How long should you know someone you are dating before being alone with them? (wife, marry)
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Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by K12144
It's almost never been the "freaks" I felt unsafe with... I'd rather hang out with them than some of the "oh-so-mainstream" frat boys I've had the misfortune to know.
And I'm willing to bet the "woman haters" are the ones able to act most normal of all. You probably pass them every day and think they're normal nice guys.
No....haters against any group are super easy to spot.....& if they hate 1 group they probably hate other stuff too...
E d i t: Bad boys can be good later..smiles...but they have to be able to respect our boundaries & not want to meet in private places at 1st because that kinda bad is bad...
Last edited by TashaPosh; 10-07-2019 at 09:00 PM..
The difference is, when you met this stranger you frequented the same places and ran into them out and about. It feel more anonymous with internet people. There are fewer or no shared ties.
The lack of shared ties does not make them anymore dangerous than anyone else. Dangerous people existed long before the advent of the internet.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
9,297 posts, read 4,583,293 times
Reputation: 7613
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408
The difference is, when you met this stranger you frequented the same places and ran into them out and about. It feel more anonymous with internet people. There are fewer or no shared ties.
It’s not anonymous....you talk to a guy & get to know him...you don’t just say hi & trust everything he said & go meet him that night......
Just because a man goes to the same bar as you doesn’t mean he is going to be safer....
You know nothing about him.....
Well I live in a small town, I see the same faces all the time, every day, so that engenders a sense of trust. But its true, just because the persons face is familiar, and I know where he works, doesnt mean I know anything about him. It can be easy to fall into premature trust I guess.
Well I live in a small town, I see the same faces all the time, every day, so that engenders a sense of trust. But its true, just because the persons face is familiar, and I know where he works, doesnt mean I know anything about him. It can be easy to fall into premature trust I guess.
I find it inconceivable that someone at your age, who has been through what you claim to have been through, would not have a better handle on this.
The lack of shared ties does not make them anymore dangerous than anyone else. Dangerous people existed long before the advent of the internet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TashaPosh
It’s not anonymous....you talk to a guy & get to know him...you don’t just say hi & trust everything he said & go meet him that night......
Just because a man goes to the same bar as you doesn’t mean he is going to be safer....
You know nothing about him.....
If I meet someone at a bar or party, chances are I have interacted with him. And my friends are around watching the signals and they have also chatted with him. It adds a second layer of vetting.
At a bar, odds are good they also live nearby. It gives you more data points.
Online you don’t have many data points and no one else you know has done any vetting.
Oh, really? Before the internet, men weren't going around in droves showing their "D pics" to women whenever they felt like it. They wouldn't do it in real life if we were all in person either, as they would get arrested swiftly.
How frequently does that occur? Is that some the average woman on line date gets one a day, once a week, once a month, one a year or just something you heard happened to a friend of a friend?
I think its wise, especially if this is a blind date / from OLD, to meet them in a public place, for the first date, definitely, and possibly a few subsequent meetings.
When is it ok to be alone with a person you are dating, to ensure safety from a violent or predatory person?
Also bonus question: any advice on how to handle a guy who is pressuring for sex. The obvious answer is not date him, but if one finds themself in a situation with a pushy pressury guy, what is the best course of action?
I will go for the bonus question first. Have you checked out something like model mugging? or Krav Maga?
The reason I mention that is the reason people give into pressure is they don't feel they have an alternative to not standing up to the person pressuring you. Either of the above will give you options.
When you feel like you have credible options for dealing with men if things go south. Its a lot easier to be assertive.
As for trust, its not hard fast about a specific number of dates. Its based more on the nature of your past interactions and how they respond to you enforcing your boundaries. There are also different degrees of being alone. You can be on a date and go for a walk where you are alone by the park, but in ear shot of others. If that experience goes well so do does your trust in him.
How frequently does that occur? Is that some the average woman on line date gets one a day, once a week, once a month, one a year or just something you heard happened to a friend of a friend?
I've heard it from at least thousands of women. So much so that in the state I live in, Texas, a law was just passed making it illegal for men to send those pics unsolicited. WTF does a law even have to be made? Control yourselves!
@shelato Ive never taken a self defense class. I doubt they have any around here (except at the military base for soldiers wives). Im in a deeply rural area, but youtube probably has some videos about it.
The boundaries thing is true. If they respect small boundaries, then more likely they will respect bigger ones. Its a good thing to watch out for before progressing things.
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