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That's because most guys are confident in their requirements. They don't want to believe that they might actually change their minds about something. I was that way in my 20s, absolutely adamant about not dating someone who was overweight or taller than me. Someone posed the same question you did. "What if you met someone who had a great personality, but she didn't fit your required physical attributes?" And my answer at the time was, "it doesn't matter how great she is, if she's taller than me or carrying extra weight, I won't date her." I ended up eating my words less than a year later when I started dating a girl who was 5'11 and a bit overweight.
Part of why they don't want to believe that they might someday change their requirements is because of what it implies, that they lowered their standards and chose to settle. I personally don't see that as settling nor do I think it makes you look desperate if you decided to relax one of your requirements. But I think a lot of men (and women) buy into this thinking. I think that it terrifies some people. If I change my mind about looks, what else will I change my mind about? As I've gotten older, I've learned that it's important to never be afraid to toss your requirements out the window. I have my own set of requirements right now. But I don't see any of those as set in stone.
I'm pretty flexible on looks, I do like taller women. I don't write off shorter ones though.
As long as they're level-headed, enjoy the mountains (ski/hike/bike) and have a realist type personality I'm happy. I've tried dating the princess type before, never seems to work out.
Part of why they don't want to believe that they might someday change their requirements is because of what it implies, that they lowered their standards and chose to settle. I personally don't see that as settling nor do I think it makes you look desperate if you decided to relax one of your requirements. But I think a lot of men (and women) buy into this thinking.
That doesn't make sense when you think about it. Loosening one or two requirements while raising requirements relating to personality isn't settling. It's maturing, and realizing that once someone's looks fade, it's their personality you're stuck with, so you'd better choose well. It's actually increasing one's requirements, and opting for a more well-rounded partner.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 06-22-2014 at 04:37 PM..
Yes, we all know that looks aren't everything. Let's say you meet someone who's interested in you who has a lot of qualities that you find attractive. Let's say that the person is also physically attractive, but just not what you usually go for. If you've been obsessed with blondes all your life and always imagined yourself with a blonde, would it be fair to "settle" for a brunette if you know that your love for blondes is so deeply ingrained that you'll never EVER really stop lusting for blondes? (No, this isn't about Elliot Rodger.) I'm just asking whether it's possible to go against your type and truly be happy with that decision. What do you think?
My answer would be that I have had way too many "unexpected attractions." As a result, the only type I have is a woman who is at least 21 and wants to be with me. If I am not initially attracted to her, I generally find something attractive about her later.
Yes, I am still a little visual. However, I have quite a diversity of turn ons, so to speak. There are some women that I am initially attracted to. Then there are others that will have to spend some time with me in order for me to develop an attraction. Then there are the rare ones that I am not attracted to at all (they consist of the married, the "snobby" and those whom I can't tell if was born a woman or not. )
That doesn't make sense when you think about it. Loosening one or two requirements while raising requirements relating to personality isn't settling. It's maturing, and realizing that once someone's looks fade, it's their personality you're stuck with, so you'd better choose well. It's actually increasing one's requirements, and opting for a more well-rounded partner.
But they don't necessarily raise one set of requirements to make up for lowering the other. The personality requirements might not change at all. In which case, all that's changing is the physical requirements. Hence, they see it as settling.
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