history will repeat itself with him.
For the record, a woman doesn't have to be with an unattractive man to feel like a trophy. Trophy is about treatment and how you're prioritized. One could just as easily say that she got on the OP's case about fitness because she felt he was neglecting her to invest time in those things or because his fitness made her more aware or ashamed of her own lack of fitness. Neither is a trophy issue.
Let's also not assume that her relationship with the OP was the good one and this new one with the former boss is the unhealthy one full of pretense. It's equally possible her relationship with the OP was also a self-serving sham on her part since it started the same way at the same place and might as well be moving at the same speed - or is that not possible because the OP isn't a hog?
I get that the OP is having it rough so I'm not trying to be a d-ck about it but it really benefits no one how often a man needs to reduce a woman's relationship decision to looks or money regardless of the billion other possible reasons people point out. Maybe if more men thought beyond that, they'd be more insightful about when, where, and why things went wrong instead of obsessing over the fact that someone's new guy's gut hangs over his pants like that's even the point.
Thanks to all of the responses. This has been very helpful and I feel a little better today.
To clarify one thing, I never worked for this guy. He was never my boss. My ex-wife never worked for him either. We all worked in different departments within the company. Apparently he worked there the same time I was there, but I don't remember him at all. What disgusts me is that he could have been that white-knight type or a guy who tried to get with my wife when we were actually still together. So, a lot of theories were going on in my head once I found this all out.
We obviously had issues, so she might have had grass is greener syndrome with this guy and WANTED to bail on our marriage, but her better judgement and religion said otherwise. So she's stuck with me, depressed, and trapped, and taking the anger out on me - which is completely unfair because I WANTED her to treat me with respect and stay married, but she wasn't working at it all.
So, based on everything that has unfolded, I feel completely inferior to this guy, DESPITE treating her with the utmost respect and like a trophy. I put us in nice home, showered her with compliments, tried to show affection, back rubs, foot rubs, she had the nicest clothes and big diamonds. It's not that I was beta either, I definitely had boundaries and did fight back whenever she got out of line, and I was generally a happy guy outside of our marriage.
It's just SO hard to see someone you gave everything to sitting on some island with someone other than you THREE months after she was legally married to you. End of rant.
It will be hard to see this now, but in time you will realize that things are better without her. The way you describe things seemed miserable for both of you. You were lucky that there were no children involved and the divorce seemed to be relatively clean.
$50k salary is fine. You are young and there is still a lot of time for career growth. Plus as someone mentioned, you are exercising and living a healthy lifestyle. Just take this as an important lesson and you'll find someone who appreciates your qualities where money is not the most important thing.
For now, just try to keep occupied with work, hobbies, gym and spend more time with friends and family.
I know it’s hard for you to see now, but you are very lucky to have had the foresight to have gotten out that early and not have had a child with this monster.
You are in pain, and It’s obvious that you loved this woman, but this woman doesn’t really have a grasp of what true love is and will never be able to reciprocate her feelings to you or anyone else.
Your ex-wife is a phony. Plain and simple. She never loved you, but loved what you could do for her. This why it was so easily for her to jump into a relationship before it was even finalized with you two. She couldn’t bare the thought of being alone once you had the guts to dump her, which destroyed her, so she scrambled to find a replacement.
She doesn’t love your replacement either. If he died, she’d be over it in a week tops and just find someone else. He’s just an object to pass the time with.
The reason she is with her new guy is for the benefits of lavish vacations or more disposable material things. She’s essentially a prostitute, because her love can be bought. You said you guys had a big house and took vacations as well - but you already know that it doesn’t solve the underlying issue that she is a seriously messed up individual with either bi-polar or Borderline Personality Disorder tendencies. When you put up any sort of boundaries with these types, they flip out and say and do all sorts of crazy stuff, leave you, cheat on you, etc. They want to control and beat you into submission.
Your physical value is higher than hers, and she probably resented you for it, since she’s an insecure fat girl at heart. These types of people even resent and are envious of their own loved ones. This is why she’s with the fat guy at her job. She knows that he can’t do better and he was an easy target, and he will continually spoil her and make her even more entitled than she was when she was married to you. He is actually the worst thing for her - as you probably kept her more grounded.
Her looks will eventually fade, and she’ll be fat again once the relationship is secure or they are married, and she be an absolute train wreck who will probably rip into her husband for buying her 3-series BMW and not a Jaguar. You should check in on her 5 years from now for giggles to see how wonderful she is.
I know it’s hard for you to see now, but you are very lucky to have had the foresight to have gotten out that early and not have had a child with this monster.
You are in pain, and It’s obvious that you loved this woman, but this woman doesn’t really have a grasp of what true love is and will never be able to reciprocate her feelings to you or anyone else.
Your ex-wife is a phony. Plain and simple. She never loved you, but loved what you could do for her. This why it was so easily for her to jump into a relationship before it was even finalized with you two. She couldn’t bare the thought of being alone once you had the guts to dump her, which destroyed her, so she scrambled to find a replacement.
She doesn’t love your replacement either. If he died, she’d be over it in a week tops and just find someone else. He’s just an object to pass the time with.
The reason she is with her new guy is for the benefits of lavish vacations or more disposable material things. She’s essentially a prostitute, because her love can be bought. You said you guys had a big house and took vacations as well - but you already know that it doesn’t solve the underlying issue that she is a seriously messed up individual with either bi-polar or Borderline Personality Disorder tendencies. When you put up any sort of boundaries with these types, they flip out and say and do all sorts of crazy stuff, leave you, cheat on you, etc. They want to control and beat you into submission.
Your physical value is higher than hers, and she probably resented you for it, since she’s an insecure fat girl at heart. These types of people even resent and are envious of their own loved ones. This is why she’s with the fat guy at her job. She knows that he can’t do better and he was an easy target, and he will continually spoil her and make her even more entitled than she was when she was married to you. He is actually the worst thing for her - as you probably kept her more grounded.
Her looks will eventually fade, and she’ll be fat again once the relationship is secure or they are married, and she be an absolute train wreck who will probably rip into her husband for buying her 3-series BMW and not a Jaguar. You should check in on her 5 years from now for giggles to see how wonderful she is.
Original Poster: If you are allowing her current situation to bother you this much it is all your issue.
Why in the world would you go snooping around on a facebook page anyway?
Do you enjoy causing yourself needless drama and turmoil?
You are the only one who is involved in any of the feelings you have and those feelings have been brought on yourself because you just couldn't mind your life and your business.
THIS. There is so much poorly disguised bitterness in the OP is it hard to accept this story 100%. I too am seeing several gaps, contradictions and likely exaggerations.
You say after you moved out. "I totally forget about her, until this weekend."
They you do a complete 180, saying how much you really loved her and are now obsessively facebook stalking her husband.
This is one of those tales for which hearing the other side of the story would prove very enlightening.
Let me understand this - because someone else (your ex) acted in a certain objectionable way (the mess you described) YOU have no self worth? How does that work?
What you described should show you the kind of person she is and the kind of person you are.
What you described should prove to you that you made the right decision.
What you described will provide a future filled with happiness for you and the true love you are about to meet.
Do not become sour over what this ONE person did. Do not do what so many others have done - they allow one bad move to color the rest of their lives.
Learn from it, rejoice in your freedom and MOVE ON!
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