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In the past it was common to see articles in the media about commitment-phobic men. This was also the theme in romantic movies and shows. But I haven't seen or heard any mention of men trying to avoid commitment in recent years. It seems like men are more eager to get into serious relationships now. Has anyone else noticed that?
That's an interesting observation! I know that media is always about attracting viewers...so maybe there is just not a current 'market' for articles about commitment-phobic men.
I get why this might happen. Those articles always seemed to hold as their audience not men who need to learn how to commit, but mainly women, as in "What can I do to get my man to commit!" Were there ever any in men's magazines: "Why you are afraid to commit to one woman." Hahaha, probably never, but maybe! I'd actually read that one...
Perhaps now there is just more recognition among women that it is not their "fault" for not being good enough if a man won't commit, that there is no magical thing they can 'do' to get a man to commit, they can only take personal responsibility for their own schemes and investigate why they are so fixated on a commitment from a man who isn't interested in giving one. And...that wouldn't be a very sexy article.
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Originally Posted by Eugene80
In the past it was common to see articles in the media about commitment-phobic men. This was also the theme in romantic movies and shows. But I haven't seen or heard any mention of men trying to avoid commitment in recent years. It seems like men are more eager to get into serious relationships now. Has anyone else noticed that?
I think it is just women less eager to get into relationships because they don't really need to.
I always thought the “men can’t/won’t commit” was a bit overdone anyway but that is just an opinion based on personal experience.
I’m not saying that it was not a common complaint among women ... I’ve known plenty of women who have yammered on & on about it. And I’m not saying it didn’t receive media attention because it did.
What I am saying is that the “Media as Gatekeeper” has had a decades long history of continued & increased disparaging of straight men, which makes it impossible to consider them a reliable source regarding social constructs.
For whatever reason, 2 out of my 3 LTRs & almost every casual dater has been in a big flipping hurry. If I were to start dating again; it would be a huge red flag against them.
I don’t like that ... clingy, needy ... ugh. Something I heard a lot was that I “acted like the man in the relationship” & it wasn’t because I’m not feminine, so maybe it is (was?) a “thing”.
Maybe the reason it doesn’t get press time is due to the trend to not polarize traits with genders, or possibly that the media’s “baby-steps” in framing the straight man has reached the point to where complaining about a man not committing is an implication that having a man is something desirable. As hell bent as the media seems to be to fly in the face of common sense; this really wouldn’t surprise me.
Those articles are out there.... I don't want to link to forbidden forums or mention forbidden names.. I could tell you to google "AWALT" and you might find a few articles. There is a growing segment of men, generally the less attractive, perhaps less playful and more boring men, that have given up on chasing after women, as religion has been on the decline and the sexual revolution, social media, and feminism has given women more options to exercise their genetic imperative which is that of hypergamy, to seek to "trade up" to funnier, more higher status men, which often results in lower "status" men being taken to the cleaners in divorce proceedings, and can result in some women being spoiled and entitled because of all the attention men give them, thus leading some men to ask if all the hoops they have to jump through are worth it... also known as a cost benefit analysis. Some, not all, women, for example, won't clean the house or do their pull of the work to save their lives.. if they aren't going to pitch in and are super lazy what's the point in having them around? This can be said for both sexes. Women tend to market themselves based on "fun" when most provider men care more about loyalty and reliability, meaning is she going to stick around and contribute to a good household and healthy offspring rather than focusing on partying...
Of course if other men didn't give women undeserved attention they wouldn't get spoiled, just like if women didn't shower the top status men with attention those men wouldn't become asses.. it's a law of nature of sorts to act like this so nobody is really at "fault" .. in fact we are all just software programmed by our environment, stimulus response animals. A proper upbringing with good socialization and plenty of laughter can make a person.. someone raised with really quiet or violent parents or not much social interaction can break a person. Many people also like what they can't have, and like a "challenge" which in part contributes to this.
I have no idea what percentage of men think this way.. the internet has a way of exaggerating fringe groups of people and making them seem bigger than they really are... still I like to encourage young men to act like men and not be doormats and blow lots of money on women who haven't proven themselves as loyal, because I see so many of them go head first into what is going to be a disaster.. but I suspect it's probably been this way since the time or Rome and earlier.. in fact if you study old quotes and history you'll see not much has changed...modern religion was created to try to change our nature and encourage more monogamy among other things.. it tends to go in cycles just like everything, as kids always tend to rebel against whatever their parents did and cultures go through their ebbs and flows just like the stock market or the economy.
To be honest, men who are eager to get into relationships fly under the radar, although there are a segment of men who opt to remain single because of the cost-benefit analysis they do. It takes a mature man to be in a relationship, and some men just don't want the headaches that come with a committed relationship.
I would have to agree. Just looking around me, my guy friends who got divorced, got married with the quickness! Maybe it's an age thing that as you get older for men, they want to be settled down, I don't know, but a lot of guys I know never stay single for long.
I think this is the mentality with the young men in central jersey these days. I started noticing a lot of teenager looking kids wearing wedding bands. I am talking about store associates around general retail sector. First time I saw a teenage looking kid at Advanced auto parts wearing a band I thought to myself, wow this kid locked it in early. But since then I ve seen a number of guys that age and it really made me raise an eyebrow. Can these kids really be getting married so early? Or they just glorifying it? Who knows...
Those articles are out there.... I don't want to link to forbidden forums or mention forbidden names.. I could tell you to google "AWALT" and you might find a few articles. There is a growing segment of men, generally the less attractive, perhaps less playful and more boring men, that have given up on chasing after women, as religion has been on the decline and the sexual revolution, social media, and feminism has given women more options to exercise their genetic imperative which is that of hypergamy, to seek to "trade up" to funnier, more higher status men, which often results in lower "status" men being taken to the cleaners in divorce proceedings, and can result in some women being spoiled and entitled because of all the attention men give them, thus leading some men to ask if all the hoops they have to jump through are worth it... also known as a cost benefit analysis. Some, not all, women, for example, won't clean the house or do their pull of the work to save their lives.. if they aren't going to pitch in and are super lazy what's the point in having them around? This can be said for both sexes. Women tend to market themselves based on "fun" when most provider men care more about loyalty and reliability, meaning is she going to stick around and contribute to a good household and healthy offspring rather than focusing on partying...
Of course if other men didn't give women undeserved attention they wouldn't get spoiled, just like if women didn't shower the top status men with attention those men wouldn't become asses.. it's a law of nature of sorts to act like this so nobody is really at "fault" .. in fact we are all just software programmed by our environment, stimulus response animals. A proper upbringing with good socialization and plenty of laughter can make a person.. someone raised with really quiet or violent parents or not much social interaction can break a person. Many people also like what they can't have, and like a "challenge" which in part contributes to this.
I have no idea what percentage of men think this way.. the internet has a way of exaggerating fringe groups of people and making them seem bigger than they really are....
I tend to agree with some of this. Personally, I dont put much weight on the internet and fringe groups and such but I tend to observe these things directly in everyday life. I especially like your first statement I highlighted. Based on what I have seen in the OLD domain as well as my workplace, there is this particular type of single women that perfectly fits this model. They just want to have fun and d#ck around with several guys who pay for all their entertainment. One such girl literally told me casually she had three boyfriends at the time. I thought to myself "wow, you are real catch, good luck in life". But I was not surprised to hear it coming from her.
And they are not that way because they are single, but more so they are single because they are that way.
In the past it was common to see articles in the media about commitment-phobic men. This was also the theme in romantic movies and shows. But I haven't seen or heard any mention of men trying to avoid commitment in recent years. It seems like men are more eager to get into serious relationships now. Has anyone else noticed that?
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