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Yes, that is part of your problem, and you have an erroneous assumption. Somebody wants your opinion but that does not give you license to tell them every negative thing that pops into your head. You are treating a request for information as a waiver for politeness and sensitivity. You probably open the flood gates and let somebody have the whole negative thing.
In a relationship there is no excuse or reason to ever abandon tact or sensitivity. It's like the "honey do I look fat" questions. The only way to ever answer that one truthfully is if the pants don't make her butt look fat. Otherwise you have to be inventive in finding a diplomatic answer. No considerate woman would ever put her man on the spot like that, she'd be just as insensitive to ask the question since she must already know the size of her derriere.
This is a completely unrelated topic though. I never said that I did any of those things that you mentioned above, because I don't. I simply said that if someone asks for my opinion, I operate under the assumption that they want my opinion. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I always get the most well-received responses from the people who were disingenuously fishing for a compliment, but for those who know me, they know that if they ask my opinion they will get an honest and well-thought response.
I would rather be known as an honest man than a cordial man. Because honesty is what forms character and without it, you'd have nothing but adult-children running around patting themselves on the back. You can't have progress without honesty, in any facet of life.
This is a completely unrelated topic though. I never said that I did any of those things that you mentioned above, because I don't. I simply said that if someone asks for my opinion, I operate under the assumption that they want my opinion. Now, I'm not going to pretend that I always get the most well-received responses from the people who were disingenuously fishing for a compliment, but for those who know me, they know that if they ask my opinion they will get an honest and well-thought response.
I would rather be known as an honest man than a cordial man. Because honesty is what forms character and without it, you'd have nothing but adult-children running around patting themselves on the back. You can't have progress without honesty, in any facet of life.
There’s a line between being honest and being an ahole..
Most people with social tact realize you can’t be 100 percent honest all the time
If a little girl asked you if she’s ugly and you thought she really was would you be honest with her?
Most people with social tact realize you can’t be 100 percent honest all the time
I completely disagree with this.
Quote:
If a little girl asked you if she’s ugly and you thought she really was would you be honest with her?
Of course I would be honest with her. What good does it do to lie to her? It's a true disservice. I would tell her "it doesn't matter what I or anyone thinks, it only matters what you think." I would tell her that the most beautiful people I know are beautiful not because of what their body looks like but what their heart looks like.
Of course I would be honest with her. What good does it do to lie to her? It's a true disservice. I would tell her "it doesn't matter what I or anyone thinks, it only matters what you think." I would tell her that the most beautiful people I know are beautiful not because of what their body looks like but what their heart looks like.
Wow. If you behave like you describe, just know that you're always going to have difficulty with interpersonal relationships.
So now honesty is a detriment to relationships? I guess I really am out of the loop.
Well, you're the one who came onto this board asking for advice on navigating romantic relationships, and who also mentioned not having any friends. What's the common denominator there?
Well, you're the one who came onto this board asking for advice on navigating romantic relationships, and who also mentioned not having any friends. What's the common denominator there?
Well, I'm certainly not willing to cast my integrity aside to find someone, as you suggest. So, forgive me for ruling that one out.
RJ, you aren't getting the point! Don't just say anything and everything that pops into your head! You are not telling a lie if something pops into your head that is unflattering to a lady, and just shut up! You are not giving testimony in court! Figure out what to say and present it in a flattering manner, and censor out that negative stuff. It is so easy to do this! The hard part is having the judgement to know what parts you should leave out.
This has nothing to do with integrity or truthfulness. It has to do with being sensitive to peoples' feelings.
Another article telling guys they should be this and be that. My theory is be who YOU are and be it well. Whether it’s a Star Wars nerd or farmer. Women can also spot fake. Besides why would you want a girl to like you for certain items on a list as opposed to liking you for who you are?
I think after 41 pages of discussion, after 410 posts, most of us can agree that the only thing scientific about the article referenced in the OP is the misuse of the word scientific. It's just drivel probably written by some magazine hack hoping to get paid 5 cents a word and get it published. It's just baloney, dreck.
The simple fact is that what you need to do is different for every man, and the list of what works is different for every woman. It's ridiculous to think that if you do what's on that list you will succeed with women? What any man should do is just be a good person, be genuine in your relationships.
Why are we even still discussing this ridiculous list? If anybody needs a list they are beyond all hope.
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