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Aye. He has to work through it for himself so he can get to the place where he realizes he's better off without her, true. But this is going to take time. Seven years is nothing to sneeze at, and I think telling him to "get over it" and saying things to him like "you're divorced, what she does is none of your business" as some have done is counterproductive and a bit heartless.
So "You probably were cheated" and "Get tested for STDs" is better?
Cheating is a symptom of a failing marriage, and both parties are responsible for its failure, true. But cheating is ultimately a choice on the part of the cheater. No one "just happens" to cheat. Penises don't magically fall into vaginas.
The infidelity/cheating is speculation. All the OP knows is the relatively short time period it took for her to move on... and back to an ex. It could have happened... or it could have not... OP doesn't explain what lead to the end of their marriage.
And I'm not sure why all of you immediately jump to support the OP unconditionally without questioning anything, like why they got divorced, how their marriage was, if he ever did anything, if he ever had any evidence other than the "sudden " engagement to support a cheating theory, if he's possibly deflecting his own responsibility for the dissolution of his marriage by labeling his ex a cheater thereby absolving him of any guilt for his marriage not working out.
How long they may have been separated before divorcing, if he ever dated while married or separated, how long exactly were they divorced before his ex got engaged, how long she plans on being engaged before getting married.....etc etc etc
No, I'm validating what he suspects. Don't cherry pick my posts. Read them in context.
My point is what exactly could be posted other than validation, acknowledgement and advice that is "less harsher"? Comfort and consolation cannot be given in this form of communication via written word... Not sure what exactly more posters can write that is "less harsher" and more than what has already been said.
Oh, come on. Not only is timing everything, the gut never lies, especially about this stuff. My guess is he suspected this deep down on some level, and what hurts is the evidence that his suspicions were right. It's extremely rare that people who were cheated on don't realize it, even if they live in denial about it.
Someone on another thread summed it up nicely: When you suspect someone of cheating, the person probably has, and the extent of the cheating is probably worse than you can imagine or will ever know for sure.
Did you cheat? You're reacting like someone who has.
My situation has been posted in this forum and this is not about me.
Do you really need everything to boiled down to good versus bad in order to process the content?
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