How long should you know someone you are dating before being alone with them? (wives, men)
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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
I think its wise, especially if this is a blind date / from OLD, to meet them in a public place, for the first date, definitely, and possibly a few subsequent meetings.
When is it ok to be alone with a person you are dating, to ensure safety from a violent or predatory person?
Also bonus question: any advice on how to handle a guy who is pressuring for sex. The obvious answer is not date him, but if one finds themself in a situation with a pushy pressury guy, what is the best course of action?
Ita...for at least a couple of dates in public places & that’s after lots of conversations & getting to know the man...& if it started online...take the time to talk to him & have lots of conversations & ask questions before a plan to meet him. You will know he is not just in it for casual sex if he is willing to take his time because it’s super easy to go to different sites if he wants just sex that he doesn’t have to put effort into.....like Tinder used to be kinda known for it & PlentyofFish....
Say no...& if he persists...mace works too. I’d be super suspicious of a guy that wanted to meet in a private place the 1st couple of dates & wouldn’t do it....a guy that respects our concerns for safety isn’t gonna suggest it IMO. A violent or predatory guy isn’t going to take time getting to know you or answering questions or his answers might be kinda off....& you can tell a lot by how a guy talks......about his life & women or his past or anything else....& what he has to lose......
You can also let him know that you have friends & family that have his information.......that’s what I did. My Bf even talked to my sister & my mom before we met....I was not taking any chances....& we met in a public place the 1st time too. I told him I’d be needing to text & check in regularly.........I’ve done that on 1st dates a lot....it’s just safety. He reminded me I better text my mom...so the cops don’t show up....laughs...it kind of became a joke. By the time we were ready to have sex....we joked about texting my mom so cops wouldn’t break down his door....
Ita...for at least a couple of dates in public places & that’s after lots of conversations & getting to know the man...& if it started online...take the time to talk to him & have lots of conversations & ask questions before a plan to meet him. You will know he is not just in it for casual sex if he is willing to take his time because it’s super easy to go to different sites if he wants just sex that he doesn’t have to put effort into.....like Tinder used to be kinda known for it & PlentyofFish....
Say no...& if he persists...mace works too. I’d be super suspicious of a guy that wanted to meet in a private place the 1st couple of dates & wouldn’t do it....a guy that respects our concerns for safety isn’t gonna suggest it IMO. A violent or predatory guy isn’t going to take time getting to know you or answering questions or his answers might be kinda off....& you can tell a lot by how a guy talks......about his life & women or his past or anything else....& what he has to lose......
You can also let him know that you have friends & family that have his information.......that’s what I did. My Bf even talked to my sister & my mom before we met....I was not taking any chances....& we met in a public place the 1st time too. I told him I’d be needing to text & check in regularly.........I’ve done that on 1st dates a lot....it’s just safety. He reminded me I better text my mom...so the cops don’t show up....laughs...it kind of became a joke. By the time we were ready to have sex....we joked about texting my mom so cops wouldn’t break down his door....
This is good advice. I think when guys/girls/dates know there is a support system in place, like your friends, mom, etc., know about them, that keeps the predators away.
Talk about your family on the first date, your best friend etc so the person knows there are people watching out for you
Give the persons name and contact info to a trusted person too, in case you dont make it home.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
This is good advice. I think when guys/girls/dates know there is a support system in place, like your friends, mom, etc., know about them, that keeps the predators away.
Talk about your family on the first date, your best friend etc so the person knows there are people watching out for you
Give the persons name and contact info to a trusted person too, in case you dont make it home.
There is lots more risk IMO when somebody goes on a date with someone they just met in a store or a bar.....you haven’t spent weeks talking....sharing information.....or getting to know the guy so it is lots riskier......& you never had a chance to check out their background so IMO more risk that you don’t come home........but people in the old days used to pick up in bars all the time.....& some still do.....
I think its wise, especially if this is a blind date / from OLD, to meet them in a public place, for the first date, definitely, and possibly a few subsequent meetings.
When is it ok to be alone with a person you are dating, to ensure safety from a violent or predatory person?
Till you feel comfortable with him and your gut isn't sending any alarming signals.
You need to use common sense and pay attention: is he way too nice and tells phony compliments, doesn't pay attention to you, shows impatience, it pushy, too touchy, make promises - too many and too early, wants to be exclusive right away, make hasty plans for the future, seem to be controlling or jealous, or try to conceal anger, try to make you drunk, doesn't sound honest, insist on intimate pictures, its rude to others - you know, things like that. You just feel that something isn't right there. You feel uncomfortable.
No matter how nice or cute your date is, stay in public and don’t agree to go somewhere alone with them. Inform a friend or family member where you're going and who you're meeting with. Try to text your exact location. It’s always a good idea to arrange a code word with a friend. If you text them the code word, get them to call you with an excuse to leave. Don't get too drunk to make sound decisions that you will regret the next day.
Make sure that you trust him to be clean and use protection.
Quote:
Also bonus question: any advice on how to handle a guy who is pressuring for sex. The obvious answer is not date him, but if one finds themself in a situation with a pushy pressury guy, what is the best course of action?
The obvious answer is that you aren't ready, yet. If he still pressures you, then you need to tell him to STOP in a clear, direct way, whether it's a stranger or someone you know. This should be a clear message that wouldn't leave any room for misunderstanding. Make sure that your body language says the same.
Avoid saying stuff like: "I don’t know about this" or "Maybe we shouldn't" - your meaning could be misinterpreted. Don't smile or tease when saying that. Look him in the eyes, without smiling, speak using a clear, calm, firm voice. Move away from him, sit straight or stand up, look that you mean it. Be firm about what you want or don't want.
You might say, "When I say no, I mean it. Don't keep asking me or trying to change my mind. If or when I am willing, I'll let you know."
If that doesn't work - you should leave for good or say that you need to leave now, but want to have an adult conversation after he calms down.
Don't give up, because he puts you on a guilt trip, or says stupid stuff like "you don't care about me", or "are you prude?", " don't you feel the chemistry?" etc.
Him, pressuring you and not taking NO for answer just shows that he doesn’t care about YOUR pleasure, comfort levels, and boundaries.
Everyone has a right to be respected, and pressuring someone for sex is a huge sign of disrespect.
Till you feel comfortable with him and your gut isn't sending any alarming signals.
You need to use common sense and pay attention: is he way too nice and tells phony compliments, doesn't pay attention to you, shows impatience, it pushy, too touchy, make promises - too many and too early, wants to be exclusive right away, make hasty plans for the future, seem to be controlling or jealous, or try to conceal anger, try to make you drunk, doesn't sound honest, insist on intimate pictures, its rude to others - you know, things like that. You just feel that something isn't right there. You feel uncomfortable.
No matter how nice or cute your date is, stay in public and don’t agree to go somewhere alone with them. Inform a friend or family member where you're going and who you're meeting with. Try to text your exact location. It’s always a good idea to arrange a code word with a friend. If you text them the code word, get them to call you with an excuse to leave. Don't get too drunk to make sound decisions that you will regret the next day.
Make sure that you trust him to be clean and use protection.
The obvious answer is that you aren't ready, yet. If he still pressures you, then you need to tell him to STOP in a clear, direct way, whether it's a stranger or someone you know. This should be a clear message that wouldn't leave any room for misunderstanding. Make sure that your body language says the same.
Avoid saying stuff like: "I don’t know about this" or "Maybe we shouldn't" - your meaning could be misinterpreted. Don't smile or tease when saying that. Look him in the eyes, without smiling, speak using a clear, calm, firm voice. Move away from him, sit straight, look that you mean it. Be firm about what you want or dont want.
You might say, "When I say no, I mean it. Don't keep asking me or trying to change my mind. If or when I am willing, I'll let you know."
If that doesn't work - you should leave for good or say that you need to leave now, but want to have an adult conversation after he calms down.
Don't give up, because he puts you on a guilt trip, or says stupid stuff like "you don't care about me", or "are you prude?", " don't you feel the chemistry?" etc.
Him, pressuring you and not taking NO for answer just shows that he doesn’t care about YOUR pleasure, comfort levels, and boundaries.
Everyone has a right to be respected, and pressuring someone for sex is a huge sign of disrespect.
There is lots more risk IMO when somebody goes on a date with someone they just met in a store or a bar.....you haven’t spent weeks talking....sharing information.....or getting to know the guy so it is lots riskier......& you never had a chance to check out their background so IMO more risk that you don’t come home........but people in the old days used to pick up in bars all the time.....& some still do.....
Thats true, sometimes they use fake names too, and sometimes are out looking for only a one night thing.
Online at least you can check them out, assuming they use their real name, real photos. More time is invested too, usually, weeks or months of talking first.
Oh, really? Before the internet, men weren't going around in droves showing their "D pics" to women whenever they felt like it. They wouldn't do it in real life if we were all in person either, as they would get arrested swiftly.
It's not been a myth in my experience and that is what I go by. I've never met so many freaks, deviants, woman-haters and mishaps in my life, they all came from the internet. I believe it's a place that they congregate and for a reason. Combine that with the distance and anonymity, which makes them feel e-courage and the ability to act out, and it's just the worst place ever to meet quality dates.
It's almost never been the "freaks" I felt unsafe with... I'd rather hang out with them than some of the "oh-so-mainstream" frat boys I've had the misfortune to know.
And I'm willing to bet the "woman haters" are the ones able to act most normal of all. You probably pass them every day and think they're normal nice guys.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by moongirl00
Thats true, sometimes they use fake names too, and sometimes are out looking for only a one night thing.
Online at least you can check them out, assuming they use their real name, real photos. More time is invested too, usually, weeks or months of talking first.
Yes...talk & get to know them....& as you get more comfortable...you slowly share more stuff like real names....real numbers...Facebook to help verify the life they told you & stuff like that....
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