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The only thing you should expect to "receive" is happiness. But it's not the other person's job to make you happy. Someone earlier made a bank account analogy. But what if your partner suddenly gets sick with cancer? They're miserable and probably not a lot of fun to be around. Are you now going to end the relationship because that person isn't "making deposits"? Hopefully not. As cpg35223 stated above, relationships are not about keeping scorecards. That suggests that everything you do has an ulterior motive. "Oh I'll do something nice for her today. That way, she'll do something nice for me tomorrow."
I think that's a really good example, one that struck home for me. I've known friends who have died of cancer. It is a cruel and lingering disease, one where the spouse suffers almost much as the person who is afflicted. During the course of the illness, there is not much opportunity for joy or happiness. Yet the partner perseveres.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,874,164 times
Reputation: 41446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
Indeed. I think it is smart to be guarded and cautious in the early stages of dating someone. But once you've met a special person and established that there's the potential for a future with someone, your priorities change. True intimacy and love requires vulnerability and selflessness.
I am new here so I took a look at the OP's posting history to get of idea of why he would ask this particular question. I see that he's a young man (never married) and a self-proclaimed confirmed bachelor. Many of his recent posts indicate that he has a lot of fears and worries about being taken advantage of by a woman, especially financially.
I hope that some day he will meet a woman who inspires him to let his guard down and experience what real love is all about. Having a loving relationship is a priceless "asset" in both partner's lives. Building a life together and working for the greater good of the partnership benefits both people as individuals. There is really nothing greater in life to strive for, in my opinion.
I think you have me confused with someone else. I work I'm finance, if there is anyone who knows how not to get taken advantage of, especially financially, you are looking at him.
One thing I've heard a lot over the last few days here is it is very selfish to approach a relationship with a "what's in it for me" mindset. I have to wonder, why should relationships be any different from any other aspect in life where before you do something, you ask what you are going to get out of it for the price of whatever the hell you are giving up?
I feel with that statement, I'm being asked to cast aside ANY self-interest for the sake of "love" for another person and being asked to put up and tolerate whatever for another person. I feel that I should have the right to feel in a functioning relationship, I'm getting something out of the effort I'm putting into it and I should have the right to leave a relationship if I'm not feeling I'm getting enough of a rewards for what I'm putting into it.
Thoughts?
Does she cook meals for you everyday? Does she give you back massages every night? Does she do the laundry and clean the house? Does she work a job for about 8 hours a day to help pay the bills to run the household? These are things that every man should be demanding from their partner. And no, this is not too much for an athletic person to handle on a daily basis. Does she ride on top or does she force you to do all the work to get you both off? Lots of lazy females out there.
I think you have me confused with someone else. I work I'm finance, if there is anyone who knows how not to get taken advantage of, especially financially, you are looking at him.
OK I went back to double-check and I wasn't mistaken. I agree that you know a lot about protecting yourself financially (and emotionally) and it is reflected in how you approach your love life. I only went back and looked at posts during the last 30 days. There were a lot of posts from you on a thread about a man not paying for the dates he invited a woman on. You had a lot to say on that thread and too many to repost here. In addition to that, here's a sampling of why I have the impression of you that I do:
"My divorce insurance; don't get married in the first place. Probably a hell of a lot cheaper than whatever this insurance would cost."
"Just a ridiculous video perpetuating stereotypes. That's all I'm gonna say."
"Hell, I definitely don't mind chivalry being dead."
"I'll probably be one of them. I'm not willing to put up with the BS of "dating", so since that is obviously a foundation of a relationship, I guess it ain't never gonna happen."
"And this is why I, at age 26, am done with dating. Four damn dollars?! "
"I'm important to myself and myself alone. I don't give a how important I am to others. All my decisions are based on satisfaction my desires and no one else's."
Forgive me, The Dissenter, if I haven't gotten the hang of quoting and/or linking posts from the other threads. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,874,164 times
Reputation: 41446
Quote:
Originally Posted by NilaJones
So, you have never been in love.
When you are in love, your 'me' includes your partner. Asking 'what's in it for me' is the same as asking 'what's in it for us' or 'what's in it for her'. It's all the same thing. Her happiness is necessary for your happiness, her goals are included in your goals, etc.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,709 posts, read 41,874,164 times
Reputation: 41446
Quote:
Originally Posted by Butterflyfish
OK I went back to double-check and I wasn't mistaken. I agree that you know a lot about protecting yourself financially (and emotionally) and it is reflected in how you approach your love life. I only went back and looked at posts during the last 30 days. There were a lot of posts from you on a thread about a man not paying for the dates he invited a woman on. You had a lot to say on that thread and too many to repost here. In addition to that, here's a sampling of why I have the impression of you that I do:
"My divorce insurance; don't get married in the first place. Probably a hell of a lot cheaper than whatever this insurance would cost."
"Just a ridiculous video perpetuating stereotypes. That's all I'm gonna say."
"Hell, I definitely don't mind chivalry being dead."
"I'll probably be one of them. I'm not willing to put up with the BS of "dating", so since that is obviously a foundation of a relationship, I guess it ain't never gonna happen."
"And this is why I, at age 26, am done with dating. Four damn dollars?! "
"I'm important to myself and myself alone. I don't give a how important I am to others. All my decisions are based on satisfaction my desires and no one else's."
Forgive me, The Dissenter, if I haven't gotten the hang of quoting and/or linking posts from the other threads. I'm sure I'll figure it out eventually.
Out of those you got of all things fear? I like to think out of those, I'm just a guy who knows what the he is doing in regards to dating.
Maybe you "know what you are doing in regards to dating", having admitted recently that you are "done with dating". If that is your end goal, then you certainly know what you are doing. I agree with you on that point.
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Four 
damn dollars?! 
