Changing for a Significant Other (girlfriend, emotionally, relation, pictures)
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Honestly, I hope I wouldn't be like this when dating, but wouldn't have any respect for a woman that acted like a doormat like this. If I tried to manipulate/change her, a woman I'd be into would tell me to kiss off... I hope.
Of course, we're not sure how this is all happening. I have my suspicions from some things she said.
But if, lets say, she's wearing red more because he mentions "I like that color on you" it is one thing. If she is wearing more red because he said something like "I don't like that color on you, wear the red one, I like that", it is a COMPLETELY different scenario. The latter is completely out of line and the sign of an azzhole.
My question is, how much should a person change who they are in order to
please their significant other? I know that successful relationships include a
lot of give and take. But I don't want to "lose myself" and who I am. At what
point is going too far in trying to change the person you are involved with?
When I got married I got rid of my cats because my husband was allergic. I made a sacrifice/compromise because I loved him. Fast forward about 10 years I found out he wasn't allergic to cats. He lied to me. Good thing he didn't say he was allergic to dogs.
We divorced (not because of the cats or the lie) and the dogs I had during the marriage are still faithfully by my side with their acceptance and unconditional love for me.
One day when he is gone, or you wish he was, you will regret getting rid of those dogs instead of him.
She's not a doormat she's highly attracted to him because he is in his masculine core. He isn't being demandinghe's telling her what he doesn't like and laying down the law, he has a backbone. Something most guys nowadays do not have. Whether or not she's being foolish is a logical response, were talking about attraction here.
In every definition I've ever read or experienced he is being very demanding, overbearing, manipulative and controlling.
Laying down the law in her home, with her looks, her animals and only dating for four months.
She is being completely foolish and you are being completely illogical in your belief that this entire situation is a good thing for her or the dogs.
Everything he is doing is showing he is a bully not that he has a backbone.
Perhaps he looks familiar to what you see in the mirror so you think his behavior is great?
I finally met someone to whom I am very attracted; we've been dating for four months. It's a much better fit for me than any of the other guys I've dated in the past year since my separation/divorce. He's much more vocal than anyone I've ever been with as far as his likes/dislikes. I have changed several things about my appearance (small things) and lifestyle for him.
The small things I've done include enhancing my eye makeup, wearing certain color underclothing, certain types of clothing (dressier) etc. One of the biggest things concerns my dogs. I am a HUGE dog lover, and animal lover in general. He is not. My dogs get on his nerves (they are all small dogs). He doesn't want to hear them bark, doesn't like them on the furniture/bed, and it bothers him that they follow me around the house. He doesn't even like the dog pictures that are in my bedroom. I am changing them out today.
In order to make it work with him, which I very much want to do, I rehomed one rescue I had, and am probably going to rehome another dog I have. I'll then have only two dogs (which is more manageable, I admit). Then I am going to hire a trainer to help me with the barking issues and guide me in the best way to transition getting them off of the funiture/bed.
I do consider this a compromise for us, because I am giving up things and changing things, and he is willing to adjust to living with dogs in the house. This is a HUGE lifestyle change for me, and not one that I would do for just anyone. I would probably tell anyone else to take a hike. But I have such a connection with him physically and emotionally, that I really do want it to last.
My question is, how much should a person change who they are in order to please their significant other? I know that successful relationships include a lot of give and take. But I don't want to "lose myself" and who I am. At what point is going too far in trying to change the person you are involved with?
Okay...I think you are totally doing the wrong thing here. First off, I am no dog lover myself, but there is no freakin' way I would EVER be so selfish and assinine as to expect someone to get rid of their dogs for me. Yeah, I think four dogs is insane , but that's me - they are YOUR DOGS! If I didn't like your dogs and how they behaved - I simply would not date you. Period. This is a bigger issue than you think it is. Dog people and non-dog people don't often mix well. My BF has a dog - we were together when he got her as a puppy - and I was all for it as I know he loves dogs and he had put down his old dog recently. Still - he knows that I can't tolerate a dog on the bed or furniture, so we do agree to not allow that. We compromise. But even with that, I could never live with him - I could never live in a house with a dog - I don't want to. I love him, but I can't change that about me....I would be miserable and it would eat at me and eventually it would be the end of the relationship.
So just keep that in mind. I think you need to find someone that actually DOES love dogs,or at least likes them...that is really a biggie.
And as far as the makeup and clothing? HELL NO I wouldn't be changing that for him. Good grief if he doesn't like the way you look why the hell are you two dating in the first place?
She's a fool for meeting a guy who isn't weak? I call that a lucky girl.
But he is weak, because he's trying to control and manipulate someone and wants to mold them into something they are not...that is not the sign of a strong, confident man. Why can't he just find a woman that doesn't have dogs, or wears a certain color underwear?
Everything he is doing is showing he is a bully not that he has a backbone.
Perhaps he looks familiar to what you see in the mirror so you think his behavior is great?
But...but....
he's showing his "masculine core". Aren't you up on the new catch phrase? Here...let me educate you....it looks like this:
I finally met someone to whom I am very attracted; we've been dating for four months. It's a much better fit for me than any of the other guys I've dated in the past year since my separation/divorce. He's much more vocal than anyone I've ever been with as far as his likes/dislikes. I have changed several things about my appearance (small things) and lifestyle for him.
The small things I've done include enhancing my eye makeup, wearing certain color underclothing, certain types of clothing (dressier) etc. One of the biggest things concerns my dogs. I am a HUGE dog lover, and animal lover in general. He is not. My dogs get on his nerves (they are all small dogs). He doesn't want to hear them bark, doesn't like them on the furniture/bed, and it bothers him that they follow me around the house. He doesn't even like the dog pictures that are in my bedroom. I am changing them out today.
In order to make it work with him, which I very much want to do, I rehomed one rescue I had, and am probably going to rehome another dog I have. I'll then have only two dogs (which is more manageable, I admit). Then I am going to hire a trainer to help me with the barking issues and guide me in the best way to transition getting them off of the funiture/bed.
I do consider this a compromise for us, because I am giving up things and changing things, and he is willing to adjust to living with dogs in the house. This is a HUGE lifestyle change for me, and not one that I would do for just anyone. I would probably tell anyone else to take a hike. But I have such a connection with him physically and emotionally, that I really do want it to last.
My question is, how much should a person change who they are in order to please their significant other? I know that successful relationships include a lot of give and take. But I don't want to "lose myself" and who I am. At what point is going too far in trying to change the person you are involved with?
I get that some people prefer to not have pets, even if they like them. But having a problem with them following you around and having pictures of your pets in your room? Why doesn't he date someone without pets? And you rehoming your pets is unacceptable, to me. When you have pets, it's for the long haul. Not until some guy comes along. You both have issues, IMO.
I don't trust anyone who doesn't love animals.
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, but that's me - they are YOUR DOGS! If I didn't like your dogs and how they behaved - I simply would not date you. Period. This is a bigger issue than you think it is. Dog people and non-dog people don't often mix well. My BF has a dog - we were together when he got her as a puppy - and I was all for it as I know he loves dogs and he had put down his old dog recently. Still - he knows that I can't tolerate a dog on the bed or furniture, so we do agree to not allow that. We compromise. But even with that, I could never live with him - I could never live in a house with a dog - I don't want to. I love him, but I can't change that about me....I would be miserable and it would eat at me and eventually it would be the end of the relationship. 
