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And if you knew the answers, how does that affect you?
What is your need to know these answers?
I am curious to know if anyone has actually seen a difference between waiting and doing it right away. I've had long term relationships that started as a ONS, as well as had some that didn't last a week. I assumed that the same would hold true for those who waited months. I was also curious if they found that things changed for the worse after they allowed sex. If I knew the answers I may change the way I feel about it. Maybe other people ask questions on here and won't listen to what others say. But if someone genuinely posts, I will think hard about it, and possibly make change.
I am curious to know if anyone has actually seen a difference between waiting and doing it right away. I've had long term relationships that started as a ONS, as well as had some that didn't last a week. I assumed that the same would hold true for those who waited months. I was also curious if they found that things changed for the worse after they allowed sex. If I knew the answers I may change the way I feel about it. Maybe other people ask questions on here and won't listen to what others say. But if someone genuinely posts, I will think hard about it, and possibly make change.
I you were really content in the way you do things, you wouldn't feel the need to see how others "feel" about how you live your life.
I am curious to know if anyone has actually seen a difference between waiting and doing it right away. I've had long term relationships that started as a ONS, as well as had some that didn't last a week. I assumed that the same would hold true for those who waited months. I was also curious if they found that things changed for the worse after they allowed sex. If I knew the answers I may change the way I feel about it. Maybe other people ask questions on here and won't listen to what others say. But if someone genuinely posts, I will think hard about it, and possibly make change.
I have had friends over the years that slept with a guy on the first date or shortly thereafter when they thought that they had really hit it off with the guy. Then they never hear from the guy again and they are really upset. I told them that these guys don't know them at all - and so they probably don't feel that guilty about never contacting them again. Part of this is being a good judge of character - and not all people are good judges of character. So, my friends honestly thought that having sex with these guys was the beginning of something whereas these guys just thought it was a one night stand. Now, if all these women were looking for was a one night stand - then that's fine. And if the one night stand happens to turn into something more - that's great, too. But you can't take back having sex with someone.
Actually, I don't care why people choose to wait, or not wait. What I wondered if waiting made that much more of a difference than not waiting. IME, since yes, I have waited before, that it really didn't seem like it made a big difference at all. In the relationships that I had that we waited, for different reasons other than religion. The relationships had the same types of problems as the relationships that we had sex right away. So in a shocking development, no I am not trolling with a new account, I actually am here to learn from other people's experiences.
The reason why I am wondering, is that I met this woman a little over a month ago. She and I have been on several casual dates, where I haven't even kissed her. This is really weird concept for me. The reason why I haven't even tried, is because something seemed to be off. She had given me the signals, and then she would see not interested. We have spent hours talking, mostly about business and career choices, and now mostly about relationships.
So last night, we were talking, and I said that I wanted her to know, that I am interested, but haven't even gone that way, because I feel that doing so would be a big mistake. I also said, that I want her to know, that I find her very attractive, but I think the timing is wrong for me to push that subject, so I never brought it up.
I also told her that I would like to stay friends, and go out, but will not really want to pursue a serious relationship until, whatever is bothering her gets addressed. I decided to see if doing so would benefit the two of us.
This woman is a independent and successful businesswoman. She is a 6 figure exec in the valley, and she has street smarts as well. I like the fact that she doesn't need me to call her all the time, as a matter of fact, she is just as bad as I am at times. After I made my declaration, her reaction shocked me. She started crying....We talked into the early morning, where I did mostly listening, and gave some insight from past experiences. I'm sure glad I didn't pursue the issue on sex with her, so i guess if I stick around, it's because I am generally interested in who she is, and not on how she does it.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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I can understand why a girl would want to wait to have sex. My concern would more be waiting time. If I'm with a woman and she says she feels like I'm trustworthy and she really thinks I'm sincere in wanting to be with her. If 3-5 months has passed and we have not had sex, there is a problem IMO. Either she is BSing when she says she feels secure with me or she has an unhealthy attitude or fear of sex. Either way, we have different views on a very important part of a relationship and aren't compatible.
Because I don't feel comfortable opening intimate parts of myself to someone I barely know. Intimacy takes trust, chemistry, strong caring and comfort and full disclosure. That takes time to really develop for me.
A year seems too long. If it takes a year of being with a guy and I haven't yet felt comfortable enough to have sex with him, I'm not interested in romance with him.
Because it's all about him getting off, not sharing an intimate experience between two people.
That's completely false.
Men are more physically beings while woman are more emotional. If you can't please a man sexually, that's half of being exclusive or half the dating experience for men. For women its about discovery and the emotional dynamics. Stop thinking so negative! Also, I could give a girl the best sex she's ever had on the second or third date and she'll consider it an "intimate experience between two people." Sex is intimacy.
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