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Better to have interesting pictures of you doing something than some lame headshot in a professional studio.
Also, well tailored message? Seriously who cares? Spend less time on all parts of online dating, stop caring, get decent pics and send out a 3 sentence message if you find someone you like.
I find it crazy how people get upset over online dating and think it's so much work. I find it to be so easy and 0 effort.
Totally untrue. That is up there with the myth that "it is a numbers game".
Gotta disagree here. If a guy is looking for "a date, any date" like a few I've seen lately, it absolutely IS a numbers game. That even applies to real life, not just OLD.
I agree with the first part though. Not all about the pics, unless you're on Tinder or equivalent, where the profile is either non-existent, or an afterthought.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hivemind31
Gotta disagree here. If a guy is looking for "a date, any date" like a few I've seen lately, it absolutely IS a numbers game. That even applies to real life, not just OLD.
I agree with the first part though. Not all about the pics, unless you're on Tinder or equivalent, where the profile is either non-existent, or an afterthought.
But that isn't most people's intention. A date is easy to find, you can have one every day of the week if that is all you want with OLD. Who wants that?
The results for most people improves when they stop focusing on numbers and focus on what is important, potential compatibility. What is the point of having 10-20 one and done dates? Results improve with learning how to identify your people from online profiles.
I was having the most success when I maybe messaged one person a week (even in Boston or Chicago where there were 20k people in my criteria range) as it was uncommon to find a handful of people a week I got the impression I potentially could have a real connection with... and with many of those there was something that told me there was a dealbreaker (OKC questions are great for this) or that I didn't fit what they were looking for.
But that isn't most people's intention. A date is easy to find, you can have one every day of the week if that is all you want with OLD. Who wants that?
The results for most people improves when they stop focusing on numbers and focus on what is important, potential compatibility. What is the point of having 10-20 one and done dates? Results improve with learning how to identify your people from online profiles.
I was having the most success when I maybe messaged one person a week (even in Boston or Chicago where there were 20k people in my criteria range) as it was uncommon to find a handful of people a week I got the impression I potentially could have a real connection with... and with many of those there was something that told me there was a dealbreaker (OKC questions are great for this) or that I didn't fit what they were looking for.
I don't think I've ever gotten a date, ever, on OLD. I don't know how people do it.
I usually have a profile on there for about a week and then delete it.
I hadn't had one in a long while, and then I started up my POF again. A lot of the same women that were there 6 months ago. Unfortunately I had to wait 24 hours to delete it.
I don't think I've ever gotten a date, ever, on OLD. I don't know how people do it.
I usually have a profile on there for about a week and then delete it.
I hadn't had one in a long while, and then I started up my POF again. A lot of the same women that were there 6 months ago. Unfortunately I had to wait 24 hours to delete it.
That could be your problem. You have to be there long enough for people to notice you.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
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Well POF is a cesspool, that is part of the problem. And a day or a week? Sounds like you're not trying.
Not that this is the right way, but when I do it (its been a few years, I haven't been looking) I start it up and refine my profile, update the pics, etc. Then start looking. I'll not write anyone probably for a few couple of weeks as I'll just be getting into the flow of reading profiles. I'll often read one and look at the answers to questions they give (if OKC) several times before deciding to write (making sure they're active) and then start working on a note. One of a week, maybe two, at most. And of course I'll respond to the few (there are more when you just start up again) messages I get from women. Maybe 1 in 3 I'll be interested in, so perhaps 1-2 a week will be interesting. Then do it for 4-6 weeks, have half a dozen first meetings, then take it down and see if anything comes from any of those... if not I take a break as there is no reason to keep on there and spend all that time when it is the same people. Come back 6 mos later or whatever and try again.
I think it's better to have a picture that is ok, but not overly flattering. Definitely I would not get a professional pic. My reasoning is that when you finally meet the person in real life, you want them to be impressed that you look even better than your picture.
Is it worth it to have a professional photographer take a couple nice pics of me? I was thinking one good headshot and maybe a full body picture outside in a nice fitted t-shirt and jeans. I would have maybe 2 professional pics and 2 regular ones
If the pictures are going to be outside then I think that sounds like a good idea. On my facebook it seems like there a lot of stay at home mom's who do photography on the side. Most seem to be able to take decent portraits that don't feel overly posed. Better than what you would get at Sears Portrait studio
The OP is one of those people who isn't photogenic. He says he looks much better in person than in his pix. For people like that, it's important to get a professional photo if they want to do OLD. And it's not that the professional photo is deceptive, it's that that's the only way they can get a photo that accurately represents how they look in person.
The only problem I see with doing that is that if they also want to add a casual photo where they're hanging out with friends, or doing a hobby, or are out in nature/beach/hiking, there would be an obvious discrepancy. I don't know how that would come across. Would people think the headshot was phony, then, or would they just think that the casual photo wasn't a good one?
Some people just aren't cut out for OLD, IMO. Or they have to make extra effort to present themselves well, in order to be competitive, and noticeable.
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