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Of course illness, little kids, stressful job, etc. etc. are a different story.
I have only experienced this when the other person themselves has had their minds preoccupied elsewhere.
Their headspace is nowhere near being sexual or sexual in nature on their own, they are full on with some other thoughts or events in their own minds.
It's important to take where they are when trying to "get" something you and only you want in those moments. It should change your approach and you shouldn't come out a angry for them not wanting to suddenly swing from left to right.
Now, if it's the same song and dance EVERYTIME you try it, that's another issue.
That IS them not taking your needs in to consideration to only focus on their own selves, ideas, desires and thoughts.
You may still get lucky, but it's only ever goin to be on their terms when they feel the personal need for it.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-15-2015 at 02:23 PM..
I have only experienced this when the other person themselves has had their minds preoccupied elsewhere.
Their headspace is nowhere near being sexual or sexual in nature on their own, they are full on with some other thoughts or events in their own minds.
It's important to take where they when trying to "get" something you and only you want in those moments. It should change your approach and you shouldn't come out a angry for them not wanting to suddenly swing from left to right.
Now, if it's the same song and dance EVERYTIME you try it, that's another issue.
That IS them not taking your needs in to consideration to only focus on their own selves, ideas, desires and thoughts.
You may still get lucky, but it's only ever goin to be on their terms when they feel the personal need for it.
Aren't we all? You HAVE to make time for love. 10-30 min an hour per week really is too much to do?
Aren't we all? You HAVE to make time for love. 10-30 min an hour per week really is too much to do?
You cannot speed up some trains of thought or acceptance. Things like being angry at one another keeping you from wanting intimacy. You have to logically work through this at the pace your mind allows you.
That's not in your direct control, you only control the ability to want to work through it, not how quickly it happens.
The rest of it is where the second part of my post comes in.
You can say your intentions are not selfish or self served, but if your actions are always to only serve what "you" want in every moment and shut out the possibility of anything you haven't planned for happening in your thoughts.
That speaks for itself.
You may not want to consider your actions selfish, but they are. You are only taking actions based on self in a situation based on the involvement of two (or more)
Romantic relationships require opening yourself up for their to be intimacy. If you are always shutting yourself and others down or only acting on your needs, you are purposefully chocking the intimacy out of your relationship.
It may not be affecting you in any peronsal way, but it's affecting the other.
It's undermining the others involvement and the purpose for being in a romantic relationship.
Last edited by rego00123; 10-15-2015 at 02:18 PM..
I have been thinking a lot about "solving problems backwards" lately. For instance, most will say that withholding sex has some deeper emotional or even physical culprit behind it, and that this needs to be solved first; sure, in many cases, that is true. But sometimes taking action BEFORE we feel fully mentally or emotionally prepared or sorted out can help us to develop the skills we need to dissolve the emotional issues. It is like people who stress about being awkward in dating and so they avoid it, but if they jumped in and dated more, then things would likely get better over time.
There is some evidence out there that sex drive can increase the more sex you have...which seems "backwards", but makes some sense if you think about it. Of course, communication is still necessary for working out details in order to solve what led to the dry spell to begin with.
I agree with this. I know when he is ticked off about something and not in the mood, but I also know that frequent or infrequent jags will cause an upward or downward cycle accordingly. When it's very frequent, we are usually in better moods, more communicative, more helpful. I get the idea behind the OP, and we do try to be proactive and initiate for the other person, but to me "withholding" is a wholly different mindset. When he's stressed out about work I don't think he is withholding.
I agree with this. I know when he is ticked off about something and not in the mood, but I also know that frequent or infrequent jags will cause an upward or downward cycle accordingly. When it's very frequent, we are usually in better moods, more communicative, more helpful. I get the idea behind the OP, and we do try to be proactive and initiate for the other person, but to me "withholding" is a wholly different mindset. When he's stressed out about work I don't think he is withholding.
In other words, you don't take it personally.
Unfortunately, some people do, and then it becomes a bit of a power struggle.
I agree with this. I know when he is ticked off about something and not in the mood, but I also know that frequent or infrequent jags will cause an upward or downward cycle accordingly. When it's very frequent, we are usually in better moods, more communicative, more helpful. I get the idea behind the OP, and we do try to be proactive and initiate for the other person, but to me "withholding" is a wholly different mindset. When he's stressed out about work I don't think he is withholding.
oh and to all of those who leave mean reputation comments: I don't take them seriously if you don't leave your name, coward.
But thanks for adding points to my reputation.
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