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My 48 year old neighbor has a habit of chatting with 14 year old girls on facebook. The local police have taken a keen interest in his activities.
It sounds as if your husband is lacking in common sense and boundaries. There's simply no reason for a grown man to be chatting with teenagers on the internet. You should probably prepare for the inevitable backlash if he continues to do this.
First off he's not a pastor or the clergy. He's just a lay person in this position. He's always been involved with the youth dept with our church. His chats aren't private cause he does in right in front of me. And they do not chat often. I guess the last time I saw hi in an open chat was about a year ago. It just sparked my memory this morning when I noticed his chat session open talking to the other girl about her inviting us to her homecoming game this Friday. The girls he was chatting with don't even come to our church anymore so I'm not sure he's even still in contact with them. They may show up once every 6 months or so. Yes, when he talks to the other young girls in the sanctuary there's always another adult in the conversation or even close by. The parents of a lot of these girls also go to our church and they don't seem to have a problem with it, I do because it only takes one person saying something for a major incident to happen. My husband told me some time ago that we should go to the graduation of this other girl to show support since her mother died. He and her mother were very close and he took her death very hard. To me, that's fine. I just don't want to see him get caught up by these other girls.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Personally I'd be far more scared of the girls' fathers or brothers than the police. A lot of dudes won't exhibit the self-control the police are legally required to if something is awry.
Personally I'd be far more scared of the girls' fathers or brothers than the police. A lot of dudes won't exhibit the self-control the police are legally required to if something is awry.
This is a bit of a generalization and I realize that, but typically if a teenage girl is glomming onto a middle aged man, her dad isn't super involved in her life.
I have an issue with my husband that he doesn't seem to care about. I've caught him chatting with several young girls on Facebook These girls are, at the oldest, 16 years old. When I met him he was very active in his church. He's a youth advisor and sunday school teacher among other positions and the class he teaches is the teenage group, 13 - 18. My issue is that a few times I've walked into the bedroom and he'll have his Facebook chat window open and he'll be in a conversation with one of these little girls from church. I told him he needed to stop that because it didn't look good for a 40-something year old male to be chatting with a 15 or 16 year old girl on Facebook. He said there's nothing going on between them and he likes to keep in touch with them. It seems that when ever there's an event in our church and they break up the kids into groups he usually ends up with this same age group. I've never spoken to these girls but they are the "fast tailed" girls from the low income housing projects.
This morning when I walked into the room from taking my shower I noticed his chat session open and he had a slight smile on his face. I questioned him about it and his response was this, "well, since you aren't going to wait on me to tell you, Jessica (Fake Name) sent me a message wanting us to come to her homecoming game this coming friday because she's running for homecoming queen." At that point I thought he was talking about one of those little girls from church and I sort of went off. I told him that he needed to stop talking to those little girls. He then looks at me and says, "What?" At that point I thought about the name he told me and felt bad. The girl he was talking about was the daughter of a lifelong friend of my husband who passed away a few years ago. She had two daughters that my husband and quite a few members of our church really care for. She's a sweet girl and wanted us to come to the homecoming game and support her.
However, my husband chatting to these other girls is a bit much for me. He says that as a youth advisor it's his job to keep in touch with these kids. He's just as friendly with the young guys too but I've never seen him chatting with them on Facebook. Am I wrong to think that if it got out that he was chatting like this someone would begin to think something was up? He doesn't chat often but it seemed to be an issue several years ago. Most of the time he'll go up to them in church and always be in constant conversations with them. I think a grown man needs to limit his conversations in an open setting like a church with young adolescent girls. Am I wrong?
Talk to your husband about the issues you are having, go to counseling together.
It appears you are looking for a reason to break up your marriage and blame your husband completely and you want it to be as dramatic and as attention getting as possible.
I would say just get prepared for the inevitable that at any time the police could come knocking on your door and hauling your husband to jail for child porn , showing up at some girls house for you know what . I would suggest that you also have a talk with the head pastor of your church voicing your concerns about what is going on with your husband .
two things
1 you should be seeking God on those issue and be praying for your husband looking for God's direction in that prayer.
Secondly you should be joining him in his ministry ,in all that he does and be an actual part of his life rather then a spectator.
I would say just get prepared for the inevitable that at any time the police could come knocking on your door and hauling your husband to jail for child porn , showing up at some girls house for you know what . I would suggest that you also have a talk with the head pastor of your church voicing your concerns about what is going on with your husband .
Wow!
The girls message him once ever 6 month to a year!! He is a counselor!!!
Let's hang every adult that tries to help a young person out. Aww heck, let's jail any adult who says hi to a minor or tries to give a minor candy!!!
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,753,896 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dewdroplet76
Why are we so quick to judge a man who takes an interest in the lives of kids who might not have a father figure?
You can take an interest in a teens life without being as suspect as OPs husband. He is delving into dangerous territory in a situation where even the appearance of suspect activity is enough to get him into trouble. One of my old best friends is a male youth pastor who directs anything that personal with a teen female to his wife. While I think it is horrible the male pedo stereotype exists, it ain't going everywhere so men need to be super careful around children that ain't theirs.
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