I want a baby and my husband doesn't and wants me to stop getting upset about it (mother-in-law, family)
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That's why getting married at a young age sucks. You guys decided at an early age that you're not going to have kids. Now since both of your in your late 30's, you decided that you want kids while his stance still stands. I don't know what you're going to do, OP, but keep us posted.
This is why I would have a hard time believing that nobody wants kids. I don't and never have, but a lot of people end up changing their mind, or saying what they think someone else wants to hear so they don't have to be alone.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by luzianne
Wow. I'm kind of surprised at some of the harshness toward the OP. People change. Just because someone decided 15 years ago when they were 23 years old that they didn't want to have children, it doesn't mean they can't change their mind. She didn't sign a contract promising to never want children. She thought she didn't want them. She's not wrong or bad for now having different feelings about it. Yes, she should consider her husband's feelings. He should also consider hers.
God. If I had made a plan at age 23 for the entire rest of my life and signed a document in blood saying that is how it was going to be, I'd be in trouble, because I pretty much knew nothing at 23. Things change. People change.
The wife has every right to change her mind. The husband also has the right to not budge, he should respect how his wife feels but that does NOT mean giving in to her. Hey some people just know at early ages that they ain't cut out to be parents. I'm one of them.
If i were the husband and my wife got baby crazy after i made it clear I don't want kids, I'd file for divorce right away and I would not touch the woman again because God knows what she would do to get what she'd want.
The wife has every right to change her mind. The husband also has the right to not budge, he should respect how his wife feels but that does NOT mean giving in to her. Hey some people just know at early ages that they ain't cut out to be parents. I'm one of them.
If i were the husband and my wife got baby crazy after i made it clear I don't want kids, I'd file for divorce right away and I would not touch the woman again because God knows what she would do to get what she'd want.
A little extreme, but you have a point.
I know two different couples where the wife admitted to MrsCPG that they intentionally got pregnant while claiming that -- OOPS -- the birth control failed. Not very ethical, but it's also the oldest trick in the book. I just have zero respect for either one.
The wife has every right to change her mind. The husband also has the right to not budge, he should respect how his wife feels but that does NOT mean giving in to her. Hey some people just know at early ages that they ain't cut out to be parents. I'm one of them.
If i were the husband and my wife got baby crazy after i made it clear I don't want kids, I'd file for divorce right away and I would not touch the woman again because God knows what she would do to get what she'd want.
Don't give the OP ideas, Diss.
Sometimes staunch No-Kids husbands come around, when they see how much it (suddenly) means to their wife, and that turns out ok. But depending on the husband's own life experience, there will be no coming around. And for good reason. Every couple is different in that regard. I've never heard of the onset of baby-hormones causing a divorce, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
So the MIL supports her having kids through trickery and deception? She sounds like a person of reason . What's even greater is that she views THEM as selfish for not having grandchildren. Ironic considering she probably won't be the one supporting the little one(s) with the exception of spoiling them on Christmas and their birthday. Sad that your friend was influenced by such a person.
Moreover, life is filled with "what ifs." What if they had the kid and he still wasn't interested in parenting? What if they divorced anyway? What if he was stuck with alimony and child support until well past his retirement age?
A woman's worth is not based on their ability to have kids. That mentality needs to stop as it's insulting to those who don't (and can't) conceive.
Honestly, If someone told me upfront that none of my kids would ever have children I might question point of having them.
As Humans like other Animals in nature we want kids so our genes and family line carries on. If our kids dont have kids we went through a lot for nothing.
Only problem with Mother in law butting in is she did it too late. She shoudl have brought them up while the daughter was of child bearing age.
Honestly if you dont want to have kids dont get married or get married to a women who is sterile. Actually I take that back. My buddy who had twins with first wife remarried in mid thirties to a women who was medically incapable of having kids. He has a vascetemy himself already. After they were married he said one of main reasons he was attracted as she cant have kids and wont bug him to reverse his vascetemy and he has no step children to support and when it is his turn to watch kids and he has a business trip she could watch his kids for free. Apparantly the marriage ended a few months after he disclosed this.
Honestly, If someone told me upfront that none of my kids would ever have children I might question point of having them.
As Humans like other Animals in nature we want kids so our genes and family line carries on. If our kids dont have kids we went through a lot for nothing.
Okay, so you are not on the dating market, haven't been in a long time but you think you know better than me, what's going on out there? I don't mind to get corrected but if you have no clue, please don't.
Reality check.
MANY - NOT ALL - men my age and above rather want a younger woman IF they want children with them.
Young = more fertile = less risks = nicer to look at = they can date a while without time pressure so they have a few years until the woman gets pregnant, while an older woman needs to get preggos pretty much right away.
I don't know, my mentality about things is that as long as the chances of something are not absolutely zero, I will pursue something if I really want it.
My wife and I decided that we didn't want to raise our kids on Long Island anymore. So at 40 and 41 we are quitting our corporate jobs and moving to a place with a slower pace of life and a much better quality of life for our children.
Stupid right? Well my wife just found a job paying 30% more in our new city (and that is without the huge reduction in the cost of living) and the kids are much happier up there and are doing great in school. I will be quitting my job down here and moving up there soon. Will I find a job up there that pays anywhere near as much? I don't know, but I do know that we were miserable on Long Island and didn't want to spend the rest of our lives that way. Even if it turns out to be less money we will have more life.
Sometimes you have to take a risk and go with what your heart is telling you. Life is too short to settle for subpar, at least when it comes to something as important as having a child.
Yes, some women can have kids naturally as late at 45.
My grandmother had kids at 41 and 43 and that was back in the 1940's before anything like fertility treatments.
Um.....you totally missed my point. Many women have children naturally BEYOND 45. I don't know where you get the idea that 45 is some magic number.
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. What's even greater is that she views THEM as selfish for not having grandchildren. Ironic considering she probably won't be the one supporting the little one(s) with the exception of spoiling them on Christmas and their birthday. Sad that your friend was influenced by such a person.
