My gf hit me for the first time (lesbian relationship) (guy, love)
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Apologize and accept her apology. Stupid things happen. This doesn’t excuse either of you for violent behavior, but you both now see what happens when things go too far. You’re a pair of knuckleheads.
Get some help with your trust issues. See if she’s willing to get some couples therapy with you.
Learn to deal with conflict in more productive way. Both of you, equally.
To the OP: All of the people on here who are encouraging you to stay with your gf would definitely not be saying this if you were a woman who had been abused by a man - if that were the case, they would be telling you to leave.
However, since you're a woman who's in a relationship with another woman, it's OK to stay in the relationship - despite the abuse?! Give me a break.
My take on it is different: I see this woman as an abuser - the fact that she's female shouldn't enter into the picture. You should NOT stay with an abuser. END OF STORY.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,699 posts, read 41,730,129 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by The Big Lebowski Dude
To the OP: Get out of this relationship ASAP. This is definitely a domestic violence issue, and AFAIC it will just get worse. It's good you don't have any children who will be affected by the break-up. I do definitely see this escalating if you stay together.
I’m with you. Too all the people suggesting just conseuling like they are goi to stay together, there is no way that’d be the answer if OPs SO was a man. People would be screaming to get the hell away, why should that change because the abuse is woman to woman?
To the OP: All of the people on here who are encouraging you to stay with your gf would definitely not be saying this if you were a woman who had been abused by a man - if that were the case, they would be telling you to leave.
However, since you're a woman who's in a relationship with another woman, it's OK to stay in the relationship - despite the abuse?! Give me a break.
My take on it is different: I see this woman as an abuser - the fact that she's female shouldn't enter into the picture. You should NOT stay with an abuser. END OF STORY.
Yup, it never fails to amaze me how some people's opinion quickly changes depending on the gender.
To the OP, you mentioned it was 1 fight in 5 years. I can not understand not necessarily wanting to leave over that, but at the very least, tread very carefully going forward.
Please do not bring a child into this situation. Neither you or your partner are ready to be parents. It would be extremely selfish to do so, and NO child deserves to be put in a situation with immature parents that cannot control their jealousy or their tempers.
If you really want to fix and remain in this relationship, then you need to stop looking at what changes your mate needs to make an look inward at yourself. You express shock at your mates reaction but almost no remorse for your own explosive violence. You are still angry with her but not saddened by your own. No, you did not strike the first blow on your mate, but your violent outburst was the equivalent.
Ask yourself what your reaction would have been to a stranger grabbing your phone, throwing it and destroying it? If you are normal, you probably wouldn't hesitate in a counter reaction. Now what you did was to your mate...someone you claim to love and who has trusted you and invested five years... You lashed out in anger, destroyed her property and severed that love and trust that had been built. Was the physical fight justified? No, in no way am I trying to say that. What I AM saying is that if you want things to get better... you need to take responsibility, own your own crap and do the right thing. Stop looking for fault and blame elsewhere. She has her own burdens to bear but you CANNOT force her to make those changes. She has to make that choice. One fight in five years does not make her an abuser. I imagine that the pain of your "feistiness" has been building for those five years and your tantrum was too much.
I still want to move forward with adoption. I just need her to learn temper control. I'm not ready to throw away 5 years over 1 fight tbh.
Please don't bring a child into the relationship. You were wrong to break the phone. She was wrong to hit you. Can you imagine how scary it would be for a child to have witnessed that fight? Often people who abuse their partners abuse children. That may not be the case with her but there is no way I would even want to risk it.
What makes you think she's going to learn how to control her temper? If she hasn't learned to control it by now, there is a very good chance that she isn't going to learn to control it ever. If you want to stay in the relationship you both need to go to counseling. If she isn't willing to go and take the advice of the therapist, you need to get out of the relationship. Unless it is a matter of self defense, there is never an excuse for physical violence in a relationship regardless of the provocation.
My gf and I are a lesbian couple who have been in a loving relationship for 5 years, we now own a house together and are even considering adoption soon. We have never had any incidences of violence in the past. My gf doesn't even like to raise her voice. I'm definitely the more feisty one. I've always had trust issues due to being cheated on in the past so on this particular night I saw a text pop up from a random girl's name, I asked her who it was, and she told me it was her friend. I didn't believe her so I snatched the phone but it was locked. I told her to give me her password and she wouldn't. I stupidly in the heat of the moment threw the phone across the floor and shattered the screen. Then I got the shock of my life because she slapped the **** out of me. Mind you she's a lot bigger, taller, and stronger than me. But at that moment, I was pissed so I hit her back and we started fighting like for real. She ended up whooping my ass bad. I was screaming and the guy who rents our basement out heard us and pulled her off of me. She left that night to stay with her mom, but she's back in the house now. She apologized but I still told her to sleep in the guest room because I'm not over it. I can't believe she would ever put her hands on me like that. I want to get past this because I love her, and we have built a life together but idk if things will go back to normal. Any advice you all may have would be appreciated.
Ya...... you aren't getting over that one. Move on and work on your issues.
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