Is My Wife Cheating? (man, separation, couples, therapist)
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Your spouse is supposed to be one of the very few people in this world that you can trust with your life. They have your back. Why would you want to live with a spouse that you suspect by their actions is cheating on you? The lies and the inability to trust make this an unhealthy relationship for you. It doesn't matter who she is cheating with, or what her lies and evasions are over, what matters is that this is not a stable foundation. Yes, you can work through it.... until the next time. Exactly how many next times are you willing to subject yourself to?
As other's have said, don't give up the advantage. Go speak to an attorney and have your plans in place.
Best post in the thread - all this whiny back-and-forth about the OP being 'sneaky' and what-not is irrelevant garbage... and a pathetic attempt to 'moralize' the situation.
OP, see your attorney ASAP if you haven't already.
I don't believe any one of us including you, can say that she is or she isn't, but bottom line, if you question her loyalty to you and the marriage, why would you remain there, you have to be able to trust your spouse, if you can't then its time to make a change, not fair to you or to her.
Your spouse is supposed to be one of the very few people in this world that you can trust with your life. They have your back. Why would you want to live with a spouse that you suspect by their actions is cheating on you? The lies and the inability to trust make this an unhealthy relationship for you. It doesn't matter who she is cheating with, or what her lies and evasions are over, what matters is that this is not a stable foundation. Yes, you can work through it.... until the next time. Exactly how many next times are you willing to subject yourself to?
As other's have said, don't give up the advantage. Go speak to an attorney and have your plans in place.
I feel the same way, if there is no trust, you don't have a relationship....
I believe he is in denial....and it's tearing him apart....
but if you feel you have to go on a forum and ask, then I'd say it's time to make plans in another direction.
I'm terribly late with this thread but wondering a few things:
1) Can you provide more context around the "fishy" text messages you saw? What did they say? If you took a photo of them, you should have that phone number, there are ways to do a reverse search online for a few bucks to find out who the person on the other end of those texts is. That might shed light on this situation for you.
2) Someone else said this already but you should have got the evidence first, then confronted her, not the other way around. Too late now and I understand emotions get the best of you, but if there is a next time, stay calm and collect evidence first.
3) Any updates here? It's been a few weeks since OP posted. I'm genuinely curious to know. My gut tells me she's cheating or at least had a one night stand with some dude. Grown women don't crash at their girlfriend's house for any reason. Did you ask who this girlfriend was? No reason anyone couldn't get an Uber today if she'd truly had too much to drink.
Or at least thinking about it? I'm pretty sure I know the answer.
This is what I know. It's all highly suspect, but not conclusive.
She started suggesting we take a lot more "breaks" apart, where she'd either push me out or she'd ask to take off for a day.
She started hanging out with and spent a night at a "friends" house after a night of drinking. I had never heard of this "girlfriend" before.
I found three very highly suggestive, but not positively conclusive texts on her phone.
She said she wants to buy a house separately on her own as an "investment".
I asked her point blank if she has someone on the side. She vehemently denied it almost to the point of hostility. Crossed her arms, sighed, etc.
A follow up check on her phone and all of those messages were gone. She spends a ton of time texting and talking and doing who-knows-what. As verbose as she is, there seems to be too few messages on it. It's definitely being scrubbed and sanitized. If those three messages were deleted, what else was?
She guards her phone with her life-takes it into the bathroom and whatnot. The few times I was able to get in, had to be super brief and in the middle of the night when she was asleep, since I have not been able.
All of these "break" days have come to an abrupt halt now that I've confronted her. Now she's cooking my favorite meals, planning weekend getaways, and so on.
She still rarely gives me 'any', turns me down 4 times out of 5. But all of a sudden, out of the blue, earlier this week, she marched me to the bedroom the second I got home from work.
And wanted to try some different 'things'.
So there you have it. Am I overthinking this and being paranoid or is she up to something? What would you think?
She's digging the escape tunnel. All her conciliatory efforts of late are just to throw you off the scent.
[*]I found three very highly suggestive, but not positively conclusive texts on her phone.
who made the suggestions? Her or him? What suggestions?
Sexual suggestions from him? How did she respond?
I would make this grounds for my conversation with her. You confronted her but did you not bring up the messages? Aren't they explaining it all?
If he made sexual suggestions and she turned them down but kept texting him further - Unacceptable.
If she made the sexual suggestions or reacted positively to his suggestions - Unacceptable.
I think you are way to kind with just asking her if there is anyone. I would have told her you read the messages and this has to stop IMMEDIATELY and I would watch her send a message to the guy ending whatever there is.
Or at least thinking about it? I'm pretty sure I know the answer.
This is what I know. It's all highly suspect, but not conclusive.
She started suggesting we take a lot more "breaks" apart, where she'd either push me out or she'd ask to take off for a day.
She started hanging out with and spent a night at a "friends" house after a night of drinking. I had never heard of this "girlfriend" before.
I found three very highly suggestive, but not positively conclusive texts on her phone.
She said she wants to buy a house separately on her own as an "investment".
I asked her point blank if she has someone on the side. She vehemently denied it almost to the point of hostility. Crossed her arms, sighed, etc.
A follow up check on her phone and all of those messages were gone. She spends a ton of time texting and talking and doing who-knows-what. As verbose as she is, there seems to be too few messages on it. It's definitely being scrubbed and sanitized. If those three messages were deleted, what else was?
She guards her phone with her life-takes it into the bathroom and whatnot. The few times I was able to get in, had to be super brief and in the middle of the night when she was asleep, since I have not been able.
All of these "break" days have come to an abrupt halt now that I've confronted her. Now she's cooking my favorite meals, planning weekend getaways, and so on.
She still rarely gives me 'any', turns me down 4 times out of 5. But all of a sudden, out of the blue, earlier this week, she marched me to the bedroom the second I got home from work.
And wanted to try some different 'things'.
So there you have it. Am I overthinking this and being paranoid or is she up to something? What would you think?
It doesn't really matter if she is or if she isn't. It's all in how you feel about her behavior. If she is doing things that you feel are disrespectful to you, then you need to nip it in the bud. If a married woman has "suggestive" conversations on her phone (which she tries to keep from you) then I'm sure that is not OK with you. So, without determining whether or not she is actually having an affair, can you deal with her behavior? Does it make you feel safe, secure and warm and fuzzy? If so, fine. If not, do something about it.
I do know one thing. Some people see the line that is between right and wrong. Some people never see it. They never have and never will. If she is able to do disrespectful things toward you and you allow it, she will do it again.
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