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From these posts, it seems there is way too much emphasis in society on coupling up, marrying and kids. I think situations like the OPs arise from meeting society's expectations, but fears of being alone or thought of as 'outcast'.For those saying you will be young when the kids grow up, I would much rather be older than like some I know stuck raising grandkids because the young parents were ill prepared or the daddy of the kids are in jail. Im not saying all young parents are bad, but there just seems to be a pattern here.Marriage and kids doesn't always bring happiness. many people choose child-free or single life and never regret it Marriage, partners, and kids etc are great , but it's a choice. You don't need either to be a complete person.
I also married young. I won't say how young though. But I stuck with it. I had 3 young children from 1980 till 1987....then I decided 3 was enough. I focused on raising them, and trying to make the best of a bad situation/marriage.
Things can and do get better.
The relationship with my husband is not perfect, I mean marriage is hard work, its not always flowers and roses but I know he tries his best to help me make up for the things I missed out on life. We cant afford on international travel or somewhere exotic with 2 kids, but he always plans domestic trips yearly, whether it be CA, Chicago, Las Vegas etc. We went to Hawaii for our honeymoon and plan to go back next year with the kids.
Theres really no point dwelling in the past now, I will never be able to travel during my prime time, so the only option now is traveling later in life. When I am 36, my oldest will be 13 so its not too bad, I could lug them around and we could all enjoy it,
I just wanted to point out that while I didn't get married and have children at such a young age, I did feel that I'd missed the boat on my travel dreams b/c for some reason I just couldn't pull it together to go backpacking when I was young. What I did do was pull it together at 47 when my girls were young teens and we all went on a RTW trip as a family--complete with backpacks and tents and we traveled for 11 months and visited 15 countries, incl Oz, New Zealand, SE Asia, Egypt, Turkey, and then all over Europe. I adored traveling with my children and still do, though they are grown now, and I adored homeschooling them and finding educational opportunities on the trip--we called it "the ultimate field trip."
My advice to you is to do these things in order if a RTW trip sounds like something you'd like to do: make a gratitude list and really feel it (this is huge so don't skip this step), get that master's degree, start saving, keep in mind the end goal. Would your husband agree to a RTW trip at some point in the future? If so, start planning with him. When the kids get bigger, include them in. For us it was easy b/c we were getting ready to move and had to sell the house anyway, but most people are more locked in to their lifestyle and can't get away. If you start planning now, you won't get yourself so locked in. (BTW, your husband sounds wonderful.)
I really cannot tell you how grateful I am that we got to do this as a family--it was an incredible shared experience that brought us closer together, tho I am divorced from my husband now. I had a fear that my girls' education would suffer, but in fact one daughter got a full ride scholarship to a fantastic little university and her counselor suspected that it might be due to her unusual experiences in life that she displayed when she wrote her entrance essay.
A great book to fuel your dreams is: Adventuring With Children: An Inspirational Guide to World Travel and the Outdoors I just noticed that you can get it on amazon for a penny! You're 25--so young! You have a lot of life in front of you and believe me, it doesn't get any less fun when you're older.
You will be done before you know it, and have the opportunity to travel as much as you want. Your children are young now, but that doesn't last forever.
If you feel trapped in your marriage, leave. Set up your own independent life and then travel on your own or with the kids.
We travel more with kids than we did without. We also travel without kids too. We just leave our child with family.
This. OP, you have two choices: divorce him and leave him with the kids, and make a new life for yourself, or wait til the kids are grown, at which point you'll be in your 30's, totally in your prime, to travel all you want. (You could always divorce him when the kids are in college, if you still want to at that point.) You and your husband can also save together, so when the kids are a little older, you can all travel together, or you and he can have a nice vacation getaway while the kids stay with relatives, or something.
There are no easy solutions to your situation. Marriage is a big deal, not something you jump into to help a BF stay in the country. Good luck, whatever you choose.
I wasn’t really planning an age to get married but while being single I enjoyed studying in different countries such as USA and Japan, got to tour with a rock band (I play bass guitar), helped take care of my parents financially, travelled with friends or on my own to almost every continent around the world, helped in a community program, followed my favorite band U2 in one of their world tours, travelled to the USA in different occasions to see my favorite athletes and other sporting events, etc. the list goes on and on. I just got married and I can’t really think of something I really missed my opportunity to enjoy. Now I get to enjoy all those things with my wife. Enjoyed my life as a bachelor and now as a married guy. I think each stage of life blesses us in different ways.
Nice of CNN in that story to try and sugarcoat that story. Most single mother households are subject to poverty and dad did just enough to make things happen.
I wasn’t really planning an age to get married but while being single I enjoyed studying in different countries such as USA and Japan, got to tour with a rock band (I play bass guitar), helped take care of my parents financially, travelled with friends or on my own to almost every continent around the world, helped in a community program, followed my favorite band U2 in one of their world tours, travelled to the USA in different occasions to see my favorite athletes and other sporting events, etc. the list goes on and on. I just got married and I can’t really think of something I really missed my opportunity to enjoy. Now I get to enjoy all those things with my wife. Enjoyed my life as a bachelor and now as a married guy. I think each stage of life blesses us in different ways.
Bravo for you for getting to enjoy both stages of life. Unfortunately for me, I sometimes feel like I didnt get to enjoy my bachelorette phase...I dont think I even had one lol. It went from being a straight hs graduate, to meeting my husband that same summer and being committed since. I was a total train wreck though, and although there was an ulterior motive (marrying him so he could stay), but it came from love though. I wouldnt have married him if I didnt love him at that point. In some ways, he bettered my life.
And no, I would never walk out on him or my kids, like some people suggested. I know whats lost can never be retrieved. I made a choice to marry him at a young age adn to have kids so now I just have to make the best out of it. The problem with me is I am always living my life thinking about "what if". What if my uncle never passed away? I know that if my uncle hadnt passed, I dont think I would ever meet my husband, because as a teenager growing up I always wanted to start a family around 28 or so, its kinda like a turn of events that brought us together. To be honest, we encountered each other in a chat room (yea lucky me landed a decent guy lol), I always kept to myself on campus and in the real world, so if I hadnt met him online by chance I think I would still be single now.
When I was younger, I envisioned my self to be married by 25. My 4 year relationship ended just a couple of weeks after I turned 26.
When I was in h.s., I was super active with anything and everything, earning a business certificate, taking summer classes, graduated with honours, top 5 of the class...to move for to a business post-graduate and be like the next CEO or something. I worked hard for it, pushing to get that big corporate, suit-wearing job. I was stuck with retail/minimum wages job right after university. It was very disheartening how life never really turned out the way I envisioned it, but it is what it is. It took me years and odd jobs here and there to land a career...far from my expectation, but I make the best of it and enjoy it for what it is.
You can contemplate all you want, what could have been if you stayed single, but what good would it do? With your attitude right now, you'd probably do the exact same thing anyways, think, "What if I got married young, I'd be happy with a family who cares for me."
Ok, let's play your game. What if you didn't marry your husband and you remained single, what makes you think you'll be happier?
What if you dated around, got pregnant and the guy walks out on you?
What if you dated around and you just kept getting hurt (just look through all these posts on here alone...see how miserable people get when it comes to dating/feeling rejected).
What if by 28, you actually still haven't settled down, in fact, haven't found anyone at all? Just because you gave yourself an age target, doesn't mean it would happen.
Let's say you stayed single, realistically speaking, do you think you would have been able to travel around and do whatever you say you would have done? There is absolutely no guarantee that whatever you are imagining would happen if you just stayed single.
No one knows how our future will be like. We just make decisions and we stick with it and make the best out of it. I don't agree with other's suggestions that you divorce your husband then do whatever it is you think you can do if you're single. Being single and being married each have its own perks, use your perks as being married to your advantage.
Now that there's 2 income, it's easier and faster to save up for traveling.
Now that there's a family, you get an excuse to visit places you never did see when you were just a kid.
Focus on what you have now. Use your imaginative mind to find ways to get excited over life with your family.
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