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The vast majority of people are married by the time they reach 30. I can't find the stats but it's like 90%. That's really strange that you know no one.
This varies tremendously by region, and by socioeconomic group.
This varies tremendously by region, and by socioeconomic group.
The thing people on CD always forget is their family and friends aren't a representative sample of the population. That's why the "Nobody I know is doing XYX...." comments usually don't mean much.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mysticaltyger
The thing people on CD always forget is their family and friends aren't a representative sample of the population. That's why the "Nobody I know is doing XYX...." comments usually don't mean much.
See, I see it the other way. People here often throw out general statistics, and then apply it to individuals they know. Usually trying to come up with reasons not to date an individual of a particular demographic.
When we're dating someone, we aren't dating a demographic, we're dating an individual. So these general statements don't mean a thing.
Who we know, who our peer group and tribe is, matters much much more.
The vast majority of people are married by the time they reach 30. I can't find the stats but it's like 90%. That's really strange that you know no one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by timberline742
It's not even close to 90%.
And its not strange if your peer or family group is well educated.
Since the average age for men (2017) for their first marriage is over 29 yos, and that includes high school educated individuals, if one is surrounded by people with bachelors or higher, the average age is going to be higher.
Do I think a lot of the people who put off getting married until after 30 are never going to have kids or end up having fewer kids than they wished? Yes, women's peak fertility is in their mid 20's.
The problems I see is when you finish grad school at, you have debt from school, so you may have to work. Careerwise taking time off school for pregnancy likely is a bad thing before you established yourself in your career. The debt from grad school is going to make it harder to buy a house and just pay for weddings and child birth. Student loan debt is going to impact your ability to marry.
While men like to tell themselves they can marry women much younger than them to get around this problem, generally most spouses are within 3 years of each other. So most men are also aging themselves out of the childbearing as they push past 30 as well, but they rationalize they will date someone younger. But how many women are actually willing to date older men?
I honestly think, you should have your kids when you are young enough to do it naturally and more safely and go back to school later once you have kids and they are more independent.
When you go to funerals how many people say they wish they had a nicer car or wore better clothes vs how many talk about how important it was to be a good mother or father? People are pushing off having kids to have fun in their 20's, but in the longer time frame of their lives, I suspect that was a bad tradeoff.
I don't think wanting to have kids is a good reason to feel pressured into dating and relationships. At least not for me. I get it, but it's not always the best decision, why? Because it's not really economically conducive. Yeah having children at an earlier age is better biologically, but most people who have them in their 20s aren't financially stable enough to live comfortably. Especially if they are a full time student. My best friend is married and about to have her 3rd child at 26. And their living conditions are not the best. Plus she's not working and her husband only has a part-time job working at a warehouse, and he's struggling to find decent work because of the city we live in and he doesn't have a formal education. They're always having money trouble. Unless you are basically handed a good job by the time you are 25 or you go off into the military, having a family at a young age is not the best decision economically. At least, not in today's time. I'm glad I didn't get into a serious relationship and settled down at my age because I would've been in the same boat.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,936 posts, read 36,974,024 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by shelato
While men like to tell themselves they can marry women much younger than them to get around this problem, generally most spouses are within 3 years of each other. So most men are also aging themselves out of the childbearing as they push past 30 as well, but they rationalize they will date someone younger. But how many women are actually willing to date older men?
Aging themselves out as they past 30? 30 is still really young. "Peak fertility" is meaningless. People aren't trying to maximize output when having children. It's not like breeding roasters or beef cattle. Good grief, this forum.
I don't think wanting to have kids is a good reason to feel pressured into dating and relationships. At least not for me. I get it, but it's not always the best decision, why? Because it's not really economically conducive. Yeah having children at an earlier age is better biologically, but most people who have them in their 20s aren't financially stable enough to live comfortably. Especially if they are a full time student. My best friend is married and about to have her 3rd child at 26. And their living conditions are not the best. Plus she's not working and her husband only has a part-time job working at a warehouse, and he's struggling to find decent work because of the city we live in and he doesn't have a formal education. They're always having money trouble. Unless you are basically handed a good job by the time you are 25 or you go off into the military, having a family at a young age is not the best decision economically. At least, not in today's time. I'm glad I didn't get into a serious relationship and settled down at my age because I would've been in the same boat.
But there is a mid range alternative between holding off on marriage and kids until you finish grad school at 30 and getting knocked up without finishing college at all. I am advocating finishing college before having kids, but postponing grad school.
The thing people on CD always forget is their family and friends aren't a representative sample of the population. That's why the "Nobody I know is doing XYX...." comments usually don't mean much.
I agree. Sometimes I'll throw it out there, what I do or my friends do, but I don't pretend that they are representative of the entire population.
The vast majority of people are married by the time they reach 30. I can't find the stats but it's like 90%. That's really strange that you know no one.
Like was stated earlier, this varies widely by factors including regions and socioeconomic groups. In small, insular, religious communities you'd probably find most people married by age 21. If you go to a big city like New York or Los Angeles, you'd probably find most people aren't married until their 30s or older.
But there is a mid range alternative between holding off on marriage and kids until you finish grad school at 30 and getting knocked up without finishing college at all. I am advocating finishing college before having kids, but postponing grad school.
That's tricky too because a lot of people in undergrad still have loads of loan debt (unless they defer, which honestly isn't a good idea either), and depending on the type of BS/BA obtained, it could be just like having a high school diploma. Bachelor's degrees don't really secure decent jobs like they did in the past because the job market is shifting and it's become increasingly more competitive. Even if they do internships or externships, it's still hard. I know this because I've experienced this first hand as well as other people in my generation.
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