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Op, this is my last reply to this thread, way to dysfunctional. But you need to stop focusing on this guy. Just stop. You need to focus on getting you life together, without this guy or any other guy. Until you can be healthy and on your own, working etc, you have nothing to offer anyone. Quite frankly, I don't know how this guy has put up with you this long. And yes, I think you do like all this drama and upset, otherwise why are you there. You are both way too young to even be together this long, you both need to just go and leave, and you especially need to get your life together. You have nothing to offer him or anyone else. If I were to guess I would guess he has stayed this long with you out of obligation/a sense of guilt because you can't take care of yourself.
This. I don't know why you want to continue this sad charade of a relationship, that hasn't been working for years. Now you're cooking up some "cheating" drama? Why not just ask him if he wants to break up, and get out of his way, so he can find someone he's more compatible with?
OP, it's basically been over for a long time. Face reality, and call it quits. It's really not worth the drama; there's nothing here to salvage or to fight for.
he can't even stand it when i make small white lies ... a few times this happened and he was very unforgiving
also, i probably won't be asking him more than once... if i ask him more than once about this girl after he's already given me an answer, then he'll probably think that i don't trust him.. i can't keep on bringing it up, its going to look really bad on my part and like i don't trust him and to be honest the big things is........i still don't know if i do or not!!!
if he gets angry when i ask questions then he'll make it incredibly obvious that something went on, wont he???
You are very naive when it comes to what a guy is capable of doing and/or saying, even to a woman he is *supposed* to be in a relationship with.
Just because he gets mad at you for lying doesn't mean he holds himself to the same standard. In fact, based on everything you've told us about this guy in all of your many (many) posts here about him, he is clearly the type who says you must behave a certain way while he can do whatever he wants and it's fine by him.
For a time I helped raise two young female family members as they went into their teens. I worked HARD to teach them values, self respect, dignity. HARD. Even simple things. They got to the point that when we went out together they would stop and wait at the door of wherever we were going, as they knew I was going to open it for them (they were truly well-behaved and intelligent young ladies).
I only bring this up because the whole point of me trying to drive them in that direction was so that they could avoid being like the OP. Simple-minded, naive to a fault, totally dependent on the attention of a man whose attention is focused elsewhere. I know I've been snarky and abrasive in some of my replies to the OP but in truth I feel sorry for her. She's annoying as all hell too, but I truly do feel sorry for her.
Folks are going to do what they're going to do, they're going to choose whatever path in life no matter how much we try to guide them. But I think if more parents and older people in general took time to teach these kids about self-sufficiency--both physically and mentally--we'd have less simple-minded 'girls' like the OP thinking they're the star of a Disney show.
I only bring this up because the whole point of me trying to drive them in that direction was so that they could avoid being like the OP. Simple-minded, naive to a fault, totally dependent on the attention of a man whose attention is focused elsewhere. I know I've been snarky and abrasive in some of my replies to the OP but in truth I feel sorry for her. She's annoying as all hell too, but I truly do feel sorry for her.
Folks are going to do what they're going to do, they're going to choose whatever path in life no matter how much we try to guide them. But I think if more parents and older people in general took time to teach these kids about self-sufficiency--both physically and mentally--we'd have less simple-minded 'girls' like the OP thinking they're the star of a Disney show.
I don’t think stuff like this is at all helpful, and is certainly unkind.
The whole point of posting that seems to be just to kick someone who’s already down. Today is gonna be taxing enough for her, and I don’t see how being called “simple minded” advances the cause of growth at all.
Not everyone has the luxury of having someone in their corner to guide them. Hopefully the OP can sort the true helpful advice from the cruelty here and find a way to take a stand for her self.
Its definitely not a wifi or signal issue as i see that he is online all of the time and updating his facebook and instagram regularly.
Are you sure he's actually in Vietnam and not Mexico or Southern California?
IP addresses tell the story.
Quote:
Originally Posted by palmtrees099
Oh god what is the world coming to
I can't believe how confused I am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Frostnip
I think on some level, you're enjoying it. Feeding off the drama. I'm unsubscribing this thread - this whole thing is super unhealthy on so many levels.
Yes, it is.
Maybe after 5-7 years of intense therapy the OP might actually be able to enjoy a healthy relationship.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
Interesting point. I wonder why a Bulgarian would pick Vietnam, of all places....
Why wouldn't they pick Vietnam?
I was a military attache at US Embassy Mission Bucharesti in the 1980s. Everywhere I went there were lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans.
Like Romania, Bulgaria has also had a long-standing international trade relationship with both Vietnam and North Korea, as well as a political relationship.
I've been to Bulgaria a number of times in the last 20 years, and if I'm not taking the ferry across the river to Vidin, I'm sailing my boat to Varna, and there are lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans there. I've not been to Sofia, but I suspect there are lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans attending university there, and have been for decades.
Lots of Americans go to Thailand. Is that so unusual? Americans go to Thailand, people in the East Bloc go to Vietnam. If the US had a long-standing positive relationship with Vietnam, then more Americans would probably go there, too.
Are you sure he's actually in Vietnam and not Mexico or Southern California?
IP addresses tell the story.
Yes, it is.
Maybe after 5-7 years of intense therapy the OP might actually be able to enjoy a healthy relationship.
Why wouldn't they pick Vietnam?
I was a military attache at US Embassy Mission Bucharesti in the 1980s. Everywhere I went there were lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans.
Like Romania, Bulgaria has also had a long-standing international trade relationship with both Vietnam and North Korea, as well as a political relationship.
I've been to Bulgaria a number of times in the last 20 years, and if I'm not taking the ferry across the river to Vidin, I'm sailing my boat to Varna, and there are lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans there. I've not been to Sofia, but I suspect there are lots of Vietnamese and North Koreans attending university there, and have been for decades.
Lots of Americans go to Thailand. Is that so unusual? Americans go to Thailand, people in the East Bloc go to Vietnam. If the US had a long-standing positive relationship with Vietnam, then more Americans would probably go there, too.
Why wouldn't he? It's very simple. Easter Bloc people (is that too old-fashioned a term?), who score an opportunity to live in the West generally don't seek to vacation back behind some curtain. ....so to speak. They tend to want to enjoy the West.
In this case, I think the interest in Vietnam boils down to the fact that he's only 22, and can't afford to vacation in the West, unless he stays in youth hostels, which isn't a bad way to go at all. But I guess he wanted something more exotic. And maybe Vietnam is of more historical interest. Oh well. He's arriving "home" today, so I'm sure there will be more drama on the thread for the OP to wring her hands over.
He's a young person and Bulgaria is part of the EU. It's a different time. Vietnam is popular with European and Australian backpacker types who want to see Asia because it's one of the few destinations that is both safe and cheap.
Also, the people in the thread who've made prostitution references are off the mark - every country has prostitution, but if that's what someone was vacationing for, Vietnam wouldn't be a good choice, as it's very illegal and very frowned upon there. It's a conservative country compared to many other parts of SE Asia. (That doesn't mean the BF wasn't sleeping around, though, obviously.)
Anyone who lets their boyfriend backpack to Vietnam might be a bit too gullible to understand what he’s really doing.
It’s time to kick him to the curve. Young men don’t go to SE Asia countries for the backpacking.
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