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Were the red flags always there and you just ignored them or did your partner change? Or did you not really know each other like you thought you did?
I thought I was marrying for life and I built my life around my husband and now kids. I was very young and I changed so much over time. I realize now I married a good person but not the right person or someone I have anything at all in common with. There is nothing holding me here anymore and I am miserable being with someone who sees life so differently.
I thought I was marrying for life and I built my life around my husband and now kids. I was very young and I changed so much over time. I realize now I married a good person but not the right person or someone I have anything at all in common with. There is nothing holding me here anymore and I am miserable being with someone who sees life so differently.
If you're trying to get out, for the sake of your kids...it is absolutely crucial that you know whether your spouse who is the kind of man who will behave with integrity in the divorce and not resort to manipulation sabotage of your parenting, and other forms emotional abuse. If he is that type it will be a horror to co-parent with him. You have got to know this FOR SURE going in. I didn't...and my fifteen year old spent the next three years of her life exploring just about every kind of trouble a teenager can get into. When people would ask her father what was he doing to help get her back home, straighten her out again, he would shrug and say, "The children live with their mother." As if to say, if my daughters are not acting out under MY roof, on MY custodial time, then I could give a flying d**mn."
All three. But sometimes the warning signs don't seem as obvious, until you've experienced what the warning signs were about. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that.
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Originally Posted by Utopian Slums
I think it was me not knowing myself the way I should have. I knew his shortcomings but thought I could deal with them and provide a good balance to us as a unit. I still feel kinda guilty that I wasn't strong enough to do this.
I think both of these ^^ ring true. Red flags were there, but I didn't have the knowledge base to recognize them as red flags. Likewise, I did know of his shortcomings as a human and partner, but I felt I was strong enough to bridge the gap.
I was so very wrong, and the life experience has changed me drastically. I know what I did wrong in the relationship so that I can improve on the future. My future will be brighter. What I didn't anticipate was the person he would become, influenced by the new personalities in his life, when the end came. I will be paying for that oversight for many years to come.
Were the red flags always there and you just ignored them or did your partner change? Or did you not really know each other like you thought you did?
All of that. I was very inexperienced, she wasnt, but we both jumped in too soon. Then we had several critical life events soon in the marriage which caused great stress. Tried to overlook them, eventually that caused more stress. Suddenly realized how different we really were, tried to make it work, eventually that didnt work for her and she ended it. At the same time changed her life completely, quit her very secure job and moved across the country. It was a total big mistake from the start now that I look back on it.
Red flags were all over mine from day 1, or even before we got married. Many things didn't make sense that ALL made sense after he left and I asked the other party directly. All the inconsistencies in his schedule, the deodorant smell that wasn't his, the missing underwear.. yeaaaaaah. I wasn't going insane, it was at least good to know that much. Because it was a marriage, I tried really hard to work things out, but at the end, he left. And it was the best thing he ever did for me, since it felt like I had my brain back again. So yes, if something feels off, SOMETHING is most definitely wrong. Trust your intuition/gut.
Were the red flags always there and you just ignored them or did your partner change? Or did you not really know each other like you thought you did?
All of the above. My ex-husband changed on our honeymoon with excessive drinking. It went downhill after that, and he eventually left me when our baby was four months old. I found out later, the reason for his departure was due to his "friendship" with a 13 year old girl.
All of the above. My ex-husband changed on our honeymoon with excessive drinking. It went downhill after that, and he eventually left me when our baby was four months old. I found out later, the reason for his departure was due to his "friendship" with a 13 year old girl.
So, again, all of the above.
Define "excessive"? Everyone has there own definition when it comes to drinking.
For me, I drink on the weekends only, and it's not every weekend. It's maybe one weekend evening a month.
But that's pretty pathetic to start drinking excessively on the honeymoon. That's a special time.
I suppose what allowed me to ignore the red flags was the fact that they were tempered (at least for a while) by the good things. We had a similar sense of humour and laughed a lot, could talk to each other easily (strangely!) and had the same view on a lot of things..........but not enough.
The things that bothered me started to eat away at everything and became larger. Areas where he was supposed to "grow up" didn't happen etc etc. It got to the point where I had to put up with it or walk. I chose to walk. I couldn't live like that. I would have had to make all the compromises.
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