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Excluding the pot issue, you remind me so much of myself. I have hung on to relationships for dear life, clinging to the "good" qualities about who I was with, while trying to ignore the many things which have been red flags for me.
I too have self-esteem issues and am working on myself to learn about me and who I am rather than try and figure out someone else. I can change me, I just cannot change others. I have wasted years, not months, of my life with men who clearly have shown in so many ways I am not a priority in their life. I think in the back of my head (and not that far "back"), I have thought that I cannot do "better" and I do not deserve to be with someone who treats me better. Truth is, I do deserve better and so do you. There are men out there who are (as someone else mentioned) more compatible and we do not have to try to "figure them out". Relationships are work, however, they shouldn't be this hard and it sucks the life out of us to continually be with people who are obviously not as interested in either us and/or the relationship to make it work.
There are plenty of websites and books which are written for women with self-esteem problems. I am reading every one I can find to improve my confidence. Also I am reading ones on communicating better with other people in my life--not just men--as this low self-esteem problem of mine is something I have realized has had an affect on the relationships I have with others. I have been spending most of my life trying to get people to love me-- like not standing up for myself and agreeing to do things I really don't want to do just to spare someone else's feelings while compromising the way I feel about myself when I do these things.
I wish you happiness and inner peace with whatever choice you make about the relationship with this man.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
Why don't you ask her out.
It seems you support all the great qualities this guy possesses or are you just an argumentative person?
I do. Do you not read?
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
Haha, uh, seriously?
You've not names one reason TO keep seeing him and a ton to not keep seeing him.
I swear, if these are real, I have no idea how people actually met and got together they're at such odds with each other!
You introduced stuff like babies (no mention of having children anywhere here) and then insinuated that because the guy is smoking pot they'd probably have sick babies.
Status:
"Just livin' day by day"
(set 27 days ago)
Location: USA
3,166 posts, read 3,361,544 times
Reputation: 5382
yeah OP he sounds like a wonderful catch. Is pot illegal where you live? Next thing you know is getting pulled over by the police getting busted for Marijuana possession.
Excluding the pot issue, you remind me so much of myself. I have hung on to relationships for dear life, clinging to the "good" qualities about who I was with, while trying to ignore the many things which have been red flags for me.
I too have self-esteem issues and am working on myself to learn about me and who I am rather than try and figure out someone else. I can change me, I just cannot change others. I have wasted years, not months, of my life with men who clearly have shown in so many ways I am not a priority in their life. I think in the back of my head (and not that far "back"), I have thought that I cannot do "better" and I do not deserve to be with someone who treats me better. Truth is, I do deserve better and so do you. There are men out there who are (as someone else mentioned) more compatible and we do not have to try to "figure them out". Relationships are work, however, they shouldn't be this hard and it sucks the life out of us to continually be with people who are obviously not as interested in either us and/or the relationship to make it work.
There are plenty of websites and books which are written for women with self-esteem problems. I am reading every one I can find to improve my confidence. Also I am reading ones on communicating better with other people in my life--not just men--as this low self-esteem problem of mine is something I have realized has had an affect on the relationships I have with others. I have been spending most of my life trying to get people to love me-- like not standing up for myself and agreeing to do things I really don't want to do just to spare someone else's feelings while compromising the way I feel about myself when I do these things.
I wish you happiness and inner peace with whatever choice you make about the relationship with this man.
Thank you for this. I think this happened because I've been going through a tough time lately (2 bereavements in 2014, and then lost my job). My self esteem has taken a bit of a knock and I've obviously been putting up with things I shouldn't have. I'm doing my best to try and get back on my feet.
You introduced stuff like babies (no mention of having children anywhere here) and then insinuated that because the guy is smoking pot they'd probably have sick babies.
That's just messed up of you.
I do read.
He is on pot and cocaine etc.
If they were to be together and have a family you don't think 6 joints a day isn't going to affect their newborns? Afterwards what kind of atmosphere with pot smoke and cocaine will be for either her or family in the future?
Don't you look down the road? Probably not if you promote illegal drugs.
They will probably both end up in prison... But he's successful.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,981,862 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by funymann
I do read.
He is on pot and cocaine etc.
If they were to be together and have a family you don't think 6 joints a day isn't going to affect their newborns? Afterwards what kind of atmosphere with pot smoke and cocaine will be for either her or family in the future?
Don't you look down the road? Probably not if you promote illegal drugs.
They will probably both end up in prison... But he's successful.
Where did I promote illegal drugs? Oh, I didn't. I don't like them or use them (seems like you didn't read where I said that), and don't want to be around them. But thanks for your assumptions. I'm just not judgmental about them. There are loads and loads of people that smoke marijuana and live happy, successful lives. Even some that party with coke and E from time to time. Or use hallucinogenics. They're not my thing, but that doesn't mean they're necessarily bad.
And why do you assume they will have children?
And no, there really isn't any evidence showing that male use of marijuana hurts a newborn prenatal-ly. Not good ones. There is some evidence of reduction of fertility in men, but that's a separate issue. Still... how did children come up!?!?!?
And why would they end up in prison? You're making giant assumptions. As usual. We didn't know he was even doing it illegally when the post was made. And its, in most places, about as illegal as having and open container... its like a $50 ticket.
(The cocaine mention was after your odd comment, so you weren't taking that into account)
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