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I always wonder about relationships with lack of sex.
So many couples would be WAY more happy, if one of them wouldn't withhold sex.
Why can't you guys just spread your legs for 10 minutes 1-2x per week ... or for men - get it up to make the other person happy?
It doesn't hurt, it doesn't cost money, it doesn't make fat.
Why not do it and make the other person happy? Even if it is a chore for you and you are not into it (anymore), why can't you take one for the team and save your relationship with it?
So many people complain to be in a sexless relationship. They would be super happy to get laid once a week. Why do you guys rather live with an unhappy partner as putting out??
I had a friend who got mad when her husband watched porn. I said "if you don't want to sleep with him, you can be happy it is just porn and not another woman! He DESERVES to get laid!" She just didn't feel like it and said it is no fun, and if they do it, he is done after 3 minutes. So?? Maybe he would get better if they had regular sex. At least he would be happier!! Which in turn makes her happier ... RIGHT??
I don't get it. Can anyone please explain the mindset of a withholder?
I always wonder about relationships with lack of sex.
So many couples would be WAY more happy, if one of them wouldn't withhold sex.
Why can't you guys just spread your legs for 10 minutes 1-2x per week ... or for men - get it up to make the other person happy?
It doesn't hurt, it doesn't cost money, it doesn't make fat.
Why not do it and make the other person happy? Even if it is a chore for you and you are not into it (anymore), why can't you take one for the team and save your relationship with it?
So many people complain to be in a sexless relationship. They would be super happy to get laid once a week. Why do you guys rather live with an unhappy partner as putting out??
I had a friend who got mad when her husband watched porn. I said "if you don't want to sleep with him, you can be happy it is just porn and not another woman! He DESERVES to get laid!" She just didn't feel like it and said it is no fun, and if they do it, he is done after 3 minutes. So?? Maybe he would get better if they had regular sex. At least he would be happier!! Which in turn makes her happier ... RIGHT??
I don't get it. Can anyone please explain the mindset of a withholder?
Um ... I don't think it's always withholding for the sake of withholding.
There are a million reasons couples stop having sex, and the problems behind those reasons aren't easily solved by "taking one for the team."
And most guys I know wouldn't want to hammer away at a woman who just "spread her legs" for charity.
I get where you're coming from.. That's something I don't understand about people who get into LTRs & marriages with people only to complain - then look for solutions outside the relationship..?! Excessive porn, substance abuse, affairs, cheating, etc... It's like wtf, learn to deal with your shyte or just end it already..
That sounds pretty awful. I think lack of sex is generally a symptom and not the root of the problem.
This. I could never have regular "duty sex" with someone, although I have tried. It's hard to explain, but it feels ugly and diminishing. And it doesn't fix anything. Instead it just breeds more resentment.
That sounds pretty awful. I think lack of sex is generally a symptom and not the root of the problem.
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa
This. I could never have regular "duty sex" with someone, although I have tried. It's hard to explain, but it feels ugly and diminishing. And it doesn't fix anything. Instead it just breeds more resentment.
Yes.
Sex doesn't happen in a vacuum (metaphorically speaking, of course. ). I can admire the ability of many men to compartmentalize every aspect of their lives, including sex, but most women simply don't work that way. As much as you seem to claim to, I'm guessing you probably don't, either, OP.
Um ... I don't think it's always withholding for the sake of withholding.
There are a million reasons couples stop having sex, and the problems behind those reasons aren't easily solved by "taking one for the team."
And most guys I know wouldn't want to hammer away at a woman who just "spread her legs" for charity.
Theoretically, OP, you aren't wrong. Theoretically. Your prescription sounds great.
As many of us know, however, what we learned in college, though theoretically accurate, often doesn't match what we experience day-to-day, week to week, month to month, year after year, in a long career.
Have you been in a long relationship, OP (> 10 years)? Do you have the added responsibilities of kids on top of a demanding job that may include long hours and international travel? Do you have family around to help? Have you gone for months, perhaps years, averaging 4 or 5 hours of sleep per night (this scenario is not uncommon in families with young children)? Do you, perhaps, have a child with special needs? Are you caring for an ailing parent or parents?
I could go on, but suffice to say that even one of these factors over a long period of time can negatively affect one's sex life, let alone the cumulative impact of all of these factors and maybe more. For years.
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). I can admire the ability of many men to compartmentalize every aspect of their lives, including sex, but most women simply don't work that way. As much as you seem to claim to, I'm guessing you probably don't, either, OP.
