Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Did these two ever get back together and have children?!
I’m in the exact same situation, for 2.5yrs I was with someone whom I was honest with about wanting to have children with (he’s the only person Iv felt like I truly wanted children with) he has 2 to his previous marriage 7,9 (now 9& 11) and although through the relationship at least for 18m, he seemed on board (actively discussing baby names, where we will get married, what our child would look like, where we would all live in one big family (with his children too... my step children) I was a real active step mum, took them to school, went to their nativity plays, award assemblies... baked with them, did their home work with them, taught them to swim... healed them when they were sick, cuddled them when they were poorly... we split everything 50/50 financially, and or I would buy for them if he was struggling...
After 18m out of the blue he announced, I’m not sure I want kids. My heart just stopped. We separated only for a few days / maybe a week... when he text me and told me to come home and be the family we were.
I went back, 5m later, he had the same doubts, but again returned and said he wanted us to just take our time, then in May this year he dropped the bomb shell again and we broke up, I believed this time it was final, he was 100% sure he did not want anymore children, he just couldn’t see it working with his existing children... (wouldn’t have time for all 3, didn’t want to split his time etc)
To say I was devoststed would be an understatement, my friends and dad some days had to pick me off the floor because I was paralysed with greif, the kids of my future and this family I already had.
But after one month he came back, he came back and vowed that he had thought about it and wanted us to have the future we always dreamt about... he wanted a baby to add to our family. ‘It would be amazing having our baby’
I convinced my family he really had made up his mind, and he wasn’t going to change it... he convinced me he was sure... like really wanted it too.
But after 3m he uttered the words ‘I need time to think’
We split up again...
It’s been nearly 3months, we’ve cut contact, broken no contact, cried down the phone to one another, Iv been angry, hurt, tried to be brave... but still I’m so hurt.
I don’t hate him,
I think he genuinely tried to want our baby, but when it comes to it. He just doesn’t want anymore children, not ever.
It was hard to hear and I took it personally to begin with but I kind of accept it’s just not in his heart.
And I want my child or any child for that matter wants two parents who really want it, really really want a child together!
It’s not how I imagined my future, I mean ****... not sure whether I’ll even end up with children but we would never survived me wanted our baby and him not.
He wants to meet up, as he misses me. But meeting up will ultimately end in a goodbye’ and I can’t do that. Or go through that. He says not to see it as that and just for us to enjoy the old times. But it’s not the old times. The old times we had a future go look forward to, now we have nothing.
I just accept that the two of us are on 2 separate paths. And despite believing we were soul mates, and meant to be together for ever. The universise had different plans. As sad as that is.
Did these two ever get back together and have children?!
I’m in the exact same situation, for 2.5yrs I was with someone whom I was honest with about wanting to have children with (he’s the only person Iv felt like I truly wanted children with) he has 2 to his previous marriage 7,9 (now 9& 11) and although through the relationship at least for 18m, he seemed on board (actively discussing baby names, where we will get married, what our child would look like, where we would all live in one big family (with his children too... my step children) I was a real active step mum, took them to school, went to their nativity plays, award assemblies... baked with them, did their home work with them, taught them to swim... healed them when they were sick, cuddled them when they were poorly... we split everything 50/50 financially, and or I would buy for them if he was struggling...
After 18m out of the blue he announced, I’m not sure I want kids. My heart just stopped. We separated only for a few days / maybe a week... when he text me and told me to come home and be the family we were.
I went back, 5m later, he had the same doubts, but again returned and said he wanted us to just take our time, then in May this year he dropped the bomb shell again and we broke up, I believed this time it was final, he was 100% sure he did not want anymore children, he just couldn’t see it working with his existing children... (wouldn’t have time for all 3, didn’t want to split his time etc)
To say I was devoststed would be an understatement, my friends and dad some days had to pick me off the floor because I was paralysed with greif, the kids of my future and this family I already had.
But after one month he came back, he came back and vowed that he had thought about it and wanted us to have the future we always dreamt about... he wanted a baby to add to our family. ‘It would be amazing having our baby’
I convinced my family he really had made up his mind, and he wasn’t going to change it... he convinced me he was sure... like really wanted it too.
But after 3m he uttered the words ‘I need time to think’
We split up again...
It’s been nearly 3months, we’ve cut contact, broken no contact, cried down the phone to one another, Iv been angry, hurt, tried to be brave... but still I’m so hurt.
I don’t hate him,
I think he genuinely tried to want our baby, but when it comes to it. He just doesn’t want anymore children, not ever.
It was hard to hear and I took it personally to begin with but I kind of accept it’s just not in his heart.
And I want my child or any child for that matter wants two parents who really want it, really really want a child together!
It’s not how I imagined my future, I mean ****... not sure whether I’ll even end up with children but we would never survived me wanted our baby and him not.
He wants to meet up, as he misses me. But meeting up will ultimately end in a goodbye’ and I can’t do that. Or go through that. He says not to see it as that and just for us to enjoy the old times. But it’s not the old times. The old times we had a future go look forward to, now we have nothing.
I just accept that the two of us are on 2 separate paths. And despite believing we were soul mates, and meant to be together for ever. The universise had different plans. As sad as that is.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I think it's quite common for men who already have 2 or more kids and are of a certain age to think they want more kids when it's just in theory, but once push comes to shove they back out. I was in a similar situation, dated a divorced man with two kids who was in his late 40's, kids were young. When we first started dating he told me he was open to having more kids, but the way he spoke sounded like he wasn't. I would ask him again a few times during the course of our relationship and with the exception of once, he always said he would have more kids with me. Then when the pandemic hit, he just ghosted me. I really believe the driving force in him leaving was that he did not want more children and he knew that was a deal breaker for me, so rather than man up and tell me he just bolted without a word.
I know you're hurting right now, but you will only make it worse if you see him. This guys isn't going to change his mind, you guys want different things and by going back to him you are only prolonging this roller coaster ride you're on. You need to go no contact with him, it's like a band-aid...it hurts like hell at first but gets easier much quicker than it would if you keep in contact with him. Find someone who wants the same things you do, preferably someone without kids. Like I said men who already have 2 or more children very rarely want more, and it's not just a money issue (my ex was very well off and didn't have to worry about money), raising children is a lot of work and someone who has done it twice rarely wants to start over and do it a third time with someone new.
Kids are expensive. To properly raise and educate a kid costs $500K - $1M depending on where one lives and schools they get into.
Also, a 40 year old will be 58 when a kid born immediately graduates from HS and 62 min when they get their bachelors. If it takes a while for the partner to get pregnant add years to those ages.
Yeah, I dated a woman that was 40 (had no kids) and WANTED kids in her life. The very reason she ended her last relationship was with a guy that felt the same way about kids, was too old for them and in his mid 40s (she was in her 30s when she dated him for 5 years).
It can happen. Right now I like babies even though I now know it takes a lot of effort to care for one. I have always wanted to be a dad. I am not so sure if that will or won’t change after I’m a dad to my first child.
I know the nature of relationship between dad and their child has to be strong and the ripple effect in life stemming from an uninvolved father. If I do have a child I’ll make sure I’m a good father figure and will try my best to always be there for them.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
