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The problem is especially acute in blue-collar areas, where the "professionals" have coupled up early in life, and remain married. Those who are outside of this dynamic - male or female - are going to struggle. The big difference, as regards gender, is that women have better support networks (as noted repeatedly on this Forum), and are therefore better able to cope with being single.
Sorry you don't have a support network, oh_p. I may have asked you this a long time ago, but isn't there a Russian community anywhere near you? I've been impressed with how supportive people can be there, sometimes. They reach out to their own kind, that's been my experience, to some extent. Of course, it helps to have a direct introduction to individuals.
It seems for me that both for men and for women, there's the phenomenon of pricing ourselves out of the market. Here's what I mean....
This is to be expected. The stodgy pocket-protector set, who wear black dress-socks together with running shoes, who doggedly plow their nickels into the stock market while living in threadbare hovels in rust-belt towns, have lost their romantic appeal over the past several decades. These guys are doing well for themselves, but aren't doing well socially. Meanwhile, the swarthy and mysterious part-time baristas with sporadic $50/night gigs in local bars, are finding themselves to be replete with dating-opportunities. Why? Because they're personable and fun, casual, comforting. Who wants to be with an engineer or a lawyer who's constantly fretting over the decline in the S&P 500, or the rise in the dollar? He's boring, nervous and uptight. Not a catch.
That's not surprising. Persons with more education and more career/financial success in life, tend perhaps paradoxically to struggle more with relationships. It stands to reason that this would affect both men and women. Why? Because nearly everyone wants to be with a partner who's fun, non-threatening, not challenging, spontaneous, easy. If these female graduate students were to set up online-dating profiles, how many would receive curtly dismissive responses, along the line of "You're too smart for me!"?
The problem is especially acute in blue-collar areas, where the "professionals" have coupled up early in life, and remain married. Those who are outside of this dynamic - male or female - are going to struggle. The big difference, as regards gender, is that women have better support networks (as noted repeatedly on this Forum), and are therefore better able to cope with being single.
I myself fret over the decline in the S & P 500, I read The Atlantic, I read the Economist lol. Historically, I had been open to those sorts of men, but not the last time I was dating because my experiences with them had been anything but good. I agree with what you said - these people (men and women) price themselves out of the market. The main reason is the ascent of assortative mating. The well-educated and well-heeled elite would now prefer only to mate (at least long-term) with the non-plebeians. They simply will not consider people without their credentials as legitimate prospects. So unless they pair off young and most of them do (even if they delay the formal marriage ceremony for several years as is now customary), they're going to have trouble finding a mate and it's entirely a self-inflicted problem. I didn't even touch on the patronization they give you if you're a woman, nevermind one without an advanced degree. Even if they're not blatant know-it-alls and most of them are, the somewhat bemused expressions they give you really says it all, really.
But it's not to worry as most of them (well, the men anyway) will rectify it by ordering a wife from Thailand when they're north of 40.
I myself fret over the decline in the S & P 500, I read The Atlantic, I read the Economist lol. Historically, I had been open to those sorts of men, but not the last time I was dating because my experiences with them had been anything but good. I agree with what you said - these people (men and women) price themselves out of the market. The main reason is the ascent of assortative mating. The well-educated and well-heeled elite would now prefer only to mate (at least long-term) with the non-plebeians. They simply will not consider people without their credentials as legitimate prospects. So unless they pair off young and most of them do (even if they delay the formal marriage ceremony for several years as is now customary), they're going to have trouble finding a mate and it's entirely a self-inflicted problem. I didn't even touch on the patronization they give you if you're a woman, nevermind one without an advanced degree. Even if they're not blatant know-it-alls and most of them are, the somewhat bemused expressions they give you really says it all, really.
But it's not to worry as most of them (well, the men anyway) will rectify it by ordering a wife from Thailand when they're north of 40.
As a high earning professional, it's FAR more risky to marry someone making a low income (and the higher the education, the more likely they are to have a higher income). This goes for both men and women.
So I don't think it's about status and elitism as much as it is about practicality.
And for someone with a physical deficit (looks, height, or race), it's even more dangerous because you don't know if someone is using you for your money.
My strategy has simply been to place myself in situations where I'm more likely to meet highly educated people. Sometimes, this requires moving considerable distances. But, hey, gotta do what you gotta do, ya know?
As a high earning professional, it's FAR more risky to marry someone making a low income (and the higher the education, the more likely they are to have a higher income). This goes for both men and women.
So I don't think it's about status and elitism as much as it is about practicality.
And for someone with a physical deficit (looks, height, or race), it's even more dangerous because you don't know if someone is using you for your money.
My strategy has simply been to place myself in situations where I'm more likely to meet highly educated people. Sometimes, this requires moving considerable distances. But, hey, gotta do what you gotta do, ya know?
WHAT????!!!! I repeat, WHAT??????!!!o.0
Why would that cause anyone to suspect gold-digging???
However, I've found that educated women are more likely to overlook this than uneducated women (just my experience). Most women are focused on height (even moreso on OLD), but I've caught more breaks with educated women.
I'm not sure why this is, but I do have a few theories.
Ultimately, I'm at a huge disadvantage so I need to hedge my bets.
As a high earning professional, it's FAR more risky to marry someone making a low income (and the higher the education, the more likely they are to have a higher income). This goes for both men and women.
So I don't think it's about status and elitism as much as it is about practicality.
And for someone with a physical deficit (looks, height, or race), it's even more dangerous because you don't know if someone is using you for your money.
My strategy has simply been to place myself in situations where I'm more likely to meet highly educated people. Sometimes, this requires moving considerable distances. But, hey, gotta do what you gotta do, ya know?
So, how many times have you been used for your wealth because of your height?
So, how many times have you been used for your wealth because of your height?
I recently separated from the military. I routinely had women interested in me. Just the way they went about it and their histories (formerly married to military men, etc) suggested to me that they were mostly interested to benefits associated with the military (such as free health care).
Also, my particular profession outside of the military conveys higher status. A lot of people assume that I make good money. Women make moves on me in that context.
I suspect that this is due to my perceived income (I do make good money, but nowhere near what people some to think I make).
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