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well its 3 weeks and 1 day, it will have been a month by the time he returns on friday
he has no idea about me wanting a baby, absolutely no clue. i haven't told him anything about it, and i'm not planning to until the summer of 2020 as this will give me time to sort myself out etc
He updates his instagram pretty much everyday. He doesn't even know that I know he has instagram, he only got it during his trip to vietnam and he never actually told me he had it. It was my sister who found his instagram through his facebook (i dont have facebook or instagram) and she told me to go check his instagram out. My boyfriend doesn't even know that i can see his instagram. he's sent me like one or two of the photos he has on instagram through whatsapp, but i still feel like his communication is very sparse and in comparison to the amount of photos he posts on instagram, i have no idea what his trip is really like through what he directly communicates with me.
Of course I'm going to be be very happy to see him and I'm going to do everything I can to meet him at the airport and help him carry his bags home and everything and make him feel welcome. But I'm not sure if I'm going to feel a tiny bit of resentment towards the fact that he really hasn't bothered to communicate with for me a whole month, i feel like he thins he's off the hook for his whole trip and has only made an effort to contact me two times (one of those times was only to really tell me that his phone was broken, he didn't really update me about anything or ask how i'm doing at home). it feels out of order to be honest, i'm never going to forget that this is how he treated me (willingly as i KNOW he has regular internet acess)
Excuses excuses excuses. OK, stop. You need to get some perspective.
It's overwhelming because you are not emotionally prepared to stand on your own as an independent person. It's why you need therapy.
You need to pump your brakes because I know there are people on this forum who have lived through yearlong military deployments and would laugh at your one month of self-imposed misery.
If you were emotionally healthy, you could actually enjoy this time, missing him, sure, but also taking the opportunity to explore things YOU are into. Instead you've been stewing in your own insecurity.
Congrats on getting the job. Did you have a chance to look up a therapist?
I was just thinking that I hope some "war spouse" comes into this thread and really slaps some sense into the OP. She comes across as a very selfish, self-centered, one-dimensional female.
This is not the question. The question is, has he been thinking anything good about you? If you badger him, and are clingy, that's a sure way to turn a guy off, and to curse that "clingy chick" under his breath. Is that how you want him to think of you?
OP, do you have a sense of abandonment by your mom, or your parents? Were you left alone a lot as a child, or denied affection?
Dear OP, I can understand you must feel insecure and sad because your boyfriend doesn't want to spend more time and effort on contacting you during the whole trip. However, the fact is, the more I read from this thread, the more I am worried. I'm afraid that something is wrong between you guys. Maybe you don't feel it when you're physically together with him, but now it shows when you're apart--- and I seriously think you should think about if he's truly happy when he's with you. I feel like he's not making effort on contacting you just because...He finally got some fresh air and the taste of freedom, and he doesn't really care about you.
To those people who said that couples can travel separately, I totally agree. But this kind of communication between a couple when one of them is traveling is not so good to me. I would say this guy is stressed when he's with OP and now he prefers to have his own peace in Vietnam...And he can just enjoy the life without her and probably would prefer to stay that way even when he's back. Perhaps he wouldn't show it but he would miss that freedom.
OP, I recommend you to find a job ASAP and make your best efforts on it. Don't expect too much from this relationship. Try to be less clingy (guess you hate this word because everyone here is telling you that). Try to be... Really independent, for your own sake.
He's contacted me first like TWO TIMES since he first arrived in Vietnam 3 weeks ago. It's not enough. He hasn't once checked in on me to see HOW I AM.
I'm working full-time at a new temporary job. How can he be so sure that I'm ok, that I don't have any troubles or difficulties. That I'm not missing him or wondering where he is or how he is doing. That I'm not missing him.
I had no idea that things would be like this. I honestly can't help but feel like his trip actually meant to take a break from me. I didn't expect it to be like this. I thought we would communicate EVERY DAY like usual.
OP, this bit really jumps out at me. For many couples, the reasons for talking daily might be things like, because we laugh together, because we support one another, because we're best friends, because we want to know each other deeply, because we're in love, etc. Your stated reason for wanting him to call is so he can make sure you're dealing with normal adult life all right. That's not romance or partnership, that's dependence. It may explain why he's taking a break, if he in fact is...Being a caregiver can be exhausting. But even if his lack of contact is totally benign, you really need think about improving your both emotional and practical independence and generosity. Your level of take-take-take isn't healthy for either of you.
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