Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Advertisements
Read what he wrote. He is convinced she is cheating. He just wants proof. He isn't really wondering sincerely. He is convinced.
People need to walk in the other person's shoes. Think about how they would feel and think and react to the other person's so called "questions".
I've been through this, most people have. It's over. There is no way I'd ever keep dating someone that accused me of cheating, and no way I'd date someone I didn't trust.
Read what he wrote. He is convinced she is cheating. He just wants proof. He isn't really wondering sincerely. He is convinced.
He's asking whether he's overthinking this or if he's right to be suspicious.
He thinks the facts point to something but is questioning his own ability to think rationally in a situation that makes him emotional. So he asked uninterested strangers for a cold look at the facts.
To me that's a very reasonable question for someone to ask.
But you're telling him that whatever is the case, he should get out of the relationship because merely asking that question is already going too far.
That's your opinion. I disagree.
Let's not lose sight of the fact that the OP is MARRIED, not DATING here. I'd say the stakes are a tad higher in the OP's situation than would be in a 'dating' situation.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by adamexe
He's asking whether he's overthinking this or if he's right to be suspicious.
He thinks the facts point to something but is questioning his own ability to think rationally in a situation that makes him emotional. So he asked uninterested strangers for a cold look at the facts.
To me that's a very reasonable question for someone to ask.
But you're telling him that whatever is the case, he should get out of the relationship because merely asking that question is already going too far.
That's your opinion. I disagree.
You didn't read his other posts. He is saying she will get sloppy, he will have his proof. He is already convinced.
And yes, if he doesn't trust her, and he clearly doesn't if he is tracking mileage and looking at her phone, means the relationship is over, no matter what. No trust = no relrelationship.
None of this sounds good, but because we’re only able to get information from your perspective it’s hard to give an honest opinion. Maybe, in her mind, she’s not “guarding” her phone but feels like you’re being a bit paranoid. I’m not excusing either of you of being right or wrong, you understand, but the whole issue lacks context without a full perspective.
I agree with what Timberline said, you’re marriage IS INDEED in trouble if there is a lack of trust. Please resolve these issues with your spouse and talk her! Tell HER what is bothering you and why. If you’re able to have an honest conversation with her about what’s hurting you AND can understand what maybe hurting her about what you are doing, there’s hope. I wish you and your spouse all the best.
If the wife wanted a sit down conversation to air things out and settle it once and for all, don't you all think she would have done so by now?
Instead, when confronted with the possibilities of cheating, not only does she deny, but she appears to not be interested in sorting things out. So what good does asking her to discuss these concerns do at this point? He's going to keep getting shut out.
And for those saying if there's no trust, it's over, it's beyond that at this point. He deserves to know one way or another since she refuses to communicate. It may be pricey, but like I mentioned I'd hire a private investigator at least to bring some closure whether there's infidelity or not. Better to know for sure than to live in denial or suspicion without ever knowing. And the pros know what they are doing so safer option than trying to be Kojak yourself.
Location: RI, MA, VT, WI, IL, CA, IN (that one sucked), KY
41,937 posts, read 36,951,955 times
Reputation: 40635
Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburban_Guy
If the wife wanted a sit down conversation to air things out and settle it once and for all, don't you all think she would have done so by now?
Instead, when confronted with the possibilities of cheating, not only does she deny, but she appears to not be interested in sorting things out. So what good does asking her to discuss these concerns do at this point? He's going to keep getting shut out.
And for those saying if there's no trust, it's over, it's beyond that at this point. He deserves to know one way or another since she refuses to communicate. It may be pricey, but like I mentioned I'd hire a private investigator at least to bring some closure whether there's infidelity or not. Better to know for sure than to live in denial or suspicion without ever knowing. And the pros know what they are doing so safer option than trying to be Kojak yourself.
Think about it. If confronted with a claim, er question, of infidelity, and if you're not guilty. Wouldn't you deny it?
He's presenting a no win scenario. Deny. Your lying. Admit it, your cheating. Guilty either way.
Doesn't matter if true or not. No fault divorce is real. Right or wrong doesn't matter here. If she is cheating it's over. If she isn't, he doesn't trust her and is accusing her of cheating and spying on her, so it's over.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
26,700 posts, read 41,733,093 times
Reputation: 41381
Quote:
Originally Posted by Euskalherria
Let's not lose sight of the fact that the OP is MARRIED, not DATING here. I'd say the stakes are a tad higher in the OP's situation than would be in a 'dating' situation.
Exactly why it would be imperative to have at least some closure brought by proof before he goes and busts up a shared life.
Let's not lose sight of the fact that the OP is MARRIED, not DATING here. I'd say the stakes are a tad higher in the OP's situation than would be in a 'dating' situation.
I agree the stakes are higher, which is why it is a MUST that he resolve these issues with his wife through open communication. This lack of trust can only be addressed through an honest conversation with her.
OP I can’t say I’ve ever had such issues with my own wife but if I did… I’d go straight to her with them. If you can’t be honest about your feelings, you two are in real trouble IMO.
Um... about the phone. I live alone and erase all my calls and texts. Also email and clean out the trash. I've always done that. Maybe the OP has been checking her phone for years and her phone habits have changed.
It's also possible something else is up. Maybe she's been considering a divorce and there is no other man.
Seeing as he doesn't trust her, maybe he should arrange to go away for a week (unless that's just too unusual) and have her watched to see if anything is going on. Being suspicious is going to ruin the marriage if something else already hasn't.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
