Ex-boyfriend, now married, wants me back (dating, wife, how to, women)
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I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years. We lived together and I was madly in love with him. We had settled down and had a home together and were both happy. I felt like I was done dating and found the person I was meant to be with in this lifetime. He had claimed to feel the same way. Everything about us always felt right and like home.
We had regular couple issues, never anything serious or lingering. Our biggest issue was that he didn't believe in marriage. I did and had always wanted a wedding, a marriage, but I loved him and I respected him and I knew that he felt the same way about me so I let it go. Not resentfully, but I was crazy about him and I realized that I didn't need to be married because he always made me feel loved and secure. I never pressured and I let it go.
To make a long story short, over the last eight months of our relationship changed. Slowly, but it did. He became increasingly annoyed, unhappy… didn't want to cuddle or be intimate anymore. He lashed about strange things… I would make him his favorite foods and he would just go on to bed. We had fights, and finally he admitted he wanted to move out and said it wasn't working anymore. Three months later, he admitted he had found someone else. We were no longer fighting at that point. He told me how happy he was and how being with this woman made sense and how nuts he was over her. He said maybe it was better me and him not talk for a while for numerous reasons, mostly because he thought it would be harder on me.
It was a rough year. I missed him and would Facebook stalk them, etc. I would look at pics of them together and get super sad and depressed. I also felt like I would never get him back. She's prettier than me, makes more money, etc. The list goes on. The gut-wrenching part happened when I heard they were getting married through a friend of a friend. It was like someone had punched me in the stomach.
So that said to me it wasn't that he never wanted to get married, he just never wanted to marry me. Well, okay I guess.
Anyway, it hurt but I loved him so I let it go and him as well. I figured he would most likely never talk to me again, unless we saw each other somewhere. A year and five months later and I still hadn't really dated anyone or anything, but continuing on with my life and stuff.
But now… he's come back around again. We saw each other at a mutual friend's birthday party and he said he'd text me. Well, he did, later that night. We met and had lunch to catch up. I didn't expect much. But he started dropping hints about how he misses my cooking, misses me and was bringing up old inside jokes. He has tried to come over and sleep with me. Sunday night he called me drunk saying how he loves me and everything about me and he wants to move back in. He says I'm the best woman he's had and how only I know how to take care of him.
It has all made me feel like crap all over again. I'm upset all this happened and pretty much I come home after work and get in bed and cry. I feel like such a loser. I'm starting to feel the same way as when we first split up and he married his wife.
I just don't know where to go or what to do really. I just feel sad and lonely.
I was in a relationship with my boyfriend for five years. We lived together and I was madly in love with him. We had settled down and had a home together and were both happy. I felt like I was done dating and found the person I was meant to be with in this lifetime. He had claimed to feel the same way. Everything about us always felt right and like home.
We had regular couple issues, never anything serious or lingering. Our biggest issue was that he didn't believe in marriage. I did and had always wanted a wedding, a marriage, but I loved him and I respected him and I knew that he felt the same way about me so I let it go. Not resentfully, but I was crazy about him and I realized that I didn't need to be married because he always made me feel loved and secure. I never pressured and I let it go.
To make a long story short, over the last eight months of our relationship changed. Slowly, but it did. He became increasingly annoyed, unhappy… didn't want to cuddle or be intimate anymore. He lashed about strange things… I would make him his favorite foods and he would just go on to bed. We had fights, and finally he admitted he wanted to move out and said it wasn't working anymore. Three months later, he admitted he had found someone else. We were no longer fighting at that point. He told me how happy he was and how being with this woman made sense and how nuts he was over her. He said maybe it was better me and him not talk for a while for numerous reasons, mostly because he thought it would be harder on me.
It was a rough year. I missed him and would Facebook stalk them, etc. I would look at pics of them together and get super sad and depressed. I also felt like I would never get him back. She's prettier than me, makes more money, etc. The list goes on. The gut-wrenching part happened when I heard they were getting married through a friend of a friend. It was like someone had punched me in the stomach.
So that said to me it wasn't that he never wanted to get married, he just never wanted to marry me. Well, okay I guess.
Anyway, it hurt but I loved him so I let it go and him as well. I figured he would most likely never talk to me again, unless we saw each other somewhere. A year and five months later and I still hadn't really dated anyone or anything, but continuing on with my life and stuff.
But now… he's come back around again. We saw each other at a mutual friend's birthday party and he said he'd text me. Well, he did, later that night. We met and had lunch to catch up. I didn't expect much. But he started dropping hints about how he misses my cooking, misses me and was bringing up old inside jokes. He has tried to come over and sleep with me. Sunday night he called me drunk saying how he loves me and everything about me and he wants to move back in. He says I'm the best woman he's had and how only I know how to take care of him.
It has all made me feel like crap all over again. I'm upset all this happened and pretty much I come home after work and get in bed and cry. I feel like such a loser. I'm starting to feel the same way as when we first split up and he married his wife.
I just don't know where to go or what to do really. I just feel sad and lonely.
YOU are not the loser, HE is!
Stop it, stop it right now!!! WHY are you blaming yourself for his poor choices and bad behavior???
Honey, you sound like an awesome person that any intelligent guy would feel so grateful to have in his life!
Now pull yourself together - you've lost your way here but it's not too late to find your backbone and open your eyes to who he really is.
Then you must immediately draw some firm boundaries with him to protect your heart from any further hurt.
Trust me, this is NOT the man you want to shed another tear over.
He doesn't want you Kimberly as much as he just wants to feel in control and to "win".
You falling for his BS gives him that and makes him feel temporarily better about his life, but the high will fade quickly and he'll be moving on to the next woman in no time.
I agree with everyone else. Move on. Now, that's easier said than done. But this guy is apparently indecisive, and changes women easily it seems. Met someone while he was still seeing you. He's married now, but wants you.
Sounds like he's looking to make you his side chick, and that's a degrading position for any woman to be in. If he's serious, you could tell him you want him to leave his wife 1st, and be completely divorced from her before anything, even just sex, happens with you. I bet if you asked him that, he'd have a bunch of excuses, or drag his feet with it, claiming he;s working on it, while doing nothing.
Basically, I think he wants a side chick, and he knows your feelings for him, and is using them against you to get what he wants. He doesn't love you, and surely will not leave his wife for you.
He's a jerk who wants to have different women-not just one. And in which case, you should try to move on and date guys who will commit to you, love you, and marry you eventually.
He poured salt in the wound just as it was healing. What a jerk.
Block his number. For your own good, you have to put him out of your mind. If you want, you can tell him that he broke your heart and that telling you all that was stomping on it.
But there is no way around this crappy feeling. You just have to get through it.
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