Very strange first date, what happened? (girlfriend, long distance, kiss, advice)
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Whoa, slow down. Let's bear in mind, that the guy is generally off-kilter, first of all. She wouldn't have had to say anything to raise false hopes; he seems perfectly capable of fantasizing on his own. After 2 years, including 5 months of talking on the phone (every day?? The OP said they talked on the phone daily, but maybe that was only lately, not for 5 months straight...?), he could have concluded, that her finally assenting to a date indicated she decided she was into him. He could have gone way overboard in how he interpreted her decision to go on a date with him.
So yes, in his mind, he could have thought she'd lead him on just by agreeing to a date. Because it sounds like he has a tendency to be oblivious to boundaries and to build things up in his mind. He could have blamed her for that, rather than realizing he conjured up his expectations himself.
But that doesn't mean she did or said anything (other than decide to meet him in person finally) to fake interest or lead him to believe there would be anything more to the date than a meet & greet, and a stroll through a park full of Xmas displays.
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Read your posts on page 3. His behavior was inappropriate for a first meet, but you are exaggerating and advising her to change her phone # and put herself behind an "Iron Curtain", your words.
Also, regarding the "park" issue, she did not mention "the presence of people and Christmas lights" at the beginning, she added this only in her last posts.
Also, please, "slow down yourself" and shorten your posts and do not confuse who posts what. You assigned once a post to me that was not mine. Thanks
some guy yoo dont care for and yoo suggest going to a romantic secluded location.
some couples do much more than thigh rubbing on the first date so he is not a creep since she allowed it.
now yoo are obsessing over him becuz he ended it early ?
yoo sound much more awkward than him (men are expected to carry the burden of conversation while the woman just sits there and pays him dust; but, most people are not always charming and eloquent so helping him brake the ice wouldve made the date more smooth).
some guy yoo dont care for and yoo suggest going to a romantic secluded location.
some couples do much more than thigh rubbing on the first date so he is not a creep since she allowed it.
now yoo are obsessing over him becuz he ended it early ?
yoo sound much more awkward than him (men are expected to carry the burden of conversation while the woman just sits there and pays him dust; but, most people are not always charming and eloquent so helping him brake the ice wouldve made the date more smooth).
+ 10 ^^^
I could not agree more! Her behavior during this whole ordeal was extremely confusing spiked with mixed signals. She behaved clueless as if this were the first date in her whole life. She was actually lucky to be with this guy, more ill-tempered guys could and would have behaved much worse!
It is like women going in the middle of the night to a guy's place and then saying "don't touch me!."
Read your posts on page 3. His behavior was inappropriate for a first meet, but you are exaggerating and advising her to change her phone # and put herself behind an "Iron Curtain", your words.
Also, regarding the "park" issue, she did not mention "the presence of people and Christmas lights" at the beginning, she added this only in her last posts.
Also, please, "slow down yourself" and shorten your posts and do not confuse who posts what. You assigned once a post to me that was not mine. Thanks
What does changing her phone number (after she moves), etc. have to do with whether or not she gave him good reason to think she was faking interest? Changing a phone number, or blocking someone (if a creepy person is persistent) is fairly standard advice. Especially in the case of someone who says, "Just because you're moving, doesn't mean we have to cut communication", and who's been calling daily for weeks/months. (Context is everything.)
I didn't say anything about the "park issue". Your last paragraph has nothing to do with this thread.
I agree the guy sounds pretty weird. It sounds like he was doing the thigh-rub/face stroke maybe while trying to find the guts to go for the kiss but he couldn't do it, or he was hoping you'd visibly respond and he'd get a neon green go signal or something. But I mean, a woman repeatedly looking away and going through her purse in the middle of that moment is a bit of a buzzkill/confidence-killer...
No one said you have to have sex like you are implying, but you can kiss in a park, if you're interested that is; or at least look at him/in his direction so he can kiss you? I think that's a normal outcome for a sexually conservative first date.
The weirdest part of all for me personally is a guy 'chasing' you for TWO YEARS, and talking every day for FIVE MONTHS. Don't know how old you are, but what do young people talk about where there wouldn't be some kind of relationship and hangouts/dates by that point? I have to wonder if 'talking every day' is now like "sup?" "nm." Bizarre.
To be honest, as odd as the guy was acting, he sounds a little more normal than you. At least his approach was sort of rational? He likes you, talks to you, tries to get date with you, gets date, tries to kiss/make a move. Whereas you 'give him a date' after two years of pursuing you 'because you feel bad,' then abruptly tell him you're moving away and totally rebuff all his advances, then wonder why it hasn't gone further? Double bizarre.
If you're not interested fine, but if you actually are then you're taking hard-to-get to an extreme level. If you want to wait on sex you can always hold that off while kissing/doing other stuff, have seen people do that for a very long time. But at least the guy will know it's an actual relationship/dating, and not a continuation of the two years of ambiguous weirdness.
What does changing her phone number (after she moves), etc. have to do with whether or not she gave him good reason to think she was faking interest? Changing a phone number, or blocking someone (if a creepy person is persistent) is fairly standard advice. Especially in the case of someone who says, "Just because you're moving, doesn't mean we have to cut communication", and who's been calling daily for weeks/months. (Context is everything.)
I didn't say anything about the "park issue". Your last paragraph has nothing to do with this thread.
Yes, you did mention the park, read below
"But that doesn't mean she did or said anything (other than decide to meet him in person finally) to fake interest or lead him to believe there would be anything more to the date than a meet & greet, and a stroll through a park full of Xmas displays."
And you often are assuming, as if you were a clairvoyante. How do you know what they spoke on the phone and how their calls went? His behavior showed clearly that he had the impression that she was teasing him, hot and cold....and her posts are not reliable, with changes and additions going along.
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some guy yoo dont care for and yoo suggest going to a romantic secluded location.
some couples do much more than thigh rubbing on the first date so he is not a creep since she allowed it.
now yoo are obsessing over him becuz he ended it early ?
yoo sound much more awkward than him (men are expected to carry the burden of conversation while the woman just sits there and pays him dust; but, most people are not always charming and eloquent so helping him brake the ice wouldve made the date more smooth).
First off that’s not a romantic date at all, we were already in the same area , so I decided It would be nice. I could say a lot of first dates are romantic. What about men who take women to expensive restaurants and buy flowers ? That’s very romantic right? It doesn’t matter the settings has nothing to do with this. Him touching my leg wasn’t a big problem for me . I’ve been on loads of dates so I understand when a man is trying to show interest, or break the touch barrier. I never said he was a creep, that never came out of my mouth. Your right a women isn’t supposed to just sit there! Just like a man who begged for a date shouldn’t just come up with “do you get a lot of compliments “ “why are you shy”. I was the one starting the conversations I asked him loads of things. I wasn’t just sitting there like a manikin. I’m last one you should be calling awkward, I have great socialization skills. Of course it’s my first time meeting him so I’m going to be a little shy, that’s normal. Don’t think I wasn’t talking or making conversation. Nobody is obsessing over anything, I came here just to ask people’s opinions I never said I needed advice. Obviously people were intrigued by the story that’s why there’s nine pages
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