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Oh for Pete’s sake.......you get to know them before you date.....online is just a way to meet like a grocery store or bar or a class or a gym......you just get to know them better before you meet them in person. So it’s better IMO.....
It’s a really hard thing for older people to understand or get used to.....
Um.
There was internet and on-line meet-ups and dating sites when I was in college.
It's not about being old or not understanding dating sites.
And someone I meet at a bar or grocery store is NOT someone I know.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
Sorry, Tasha, you are too old to get online dating.
Oh.....at 31 I’ve done online dating lots & that’s where my experience has come in for the O.P. about how long you should know somebody before being alone. Nev & Max are good resources too......they talk about safety a lot.......how to verify stuff...& what to do. I’m in my current relationship with my Bf I met online.....& so I went through this stuff A N D I couldn’t be *happier*....but I hope I never have to do it again....
On date #2, we wound up alone together only because she had to come to my house in order for me to drive the rest of the way to our destination. When we got back to my place...we had a long make-out session. lol. We didn't sleep together, so she went home.
On date 3, she had me over to try out a type of new exercise that's trending. Saw her in her yoga pants, and that's all I needed. Later on she said she thought we were at each other's places too soon. and I was thinking, "Really? Hindsight 20/20?"
On date #2, we wound up alone together only because she had to come to my house in order for me to drive the rest of the way to our destination. When we got back to my place...we had a long make-out session. lol. We didn't sleep together, so she went home.
On date 3, she had me over to try out a type of new exercise that's trending. Saw her in her yoga pants, and that's all I needed. Later on she said she thought we were at each other's places too soon. and I was thinking, "Really? Hindsight 20/20?"
So...do you think she’s doing the slow fade after sex? Or did you just make her feel uncomfortable in her yoga pants.
I think its wise, especially if this is a blind date / from OLD, to meet them in a public place, for the first date, definitely, and possibly a few subsequent meetings.
When is it ok to be alone with a person you are dating, to ensure safety from a violent or predatory person?
Also bonus question: any advice on how to handle a guy who is pressuring for sex. The obvious answer is not date him, but if one finds themself in a situation with a pushy pressury guy, what is the best course of action?
Even when I've met someone for the first time in person before going out on an official date versus being set up by others or meeting online, first dates are always in public, although admittedly as much from a feeling that we deserve to have a "real" date as from a safety perspective. (Call me old-fashioned, but "Netflix and chill" is *not* a date. It's lazy and unimaginative, but I digress.) For dinner dates, I often chose a favorite restaurant where I know the owners, staff, and several of the regulars quite well. Great food with the added bonus of an owner who would often give me the "thumbs up/thumbs down" on my dates.
During and after that first date, there are no "rules" as to when I choose to be alone with him other than I am very careful to not become inebriated and to not leave my drink unattended at any time. Most people are trustworthy, but it's best to use reasonable caution when it comes to alcohol use. I also keep an eye on how much my date drinks as alcohol can cloud a person's better judgement. There's little sense in needlessly putting either my date or myself in a potentially bad position due to excessive alcohol use.
To be honest, I've been alone with most of the people who I've dated within one to three dates with only one incident occurring that could have turned out badly had I not been sober, firm about what I didn't want to occur, and had my own car with me.
The best advice that I can give is to not ignore anything that feels "off" to you. A woman's intuition is a powerful tool when not ignored. You owe no one a chance to prove that your gut feelings are inaccurate and that you have to play nice and be agreeable even when you're feeling uncomfortable. In fact, a man who tells you to ignore your instincts is a man with whom you don't want to become involved.
As to best course of action as to handle a man who won't take "no" for an answer, is to be firm with him. Leave absolutely no room for negotiation when you tell him that you don't wish to have sex with him and remove yourself as promptly as you can from such situations.
In terms of feeling as if someone is properly "vetted" after weeks and months of chatting: it's my thought that unless the person you're chatting with is at a great distance away (let's say, more than two to three hours), it's unwise to chat with someone for that long as it could create a false sense of intimacy from one side or the other.
This could potentially become an issue with the type of person who feels as though because he/she "knows" you, he or she is owed sex or an in-person relationship once you've met in real life. (That is, the imagined, "but we have/had a connection!" because of the build-up that occurs because too time has been spent online/email/phone/Skype as opposed to just meeting up face-to-face.) Those folks can sometimes get a bit stalker-ish if things don't pan out once you've met.
Last edited by Formerly Known As Twenty; 10-09-2019 at 09:04 AM..
What you said about knowing the staff at the restaurant reminds me of the single most awkward date of my life.
The guy was a regular at this restaurant, told me he eats there all the time. It was obvious that the server was a friend of my date, and further obvious that either my date had told his buddy, "I'm totally gonna bang this chick, check her out when I bring her by this afternoon!" or the server/friend was sizing me up and imagining me doing stuff with his buddy, I don't even know but the dude was giving me this creepy smirking leer and staring at me the whole time, even from across the room. It made my skin crawl. That, on top of the fact that even after I said I wasn't into superhero comics, the date went on and on for over an hour about his favorite superhero comics...and he had weird twitchy, squinty eyes, and dandruff... Everything about it. Ugh!
"Sorry, not feeling it. Best of luck to you!"
Then I run into him at a friend's birthday party a couple of years later and we both awkwardly try to ignore the fact that we recognized one another, until finally when he was leaving and he said hello and goodbye and I congratulated him on losing a whole lot of weight and told him he was looking good. After he was out the door, I shuddered, remembering that date. Sad that the worst part of it by far wasn't the guy, it was his buddy. But you just don't come back from that.
I think its wise, especially if this is a blind date / from OLD, to meet them in a public place, for the first date, definitely, and possibly a few subsequent meetings.
When is it ok to be alone with a person you are dating, to ensure safety from a violent or predatory person?
Yes, I always meet them in public for the first date, but not always on the second. I don’t think waiting a few more dates would hurt though. Unfortunately, you can never guarantee that a guy won’t act different when he gets you alone, but I have luckily never had a problem. And pretty much every guy I’ve ever been alone with has been someone from OLD.
Yes, I always meet them in public for the first date, but not always on the second. I don’t think waiting a few more dates would hurt though. Unfortunately, you can never guarantee that a guy won’t act different when he gets you alone, but I have luckily never had a problem. And pretty much every guy I’ve ever been alone with has been someone from OLD.
@shelato Ive never taken a self defense class. I doubt they have any around here (except at the military base for soldiers wives). Im in a deeply rural area, but youtube probably has some videos about it.
The boundaries thing is true. If they respect small boundaries, then more likely they will respect bigger ones. Its a good thing to watch out for before progressing things.
Krav Maga is offered online. Its the training offered by the Israeli Military. Its exercise, but it will also teach you the vulnerabilites on the body so that even a small woman can fight and disable a much larger person and if necessary even kill them.
I am not saying that you need to be killing your dates. But when you have the knowledge to do so, you are much less likely to feel that you must agree to do something you don't want, because you don't want him to be upset.
On date #2, we wound up alone together only because she had to come to my house in order for me to drive the rest of the way to our destination. When we got back to my place...we had a long make-out session. lol. We didn't sleep together, so she went home.
On date 3, she had me over to try out a type of new exercise that's trending. Saw her in her yoga pants, and that's all I needed. Later on she said she thought we were at each other's places too soon. and I was thinking, "Really? Hindsight 20/20?"
What exactly are you saying? (the bolded)
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