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And you may disagree Ruth, but I think there's some truth to what the OP is doing with the current woman he's dating. There's plenty of women who wouldn't find him pushy at all, and would love his eagerness to talk with them, but this woman isn't like that. I have a friend that got engaged after dating his girlfriend for 30 days. They knew each other in passing, but from day one he always said he knew. They'll be celebrating their 8th year of marriage in July and have two cute kids together.
For the OP, it's more about he needs to be true to himself. If he's more into women that know what they want, then he may just have to sit on the sideline, until more of those women become available. Forcing this woman to be something she's not is never going to work in his favor.
The OP is relationship minded and is approaching dating the same way. I don't think he's right, wrong, or indifferent for making those decisions. .
I agreed with you re: the OP. I quoted your original post about him being dating for LTR, while the younger women he's dating are just dating to date.
Last edited by Ruth4Truth; 01-21-2015 at 05:15 PM..
Yeah, but you also said you were officially off the market, so obviously we're not holding you to anything.
I'm doing my due diligence with this last girl, but otherwise, I am not pursuing anyone or trying to date.
So no, you will not see anymore threads from me on this sub. No offense, but by posting here, I just end up reading too much into what you guys say and it ends up messing with my head more than it would if I had just kept it to myself. Especially once people start analyzing and pulling in information that just isn't true or has been misconstrued.
I'm doing my due diligence with this last girl, but otherwise, I am not pursuing anyone or trying to date.
So no, you will not see anymore threads from me on this sub. No offense, but by posting here, I just end up reading too much into what you guys say and it ends up messing with my head more than it would if I had just kept it to myself. Especially once people start analyzing and pulling in information that just isn't true or has been misconstrued.
To be perfectly honest, although I find this forum entertaining, I would never post an actual issue in my own relationship here. First of all, whatever issues I have with my husband - we work on them together. Secondly, if you are entering into a new relationship - you need to learn about the person you are dating by yourself. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to do the wrong things. But the wrong thing for one person might be the right person for someone else - so you really have to just figure things out as you go along with each individual person. The only advice that I think is pretty much useful across the board is to always communicate with your SO so that you KNOW what is going on between the two of you - you don't have to guess or assume anything.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Where are your stats/sources regarding this? Do they even keep stats about LTRs? LOL
They have info on marrying. The Bureau of Labor Statistics actually publishes some of the data, which is generally devised from some large data set including, but not limited to the census. They break it down a myriad of ways, but the most successful (if you count not divorcing as successful, which can be debated) marriages occur to college educated individuals that wait to get married in their 30s or later. There is a lot of data out there on this in various reports. Pew Charitable Trust, and other think tanks put out some nice reports.
The median age of first marriage is about 28 in this country, so half above and half below (as of 2012). If you look at just those with four year degrees or higher, that goes well into the 30s. If you look at urban areas, it goes even higher.
LTRs don't mean much, those end all the time and are created all the time. A person in an LTR is still single, they just might not be actively looking.
This is info on the age of first marriage, but it includes everyone:
And since most people aren't educated, it includes them as well. They tend to marry young, often very young. It comes with being uneducated. If you only looked at educated people, the numbers would be much much higher.
This is also really fascinating, but I haven't fully absorbed it yet, and I tend to question cause and effect of these types of conclusions
But in essence, educated women are doing themselves a disservice by marrying pre early 30s.
This is probable the best single resource on the benefits and costs of delaying marriage. Perhaps I'm biased, but the bountiful benefits are a no brainer:
To be perfectly honest, although I find this forum entertaining, I would never post an actual issue in my own relationship here. First of all, whatever issues I have with my husband - we work on them together. Secondly, if you are entering into a new relationship - you need to learn about the person you are dating by yourself. You are going to make mistakes. You are going to do the wrong things. But the wrong thing for one person might be the right person for someone else - so you really have to just figure things out as you go along with each individual person. The only advice that I think is pretty much useful across the board is to always communicate with your SO so that you KNOW what is going on between the two of you - you don't have to guess or assume anything.
Definitely a lesson learned.
I also find this forum entertaining. And some of the posters have been very insightful on this thread (looking at you weezerfan84). But with the lack of information that you guys have (which is not your fault), all sorts of broad or narrow conclusions are reached about me, this girl, and our relationship. Only I truly know how things are going. Truth be told, they're probably going alright as far as most dating endeavors go.
That said, I tend to take to heart the advice that people give me (my filter must be broken). I have a male buddy who thinks that if a girl doesn't hit you up on the reg, she's not interested. He assures me that this comes from years of experience; he's been around the block, he says .
I have a female friend who tells me she acts the same way as this girl when she's dating guys, regardless of how she feels about them. So rest assured, I'm told. She may still be into you.
Then I have you fine people, with your wealth of experience and knowledge, telling me all sorts of different things. And then the "analysis paralysis" takes affect. I end up feeling worse about the situation than I did before. So many different viewpoints, so many different conclusions reached. It becomes too overwhelming.
And don't get me started about the insults, condescension, and "tough love" as one poster put it. There were days I came out of here thinking, Man, I'm a real a**hole apparently. This coming from a guy who has never attempted to hurt a person in his life and has always put close friends and family first. I adopted a cat from the shelter, for Christ's sake.
Anyway, I decided to throw caution to the wind, disregard the abundance of analysis that was taking place on here earlier about whether A) she was too young for me or B) she was even interested in me at all or C) my dates were too boring, and asked her out for a drink tonight. She accepted. So I'm meeting up with her and I'm sure I'll breech the subject of where we stand.
This is probable the best single resource on the benefits and costs of delaying marriage. Perhaps I'm biased, but the bountiful benefits are a no brainer:
Well I don't have a desire for a large family. I admit that bias. Other than that, no reason really not to delay.
Marriage is another story. I agree with you there. It doesn't mean one can't desire a LTR with someone to create and share special moments with in their lives. Plus, sex. I don't like jumping around with multiple partners at a time; I'm paranoid regarding that. I'm very much monogamous.
He has a relationship mindset, while she has a dating mindset. Neither party is wrong, but let's call it what it is. Neither of them are a good match for each other.
That is a very good point that I know we touched on earlier in the thread. He is past the playing around stage, wants an LTR, but not every woman he meets will be feeling the same way. And we can debate the age at which people are getting married and study the stats about it, but stats aren't rules.
This 24 year old may not be looking for anything serious, but until he talks to her, he just won't know. Once he has a better idea, then he can make the right choice for himself.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 37,171,503 times
Reputation: 40641
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lafleur
Marriage is another story. I agree with you there. It doesn't mean one can't desire a LTR with someone to create and share special moments with in their lives. Plus, sex. I don't like jumping around with multiple partners at a time; I'm paranoid regarding that. I'm very much monogamous.
Sure, I totally agree. I'm similar. I prefer monogamy. But, LTRs, are again, results, not goals. They're the result of finding someone in the same place, at the same time, where you're both attracted to each other, have a great time, communicate well, have chemistry, work through things together, and even then a whole lotta things have to fall into place. It can be forced (lots of people do), you can settle for less than something fun and healthy (lots of people do), but if you want something healthy, it just has to happen as an offshoot of great connections with a like mind.
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