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While I've gone on dates with guys with a variety of looks, I've always found myself more attracted to the willowy singer/songwriter types, the hipster at the coffee shop, etc. The guy that had a bit of "darkness" to him that mirrored my own.
A few months ago, ended up dating a stockier Southern gentleman who loves hunting, fishing, etc. Definitely NOT the type I've been historically most attracted to. But he turned out to be exactly what I needed. He treated me better than any guy I've ever been out with and made me feel more loved than anyone else ever has. As a result, I fell deeply for him and had my first taste of what it was like to feel real love (up to that point, nothing came close). Things are complicated now (with jobs and not being in the same city for a long period of time and his not wanting to be in a long distance relationship), but I still remain hopeful that external circumstances will align again and we can continue loving like we did before. And if not... then, it was an experience that I will never forget for the rest of my life.
So yeah... I don't pay much attention to types anymore, if I ever did.
Edit to add: I've found, even in platonic relationships, that personality affects how I perceive someone's physical attractiveness. I have friends who are average looking, but after getting to know them better I find them infinitely more interesting to be around. On the other hand, I also know people who are stunning on the outside but the way they talk to others and think they're all that turns me completely off from wanting to hang out in the future.
Yes, we all know that looks aren't everything. Let's say you meet someone who's interested in you who has a lot of qualities that you find attractive. Let's say that the person is also physically attractive, but just not what you usually go for. If you've been obsessed with blondes all your life and always imagined yourself with a blonde, would it be fair to "settle" for a brunette if you know that your love for blondes is so deeply ingrained that you'll never EVER really stop lusting for blondes? (No, this isn't about Elliot Rodger.) I'm just asking whether it's possible to go against your type and truly be happy with that decision. What do you think?
I do believe people have a true (ideal) type like you say, but people go against that all the time. It happens every single day. It's especially true when they can't get their true type, but still true even when they can if they find someone outside of that, yet still attractive to them.
Location: "Silicon Valley" (part of San Francisco Bay Area, California, USA)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JJS99
Typically rejections happen between people who are roughly in the same league or at least ballpark.
Well that's what I said...there has to be a basic level of sexual attraction. The personality of someone that one considers a 10 would have to be severely flawed (more seriously than is realistic) in order to motivate them to settle for a 1. Of course other things matter than just sexual attraction...but the other factors come into play when determining who is most desirable among multiple people who are equal in degree of sexual attraction.
Location: I don't know..If you find me, let me know.
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Dating someone who's not my type.. um bit complicated but I'll try to adjust myself if possible and the person also cooperate with me so its okay otherwise nope..
I don't understand how it's settling if you're attracted to the person and like their personality, just because it doesn't fit an image you simply want to maintain...
And I wouldn't want a guy to "settle" for me. Sounds like that mentality would lead to a disaster of a relationship. Kind of an immature mindset.
Keep in mind, I'm not against preferences or types. And i'm not sure why some posters like to pretend as though they don't have preferences just so that they can act like the moral police.
And yes, I could date someone who isn't my type and it's not considered settling. There are certain things I cannot overlook, such as weight and height, but that's also partially due to my lifestyle. I don't find overweight men attractive, and to add on, I live a very active lifestyle and eat very healthy.
I one time dated a girl who wasn't quite my type. I was embarressed to have her around and show her to my family. I just kind of always thought that I wanted someone hotter. The second I got the opportunity to dump her I did.
Strangely I did this too. I dated a really ugly man because I was slumming. When he kissed me I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see him. He found someone else and I was happy. I still chat with him on Facebook though. Another guy I was so ashamed to be with in public because he was so fat. He was nasty too and mean. No more fat wobblers for me (and he wobbled). I am ashamed I slummed with these guys.
I can't be with men not my type (ugly and fat men)and after them I never took a chance with someone I had no interest in. Life is too short.
Notice the dichotomy, here. Some guys don't think in these terms. They'd say, "If she's not my type, how would I be attracted to her?" It's so much more about the physical with most guys.
Not all guys are like this, maybe a small number of guys are like this. I do have to say is that I like women with boobs and butt, however if she has a cool personality, its not really a loss for me. But yes for guys looks are important initially but some guys are willing to look over looks if her personality is correct.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DennyCrane
I don't think it's that simple. Guys may focus more on physical traits and less on personality, but when they're actually confronted with someone who doesn't fit their required physical traits, they often make exceptions because they like the person. For example, I could say I want a woman who's in good shape. But then I might meet someone who I really hit it off with, only she's a bit overweight. Because I like her, I'm willing to look past the fact that she's not "my type" and, if anything, it forces me to reevaluate just what my type is.
This is very true from my experience and observation. Some guys make compromises in what they want, she might not be pretty, but hey she likes sports, or maybe creative in the bedroom. From what I seen some guys are willing to look past physical beauty at the end of the day. But what I have noticed is that women these days are putting increasing pressure on physical beauty on themselves but also in what they want in a mate. Go to the gym, and look at all the out of shape women, are they trying to look good for their boyfriend/hubby or trying to loose weight for their own health? Most likely its the first question and not the health part.
I was on and off seeing a woman. She admitted to me that she had to be physically attracted to guys in order to be with them, and she can not take time to allow attraction to grow. Its either initial attraction or bust. She likes me as a person, but also as a mate, but she wants to learn how to make attraction grow. She liked guys that had to be a certain type to her. Sad part is that the guys that she do find physically attractive do not amount to anything long-term for her. Don't get me wrong their is nothing hot, sexy, or pretty about her anyway and just barely average looking with in and out weight gain.
But with me, if a woman has a great personality and we have things in common and similar interest past and present and future prospects, I do not mind being with her. Overall I agree with you. Reps Crane. Now a days I ask women if she finds me attractive or does she have to allow attraction to grow? Happiness is important and I want people to be happy with what they got. If I don't make them happy because I'm not their type, than move along!
Dating the person who is quite similar to you is easy, but there are several advantages of dating the person who is not like with you. Dating the person who is different from you are having more understandings with you, they really change your type, your type may really be your type, it would be very boring to date with the person of your type. Dating someone who is not of your type is very interesting, it will allow you opportunity to get some new things and take new experience in life.
Not all guys are like this, maybe a small number of guys are like this. I do have to say is that I like women with boobs and butt, however if she has a cool personality, its not really a loss for me. But yes for guys looks are important initially but some guys are willing to look over looks if her personality is correct.
This is very true from my experience and observation. Some guys make compromises in what they want, she might not be pretty, but hey she likes sports, or maybe creative in the bedroom. From what I seen some guys are willing to look past physical beauty at the end of the day. But what I have noticed is that women these days are putting increasing pressure on physical beauty on themselves but also in what they want in a mate. Go to the gym, and look at all the out of shape women, are they trying to look good for their boyfriend/hubby or trying to loose weight for their own health? Most likely its the first question and not the health part.
I was on and off seeing a woman. She admitted to me that she had to be physically attracted to guys in order to be with them, and she can not take time to allow attraction to grow. Its either initial attraction or bust. She likes me as a person, but also as a mate, but she wants to learn how to make attraction grow. She liked guys that had to be a certain type to her. Sad part is that the guys that she do find physically attractive do not amount to anything long-term for her. Don't get me wrong their is nothing hot, sexy, or pretty about her anyway and just barely average looking with in and out weight gain.
But with me, if a woman has a great personality and we have things in common and similar interest past and present and future prospects, I do not mind being with her. Overall I agree with you. Reps Crane. Now a days I ask women if she finds me attractive or does she have to allow attraction to grow? Happiness is important and I want people to be happy with what they got. If I don't make them happy because I'm not their type, than move along!
It's funny how differently threads on the same topic evolve here. In the past, whenever I've suggested that guys should look beyond the physical and consider personality, or give examples of guys who have done that and lived happily ever after, huge firestorms of protest resulted. I guess the trolls are on vacation this week. How refreshing!
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