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If potential future dividing of assets accumulated in the course of a marriage is a major source of concern for someone, then don't get married. This is not of concern for a great many people, clearly.
If the idea of being financially on the hook for the care and upkeep of any children you produce is a major source of concern, then don't engage in anything that would put you at risk for becoming a parent.
These are not difficult things to avoid. Nobody's making you participate in either.
For those who are happily married, by some strike of luck, best of luck to you - be happy.
I don't think it's luck, I think it's generally solid self-knowledge, clarity regarding your values and priorities and the ability to communicate them clearly with a compatible partner, good decisionmaking, and being selective about what people you allow into your life.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,962,945 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foobarX
But what work and sacrifice did that person do to get that? Absolutely nothing other than marrying me. The only reason that wealth existed was because of my sacrifices, not theirs, so if a relationship with me ends then so do the benefits of my hard work. Ultimately your views depend on your work ethic. I could never leave a marriage with 50/50 unless I contributed 50.
And you wouldn't lose that wealth. The asset you bought pre married would still be yours. Of course, if that other person moved in they would benefit from the increase in value, but they would be paying for the maintenance that contributes to that increase: taxes, repairs, etc.
You're making the assumption they move in with you, which is a big assumption. Say they have a house too, same price, also paid off. They sell that house and move in with you post marriage. You would get 50% of the income/wealth increase earned on say that $250k which was then invested. So if you marry an equal partner, which is wise, you think you should get that benefit? While the woman (I assume you're a man) should not get the benefit from the house?
That's a big part of why marriage is indeed a business partnership of sorts: both parties have legal and financial obligations to one another, which exist long after the relationship hits the skids. You cannot just legally walk away because your feelings change, or because the other spouse wronged you. That aspect of marriage is always a risk, but it's also a risk you enter into willingly.
Yup. And my personal rule is to never marry someone you wouldn't want to be divorced from.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TabulaRasa
I don't think it's luck, I think it's generally solid self-knowledge, clarity regarding your values and priorities and the ability to communicate them clearly with a compatible partner, good decisionmaking, and being selective about what people you allow into your life.
Do you not understand the difference between "cause" and "file?"
Seriously. Being the one to fill out the paperwork does not mean you are the one who sought to end or exit the marriage.
****, my aunt filed all the paperwork after my uncle was long gone, having shacked up with his mistress. She didn't end things, he did. The legalities were left to her, though, because he wasn't motivated to bother with something as mundane as paperwork. He didn't actually care if he was divorced or not, as his primary agenda was just being with the other woman, who also didn't care one way or another if he was divorced or married. Classy.
I will never understand the guys that are so gung ho about how awful they believe marriage to be. Marriage is a choice. If you don't want to get married, you don't have to. And if you think it's this horrible thing, then you really aren't suited for marriage to begin with. It's a win win situation for everyone if you don't get married. I don't get what the big deal is? There are lots of happily married people out there. They aren't going to suddenly think marriage is a bad thing because people who have never been married and never plan on being married think that it's horrible.
You seem to be living in some alternate universe. American society is in the process of a generational shift. Former generations are generations that were literally forced to marry their pregnant women and they were convinced that this traumatic experiences are necessary step. Their children are children of mainstream divorces among couples with children and they feel huge pressure to even speak out publicly against marriage. There's immense pressure by everyone on how the whole procedure needs to play out. To make the thing even worse, society even wants those guys to be the ones who will ask for marriage. So, if they need to be reminded or pressured on this step, it means that they already went out of line and society further increases pressure to a breaking point where they need to be outcasts and publicly condemn marriage or submit and obey the rules of society.
I've publicly said to my parents that I DON'T want to get married and they thought that masonic lodge, gay lobby, capitalist oppressors, nazis and so on have brainwashed my mind to think so. No, it was a rational thought of a 26 y/o man some years back. Society doesn't accept this choice. My parents never accepted this choice.
Tt's just absurd how the same folks spew the same agenda and ignore common sense.
Statements like those that divorce is rare, pretending that alimony isn't used in custody cases or in better settlements (i.e. having bigger share of property, paying out a lump sum of savings or keeping the house), or claims that divorces and separations are decreasing (i.e. implying that families are getting more stable) - are enough to disqualify someone from any further discussion...
It's also part of HuffPost's and other media's agenda to continue a criminal, human-rights-infringing institution that should be banned out of legislation because it's completely broken beyond repair.
By the way, a man walked in a local library and asked the librarian if they have a feminist book named "Rare cases of alimony and scarce divorces and separations in American society". Librarian said that fairy tales are on second floor.
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