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I am so glad you are getting out. It reminds me somewhat of my marriage. Just recently one of my sister's asked me what happened as she thought we were good together.
I told her that in private he was mentally abusive to me. But, when with others, he never showed that side. A person can only take so much before their self confidence is threatened.
I hope you do what is best for YOU. I'm not certain I would tell him ahead of time, but that's your call. I finally had to leave in secret because he kept talking me into staying. I've been so much happier without him in my life & that was 20 or so years ago.
The more you post about him, the clearer it is that you can't stay and continue to put up with this treatment. You have done so much for his family, and he behaves as if you are a burdensome dependent.
Starting over at 50 is not easy, and remarriage to a suitable partner is certainly not guaranteed at this point. But this sounds intolerable.
Personally, your husband is going through a lot right now. He is feeling the guilty pressure one puts in the self when th have to take care of someone. He sounds like he had enough and it just so happened to coincide with the weekend you were to meet your son. You shouldn't get mad at him for laughing on the phone with a buddy and playing golf for one day. His mind needs a break from all of the high drama. Maybe going with you was just more notional deprama than he wants to deal with during these trying times. While I understand you were upset, you have to look at his side and you should have just met your son without him. It was YOUR big moment. Your husband had nothing to do with anything before he married you. The fact that you were puking on ththe drive to meet your son sounds quite a IT over dramatic.
Sorry, while I feel for you, I have no real sympathy. He simply needed a break for one lousy day or even a weekend.
He seems a bit unpredictable. Do you think he will flip out, especially with all the Dad stuff going on? Or will he just be like, "Ok bye" and go one with his life? Do you have a gut feeling?
I honestly am not sure. I believe he will say something to the tune of, "Well, what are you waiting for? Bye Felicia!"
But then again, my daughter thinks he is slowly realizing what he's done because he keeps calling her asking what is wrong with me and why I won't talk to him. She is on my side, surprisingly. She told him that he crushed me by not being there for me on the most important day of my life. That him not going is a very big deal. But he keeps blaming me, saying I'm a big girl and can take care of myself.
It's not as if I am ignoring him; we have our grandkids this week, although I am working during the day. So we do have to speak when it comes to them. But otherwise, I'm just dead inside. I have a blank look and I don't make eye contact. When he presses the issue and asks for a kiss I just look at him. I can't even speak. It's the weirdest feeling.
Get this: a friend of mine left a Christmas gift for me yesterday. He left it for me on my bathroom counter. It was a jar of homemade honey mustard and a stone bracelet. I told her thank you for both things, and she asked if I got the Yeti coozie. I told her I didn't see one; was it in another bag? She said no.
He had taken it, and put the tissue back so I wouldn't know. I found it in his bedroom. I just left it there.
Do you see what I mean? It's underhanded things like this. Like one year I was sick and couldn't go to Christmas at his family's. So I didn't get my Christmas money. He said they must have forgotten; my daughter told me he had opened my card and pocketed it.
This morning, my other daughter, who runs his business, said Dad was getting ready to order my Christmas present, did I still want the Echo and the InstaPot? Really? Now, 2 days before Christmas?
You see, he wasn't going to give me anything, until he realized he needs to use it as a manipulation tool. I told her I didn't want either one.
Last edited by convextech; 12-21-2016 at 06:25 AM..
I know EXACTLY what you mean by feeling dead inside. That feeling crept over me before I left my first husband. His touch made my skin crawl. Not to sound overly dramatic, but in retrospect, I think that was my love for him dying. I never felt the same after that. That was when I knew I had to leave.
Stealing someone's Christmas present is pretty effing low. Especially when he knows you are unhappy with him. You would think he would be going out of his way to make things up to you. I guess it's nice that he's making your decision so easy for you!
Sorry, while I feel for you, I have no real sympathy. He simply needed a break for one lousy day or even a weekend.
He comes home and plays golf every weekend.
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. Sounds like this has been an ongoing problem and you've reached the breaking point. Good luck to you.
