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So if your porn-addicted husband had let you straddle him once a week while he watched porn, that would have been totally ok with you?
It would have been an improvement.
Not great, but better than begging and begging and getting rejected with headache and back pain excuses or "I am 28, my prime time is over." .
It took me several years to figure out the porn thing (I caught him 3 years into the relationship and then it still took a while to realize people can be addicted and lose interest in real persons). Until then I wondered if I stink, are ugly, weird, boobs to small, too fat,/skinny, undesireable, is he gay, sick ....
Well, this mistery was solved but I know that there are many people out there, NOT addicted to porn who just leave their partner hanging.
But I also heard from many women that they just don't put out for no good reason either. They "just don't feel like it." I find that selfish and sometimes even cruel. How can you claim you love somebody but then let him beg for intimacy and just withhold?
Again - sickness and pregnancies or extreme professions or other obvious reasons are excluded.
Like my friend back then - she didn't work, was sitting around at home all day, wearing tight clothes, was pretty, used to be a gogo dancer. Slept with her husband every 4 months out of pity. He was unhappy and frustrated, couldn't even watch porn at home. She caught him once in the car. Poor guy.
I just looked her up on facebook, they are STILL together (10 years later). She was always fantasizing about male celebrities - I told her they would want her to put out also! I asked her why she doesn't sleep with her husband more often and her answer was "I just don't feel like it."
Every 4 months with her husband out of pity, and she wasn't having sex with anyone else on the side? Sounds like she was withholding because she just wasn't all that interested in sex for whatever reason. If there were no consequences to her withholding (e.g. Her husband cheating or leaving her), then I guess she wasn't really concerned about it.
A lot of times I think I'm not in the mood until I decide to "take on for the team" and I get in the mood.
So I think people should TRY more on the other's behalf. Even if the mood is not totally upon you it is an act of intimacy and closeness.
This is absolutely the right answer. I've been really busy with work and activities lately, so I've been a once a week, maybe twice a week guy now. She was really in the mood and I just kind of wanted to go to sleep. She got me in the mood, to where I really enjoyed it and was glad we had it. Sure, I could have just said no to the inquisition, but she was willing to do more of the work, which really got me in the mood.
We're also both pretty adamant about not having kids any time soon and she's looking to start Grad school in the Fall. I'm 31, and each day that passes, I want a bit less to do with children on a full-time basis. She's talked about children, but she's indifferent, and really doesn't have the time or can afford a child at the moment. We're both in a good spot in that regard, but I do know how having children can suck the love and effort right out of a marriage.
I grew up in a single parent household to where I saw just how difficult being raised by one parent was. Quite frankly, I really don't even want to chance it being a single parent, unless we or me opts to adopt. I'm just not as interested in children as I once thought I was. Things may change like a fart in the wind, but that's how I'm feeling now. I learned this more when I was spending time with a single mom for over a year and still hadn't met her children. That let me know that I may not be interested in kids in that fashion.
There are many types of sexual relationships, and you are trying to lump them all together in to one premise. It's just not gonna work.
Even mikala's point about "getting me in the mood" doesn't apply to YOUR situations because your partners were not ever gonna get in the mood. Begging and pleading sure doesn't help someone feel sexy either.
Because the common denominator in all sexual relationships is desire, and while the desire can be buried under a million different layers of daily life crap, if it's there, as in mikala's case, then "taking one for the team" is possible.
BUT ... if it's not even there, as in your partners' cases or in the case of your sociopathic, former go-go dancing friend, there is NO WAY IN HELL that just spreading your legs, as you so crudely put it, is a good thing.
It doesn't sound like she is in love with him. I could be wrong - but I'm in love with my husband. Because of that, I WANT to sleep with him.
And that's where I can see why people just give up and get a side piece. If a spouse isn't putting out because they're not "in love" anymore, then they need to go... or accept that their spouse will get sex somewhere else. Barring extenuating circumstances of course, expecting your spouse to put up with celibacy because you're not "in love" is unconscionable.
(Disclaimer: that is a general "you" or "you're", not you specifically, Dew)
This is possibly the most uncouth thread I've seen here in a long time.....
I can't believe some of the responses here, but then again this is C-D
I honestly have a list of married guys who are good looking, smart, charming & fun--
Wanting to hookup with me......
And every single one of them tells me their little old wives
are never in the mood, or always away on trips, etc.
Now if I was desperate, or sociopathic, or even just a sleaze-
I'd be having a helluva lot of fun.....
But I have a strong moral compass.
Lmao.....the people endorsing getting a "side piece"
really should wind up w/ a cheating spouse.....
This is possibly the most uncouth thread I've seen here in a long time.....
I can't believe some of the responses here, but then again this is C-D
I honestly have a list of married guys who are good looking, smart, charming & fun--
Wanting to hookup with me......
And every single one of them tells me their little old wives
are never in the mood, or always away on trips, etc.
Now if I was desperate, or sociopathic, or even just a sleaze-
I'd be having a helluva lot of fun.....
But I have a strong moral compass.
Lmao.....the people endorsing getting a "side piece"
really should wind up w/ a cheating spouse.....
I'm sure you didn't.
It's a very superficial immature thing to say that people should just put out for a happy relationship.
I don't get that.
I constantly hear from so many men that they're all so sexually neglected....
(One has been ringing my damn phone off the hook all day today, actually)
I honestly could care less.
People will always find reasons to complain & cheat if that's their nature.
I'm sure you didn't.
It's a very superficial immature thing to say that people should just put out for a happy relationship.
I don't get that.
I constantly hear from so many men that they're all so sexually neglected....
(One has been ringing my damn phone off the hook all day today, actually)
I honestly could care less.
People will always find reasons to complain & cheat if that's their nature.
Aaaahhh, there you are. I was waiting for you to insult me. Seems like a habit of yours. You just HAVE to be mean.
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