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Alot of defending this girl and wondering if you have any personal relationship with her like maybe a friend of family or father,uncle? No one is going to find much to defend about her. She was looking for a way out from home,and even a man too old for her looked like a sugar daddy to her and she went with it. Both are feeling results of bad decision making. And the way I see they both were using each other.
It almost seems you married him to avoid real life (I know! I'll get married and play house!).
Kind of what I thought too, since two of her three posts mention that he said he'd take care of her.
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Originally Posted by GraceKrispy
Lots of good thoughts on this thread.
Op, you have a choice. You always have a choice. You made a choice to get married straight out of high school. You chose the man to marry (I don't buy the whole "he tricked her" or "it's all on him" line of thought- 19 yo is old enough to make decisions; also, plenty of 31 yo aren't any more mature at making decisions than a 19 yo).
Now, your husband believes you are obligated to work for a family business. You would rather stay home and hang out with your friends. Sounds like marriage isn't what either of you thought it might be. Again, you have a choice. Talk to him, find a different job that takes up time and brings you income, leave him, divorce, continue to work with him, etc. There are a lot of choices you can make here. You are really young and you have your whole life ahead of you. If this is not he way you want to spend it, make a different choice.
Now for my opinion: It sounds like you really want to be taken care of, but I personally think you have to be really careful about that. Let's say you find someone who takes care of you and you stay home and spend time with friends and fill your days with things you enjoy. Let's say something happens: your husband passes away, he leaves you, he is injured and unable to continue working, etc. Then what do you do? You won't have established career skills, you have no work history, perhaps you have children to take care of, etc. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be taken care of, and there is nothing wrong with being a mother and staying home to take care of the house and family. That's a choice. but there is a lot to be said for establishing some work history or education or work skills so you have options down the road should you need them.
Good luck with this. Remember, you have choices in your life. If you are unhappy, you need to exercise your right to make a different choice. This is all on you.
I really hope the OP reads this one ^^^^. Really reads it.
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Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
If you take a look at the first post, she says "the lines can get long". So she thinks it's successful because there's (apparently) a good demand for what he's selling. In other words, at least he seems to have a steady clientele. Whether or not he's making a good profit and is able to support them with what he makes, we don't know for sure, but he's not asking her to go out and earn a 2nd income, so maybe he's doing ok. Or maybe he's subsidizing it with his savings, and she doesn't know. We have no way of knowing. But at least he has enough customers to keep them both busy. In that sense, it was a "successful" business launch. A narrow definition of "success", granted.
He was selling ice cream over the summer, now he's moved on the "actual food," but she didn't say what that is. Ice cream in the summer is likely to be a lot more "successful" than quite possibly anything the rest of the year. She hates it now? Wait until it's freezing cold outside and there's maybe 1 - 2 customers a day because the weather is too nasty for standing around waiting for food cart food to be made. Unless of course, they live somewhere with good weather year round - just speculating on what could be around the corner for her.
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Originally Posted by JanND
OP, I think that you should sit down with your husband and decide how much you are going to pay this new employee...and then deduct that from your household income....Then figure out what you'll need to go without....Internet?? new clothes?? food? If you can afford an employee to replace you, then perhaps you need to let your hubby hire someone to replace himself too.
And, maybe you and your hubby should take turns taking a day off...He might want to hang out with his friends and do nothing one day a week too. Fair is fair.
I really like the idea of sitting down and seeing how much it would take for him to hire someone and deciding what she's willing to give up to make that happen. Marriage is about compromise. You don't want to work in the food truck, what are you willing to give up to free up the income for that to happen?
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Originally Posted by luv my dayton
Just out of curiosity, what big plans do you have if your not helping your husband build his business. Sleeping in and doing FB or texting all day? Dont think this marriage will be successful nor long.
Staying home with the dog, starting a family and maybe eventually becoming a dog groomer (which can also have long hours, if you are successful, and be incredibly hard on the body) or work in an animal rescue shelter. Eventually, maybe after the kids are in school all day so they don't have to pay for day care?
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Originally Posted by monumentus
I have read the OP a few times now and she says it is their first YEAR having the truck. Not six months. And nothing else in the OP suggests they have only had it 6 months. Perhaps I have misread something - it happens - so let me know where you got this from so I can correct my error.
My mistake. I read they got the truck in March. And because I misread it the first time, I misread it the second time too.
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Originally Posted by monumentus
Not what she said at all. She said she wants to work in the home - that is work. To do the family raising - that is work. And that she wants to get into work with animals - that is also work.
I agree. It is work to be a stay at home spouse. But I'm wondering if she realizes it won't necessarily be easier on her as being a stay at home spouse is also a full time job, unless she doesn't realize that is who cooks the meals, keeps the house clean, does the shopping, runs the errands, deals with repair people, does the laundry. If she was a stay at home wife, I would not be surprised if her OP was that she was tired of being treated like she's the maid!
Eventually she wants to get into working with animals. Right now, she wants to get a dog and start a family. She has said twice she married him thinking they would start a family right away. That is her ambition right now; to get pregnant.
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Originally Posted by JanND
And, give this wanting a baby right now some real thought. If you think you are busy now...A baby is 24 hours a day...you will not be hanging out with your friends then either.
My mistake. I read they got the truck in March. And because I misread it the first time, I misread it the second time too.
They got married in March. We don't know when he got the truck. Maybe it was before. If so, and paid in full, it could be considered his separate property. But reading between the lines, she thought she was going to be able to stay at home and be taken care of when they got married, so my bet is she started working fulltime in the truck after they got married.
They got married in March. We don't know when he got the truck. Maybe it was before.
She said in the OP it's the first year of owning the truck. I got called out for misstating that they'd owned it since March by Momentus and was owning up to my mistake.
But yes, it does sound like she was under the impression that after they got married, he'd work the truck and she'd stay home with the dog and get pregnant. Depending on the state, if she can prove fraud, she can get an annulment and go back to being a teenager instead of a wife.
And as it was pointed out earlier, there are other ways she can help - she seemed to enjoy the marketing aspect. Maybe take a couple of classes and learn how to keep the books so that's either some pressure off the hubby or less he has to pay someone else.
She said in the OP it's the first year of owning the truck. I got called out for misstating that they'd owned it since March by Momentus and was owning up to my mistake.
But yes, it does sound like she was under the impression that after they got married, he'd work the truck and she'd stay home with the dog and get pregnant. Depending on the state, if she can prove fraud, she can get an annulment and go back to being a teenager instead of a wife.
And as it was pointed out earlier, there are other ways she can help - she seemed to enjoy the marketing aspect. Maybe take a couple of classes and learn how to keep the books so that's either some pressure off the hubby or less he has to pay someone else.
That's a good idea. Bookkeeping is a huge time-consuming hassle for business owners, even if they have something simple, like a massage or acupuncture practice. Some practitioners take 1 day off from the office/week, just to do the books, keep track of purchases, receipts, & other expenses, as well as sales. The OP could also do the shopping for supplies. That still wouldn't solve the problem of juggling long lines of customers, though.
Really, the OP sounds like she wants to go back to being a teenager; hanging out with her friends and her dog. I wonder what she makes of the variety of suggestions that she do just that; get out of the marriage while she can do that easily, and start over.
In any case, she needs to open a major line of communication with her husband about how she feels about it all, what the options might be if she stays in the marriage (hiring a part-time server while she cuts back on personal expenses, as someone suggested, for example), learning to do the accounting, etc. Or.....check out of the marriage.
I have been married since March 2015 and my husband has a food truck. It's pretty much been his dream to have one and he spent 4 years working in food places and learning how to do it so he could get his own truck. This was his first year having the truck and its been cool because we put it on twitter and fb, Instagram and over the summer his truck got some attention online and its been successful.
The problem is that he makes me help him and I'm really miserable. I graduated high school last year and I barely see my friends anymore, I just catch up with them online and fb. We start preparing everything EARLY and even after there are no more people and customers we still have to wipe everything down and clean and then there is the ordering the stuff he needs to cook... It's never stop!
Another thing is that at first he was just doing ice cream and when that was over he said it was just seasonal.. Well that was the summer since that's when iuce cream is popular but now he has moved on to actual food and I hate it because I feel like we are in the truck more than we are at home.
I try to stay home but he makes me go because he needs the extra help since the lines can get long. Every time I tell him to hire someone new he gets really annoyed and that starts a fight. But these past few months have not been then happiest I have been soooo depressed and I feel so shut in I just want to take a day off or for us to spend time together not on the truck. We didn't even do a honeymoon because at that time the truck was getting painted and he wanted to stick around and see it getting done in person.
Plus working on it all day just makes me tired. I try to talk to him about it but he gets mad when I do. I just need advice on what to say plus how to work on our relationship. Thanks
Welcome to the adult world~~ You need to realize your no longer a child, the sooner you aspect that reality the better off you'll be!
She said in the OP it's the first year of owning the truck. I got called out for misstating that they'd owned it since March by Momentus and was owning up to my mistake.
Considering that it started out an ice cream truck, I'm betting she started working the truck after March rather than before.
She said in the OP it's the first year of owning the truck. I got called out for misstating that they'd owned it since March by Momentus and was owning up to my mistake.
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Originally Posted by oceangaia
Considering that it started out an ice cream truck, I'm betting she started working the truck after March rather than before.
The OP also mentioned that they skipped their honeymoon because the truck was going to be painted and hubs wanted to be there, so I'm inclined to think the whole thing really got started after March-ish as well. Either way, 6 months still fall in the "first year (of having the truck)"; that other poster is simply nitpicking.
ETA: to expound on a point made by the other posters, having and raising a baby is utterly exhausting, both physically and mentally. You're more likely not to still NOT see your friends as oftentimes, once novelty wears off, they rather go do adult fun times than hang around a young mom with a baby in tow. You need to decide what you really really want because you're clearly not able to handle the reality you live in now-- and make a change. Whether its your marital status or your thinking process. Its not unreasonable to want a day off, but you'll have to stand your ground on that when you discuss with your husband.
Yes it is work, it just doesn't return a paycheck.
The goal posts are shifting all over the place on this thread. Every point that someone makes seems to be met with a tangential bit of barely related Red Herring.
The point was that people claim she wants to sit around at home and do nothing except maybe see her friends all the time.
The REALITY is that she never said she wants to see her friends all the time - she merely lamented not being able to see them AT ALL. And she never said she wants to sit around and do nothing all day - as being a home-maker, raising a family, and working with animals is not doing nothing.
Now if you want to shift the goal posts to a discussion about how being a Stay At Home Parent does not bring money in - fine - but do not do so while pretending this replies to the point I was making.
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Originally Posted by JanND
Maybe the husband should save this thread...to show that she never wanted to be part of this business
Not sure how true that is either. Where does she say she never wanted to be part of it? What appears to be more accurate is that she was quite happy to be part of it and help support it at the start - but that it kept evolving into things she never signed up for - with effects on her life current and future she also did not sign up for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
And, give this wanting a baby right now some real thought. If you think you are busy now...A baby is 24 hours a day...you will not be hanging out with your friends then either.
Well that depends. A lot of Stay At Home Parents do spend a lot of time with friends because it is quite mutually supportive. They exchange help and tips, support each other, and as the children grow and become more involved with each other - this takes a lot of pressure off the parents as they occupy and stimulate each other too. I can certainly tell you that 5 parents separately looking after 5 children have a lot more work to do much of the time than if the same 10 people were in one area together.
So it is quite possible the social side of her life will much improve as a parent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by JanND
Try to sit down and discuss a goal with your husband. Start off telling him you'd like to discuss what the next year will look like...rather than start off simply complaining. He may be more receptive, and participate in the discussion.
This is essentially the same advice I gave - though I did not assume anyone has been "starting off with complaining". I just hope when she sits down and tries to have a long term discussion with him about this - rather than a simple "I want out - go hire someone" finality one - that he IS more receptive to it. Because from what the OP describes in the Opening Post - this is not a man open to communication on the issue. We can just hope this improves.
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Originally Posted by JanND
No matter what happens in your lives, being able to at least sit down and talk things out is critical.
This. For sure. I personally think there is no corner stone in any relationship more important than full duplex communication. Relationships CAN of course work without it - but I warrant they are by far the exception rather than the rule these days.
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Originally Posted by luv my dayton
Learned alot about things as this thread got longer. Never did get an answer just a few posts ago when I asked her what plans she had for herself which I thought maybe learning a trade, going back to school etc. Still no response.
Erm - I thought she did reply to this saying she wanted to work with animals - and she wanted to work on the family and home.
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Originally Posted by luv my dayton
She finds not much is the same as she still has to do something other than giggle and laugh with her friends and take naps off and on.
Where are you pulling all this crap from? She has expressed no such desires for her life to go as you describe. You are inventing and projecting nonsense now.
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Originally Posted by luv my dayton
The girl got what she deserved and not evening thinking about accomplishing anything and hope to god she cant have a child as the baby hardly deserves this. I must be off as I do have things I do need to accomplish today.
Like what? More judgemental nonsense fabricated to demean people who do not deserve it? Nothing in the thread whatsoever - except for your own fantastical meanderings - is suggestive she would be an unfit parent. You have simply placed yourself on a high horse you imagine you deserve to occupy - and you will invent any nonsense that allows you to look down from up on high.
Quote:
Originally Posted by luv my dayton
Alot of defending this girl and wondering if you have any personal relationship with her like maybe a friend of family or father,uncle?
As I said before - though you conveniently ignore it to support your fabricated and petty little narrative - I have not been defending the OP all that much. What I HAVE been doing is calling people on inventing crap the OP never said. Or in some cases making suggestions that are the exact OPPOSITE of what the OP really said.
The actual direct advice I have given the OP is neither defending NOR attacking her you will find if you actually bother to read any of it before launching off a tirade at your little row of straw men.
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Originally Posted by OptimusPrime69
Why would u get married right outta high school like that? Terrible decision
Lots of people do. But notice that that is not at all what the thread is about.
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Originally Posted by NWGirl74
I agree. It is work to be a stay at home spouse. But I'm wondering if she realizes it won't necessarily be easier on her as being a stay at home spouse is also a full time job, unless she doesn't realize that is who cooks the meals, keeps the house clean, does the shopping, runs the errands, deals with repair people, does the laundry. If she was a stay at home wife, I would not be surprised if her OP was that she was tired of being treated like she's the maid!
Perhaps. A lot of it comes down to whether the OP is put out by the work being hard - or it being hard work that she does not actually _want to do_ and in many ways never signed up to in the first place. Hard work is one thing - but how one responds to hard work entirely depends on how invested one is in oneself in that work.
And some people in a situation like the OP would happily move to work that is HARDER - but they are invested in it and it is what they actually want to do - than stick with something relatively easier that they hate.
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Originally Posted by Inkpoe
Tthat other poster is simply nitpicking.
Suggesting people do not leap to conclusions that the OP never claimed is not nit picking. The thread has been one very long exercise in making things up about the OP in some cases - and even claiming things about the OP that are the exact opposite of what the OP actually said in other more extreme cases.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inkpoe
having and raising a baby is utterly exhausting, both physically and mentally. You're more likely not to still NOT see your friends as oftentimes, once novelty wears off, they rather go do adult fun times than hang around a young mom with a baby in tow.
Some do some do not. And that is just the non-parent friends. Friends that are themselves parents also will further differ in this regard. And as I stated above it is true of many people that it is not being exhausted that they are trying to avoid - but being exhausted doing something they do not actually want to do. So we have no way to leap to the conclusion that because she does not want to be exhausted in THIS context - that she is not happy to be so in another. Only the OP can answer that one for herself.
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and I'm really miserable. I graduated high school last year and I barely see my friends anymore, I just catch up with them online and fb. We start preparing everything EARLY and even after there are no more people and customers we still have to wipe everything down and clean and then there is the ordering the stuff he needs to cook... It's never stop!
I just want to take a day off or for us to spend time together not on the truck. We didn't even do a honeymoon because at that time the truck was getting painted and he wanted to stick around and see it getting done in person.
