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Okay that's fair. Honestly you're right, because I feel like after he visited he changed. Like the month after really, I felt like all of a sudden he was a different person.
Can I ask what your thoughts are about him not wanting to put up with expectations in a relationship? Do you think that's a good mentality?
It means he's not relationship material.
He enjoyed chasing you. He got to meet you and have sex with a virgin. What dude wouldn't like that?
And his mentality is fine. Yours and his are not compatible. That's all.
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I know. I'm just foolish for getting involved with someone who told me they don't believe in relationships. God I'm stupid. I'm just trying to understand those types of people, how can they not want to be loved? I'm doing a lot of introspective thinking. I think I need to take a break from trying to connect with people and live my life for me for now.
Don't start that nonsense. You learned something. If some dude says he's not good in relationships? Believe him.
You're not stupid. You're just inexperienced. Now, you know something you did not know before. Learn from it and move on.
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Oh don't even defend him. You don't even know the half of it. He's an *******. He treats me like garbage and expects me to respect him. Just save it.
Like you saved your virginity?
Yet he is not the one on this forum being all emotional, broken hearted, hurt feelings, upset that she is no longer a virgin because she gave that away, needing closure so she can move on.
Really?
Also the fact that you are stating for someone not to defend him because they don't know the half of it has not stopped you from asking on this very forum "What should I do"?
Yeah you're right. Nobody seems to understand that I had good intentions here, everyone wants to tell me that I'm wrong. You know, I wanted to find somebody near me that I could connect with and love, but I never have. Sorry for taking a chance on a guy that I thought was special and turned out to be a total jerk.
I've wanted to have a boyfriend my whole life, and everyone just wants sex, sex, sex. I'm just frustrated and tired that everyone sucks.
Serious question:
Why'd you think he was special? Because your description of him from even before you had sex with him makes him sound undesirable as a partner.
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I don't really understand what you mean by "work on your problems".. you aren't in a relationship anymore, what problems to you two have? You think he owes you talking regularly (forever?) because you lost your virginity to him? I don't see why you think that should be required. I think he probably is being a little mean but it's because you expect the relationship to stay the same even though you two are broken up and that's annoying and frustrating to him. It's unrealistic. Apologize, take a step back and contact him a lot less. See how he reacts to that and how you feel after doing that for a while (2+ months). I think you will find that you both feel better.
I want to add this as someone who also takes sex very seriously, but is more experienced and (slighty? ) more mature.
It's ok that your first time wasn't with someone you're going to be with forever. I understand it's a ****ty feeling but you are NOT less valuable as a person because of it. You're not. Try to understand and believe that. You made a conscious decision as a consenting adult and actually did have a fun, wonderful, safe, good-feeling time. Try to focus on that. For the future, remember that people may not be forever, just focus on being and feeling safe, secure, and sure you want to do it despite what may happen after. Sex is not currency. It is what it is. As much as I hate that phrase, it's true in this instance. Sex is what's happening and how you feel at the time. If all that is good and you have a strong sense of self without anything needing to be attached to it, you're good.
Well, duh, if giving someone your virginity was a guarantee that you'd be together for life, we'd all still be stuck with the jerk we gave our virginity to. That would NOT be a good way to live.
Virginity is a highly overrated thing. It isn't a commodity to be bargained with. You are not worth less as a person now that you no longer have it. Did your sexual ability improve over time? I'll bet it did. The next time you have sex, you will appreciate SO MUCH that you now have some idea what you are doing.
He is absolutely right that he owes you nothing. You now have better skills and are smarter than you were. It's okay to be sad that your relationship didn't work out. But Don't try to reason with him, and don't spend another second mourning the loss of what is of no value whatsoever.
I agree with this.
People who equate virginity with purity and being "good" and virtuous are wrong. It's just some cells that make up your hymen.
Relationships are tricky and people make mistakes.
You are the exact same person you were before, so don't be so hard on yourself.
During this time we were talking, I shared with him that I was still a virgin because I'd never met a guy that I trusted enough or knew well enough to sleep with. I've basically been looking for a steady boyfriend but had never found one. I didn't want to lose it to a one night stand, but the older I was getting the more curious I was about sex. I wanted to try it. Since at this point in my life I knew I was ready to have sex, I honestly thought I was ready to do it with Jake. The one thing that Jake made clear to me was that he wasn't the relationship type.
You're young, OP, so chalk this up to learning something early in life that many people don't figure out until they are older: When someone tells you something like that, believe him.
I know, that's the hardest part for me. I get really really upset and start texting like crazy and being all like "**** you" lol. I think it's my biggest problem..just being able to handle my emotions. I'm not texting him ever again.
Does nothing but drive away a guy, particularly one who clearly stated he is not relationship material. The end result is:
Quote:
Originally Posted by alaskandaisy
I'm at the end of breaking up with my boyfriend of about 5 months. We're long distance, so I think the whole thing was destined to fail. The past few days I've been trying to reach out to him and he barely answers my texts anymore.
What put me over the edge today was him telling me that he "doesn't owe me anything" after I told him I can't believe he took my virignity and has the balls to completely ignore me. Me saying that made everything worse. I didn't want to make it seem like he owes me, but I'm so hurt that he doesn't even want to speak to me or work out our problems.
Quote:
Am I in the wrong?It doesn't even really matter because we're over.I think I just want closure or something.
Nope.
Nope.
You're not going to get it from him.
Sorry you had this experience, OP. But take it as a lesson learned.
Why'd you think he was special? Because your description of him from even before you had sex with him makes him sound undesirable as a partner.
He was really awesome in the beginning. I was disillusioned, I felt like I was different or something. We met randomly online, I thought it was weirdly romantic at the time.
I have learned so, so much from this experience.
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) more mature.
