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In my experience if a guy is into you he will make the effort to see you. However I haven't been with anyone but my husband in over 20 years so maybe things have changed. It may be that he's saying enough to keep you interested but not really interested enough to make any effort.
Started talking to this guy online. We hit it off. After a few days of chatting, I suggest we grab a drink in-person. We make a plan. He's texting me a lot. Says he's looking for a relationship.
So we meet in the parking lot. He looked a bit tired. I ask him jokingly if he just rolled out of bed? He said he had been laying in bed watching sports. It was the weekend.
We head to the bar and I'm excited. I ask him lots of questions. He doesn't really ask me any, but seems to like that I want to hear about his life.
He's very fidgety. Checking his smart watch, stretching his back, moving around. Some guys next to him at the bar have sports going on their phone. He occasionally looks over at the game and makes a friendly comment to them. He clicks his glass to them, then back to me.
We overall make decent conversation. He says sorry for checking his smart watch a lot. It's a horrible habit. I do the same myself so I blow it off. I see a co-worker and her boyfriend, we happily make conversation with them for a few minutes.
We are chatting. He reaches over and lightly touches my arm, my knee. It was innocent flirtation. He pays for our drinks.
I couldn't tell if he was into me or not. At times he seemed uninterested like he had somewhere to be. But he even told me that his friends invited him out but he said no because he had plans with me. Then at times he seemed very into me.
He walks me to my car. Gives me a kiss. It was good. We sit in my car chatting a while more. We kiss more.
Then I go home. We're texting. He says he'd like to see me again. The next day he's texting me, but he seems like really boring. He has nothing to say, no conversation to make. But says he'd like to see me again. That's Sunday. On Monday, I text him, he answers. Again, nothing really to say. He says he works Monday through Thursday 14 hour days, so he's busy those days. It's now Wednesday and I haven't heard from him since I messaged him Monday.
Why does he keep saying he wants to see me again? But no real plans or conversation? Is he truly busy with work?
I liked our date and was hoping to go out with him again, but feel since I initiated the first date, that he should initiate the second. Am I wrong?
He and I had a whole conversation about ghosting and he said he would never do it, because he had guts and many girls have done it to him.
Am I being ghosted?
Did you meet him online? If so there is a reason for that.
Maybe he's just not a talker. Ask him about himself. I suggest asking him about his most embarrassing moment. See if he's a talker and he's just careful or if he genuinely is rather stoic.
In my experience if a guy is into you he will make the effort to see you. However I haven't been with anyone but my husband in over 20 years so maybe things have changed. It may be that he's saying enough to keep you interested but not really interested enough to make any effort.
He works 14-hour days M-Th. It is now Wednesday. 14-hour days don’t really allow you much free time. You have enough time to come home, eat a meal, shower, and maybe relax for an hour or two before you go to bed.
I think the OP is expecting too much from him during his current workweek.
Seems odd that you just met the guy and he doesn't want to find out more about you (but seems all too happy to let you hang on his every word about himself). (Yeah, I've known people like that. Makes you wonder if they really like you, or just like that you're their sounding board.)
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Originally Posted by E-Twist
If he is really into watching sports he may have been wishing he was watching it with the guys.
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Originally Posted by oh-eve
The fidgety thing could be that he is nervous. Or he is a complete sports guy and is fidgety because he wants to know how the game ended that he could not watch because he met you.
I'd be pretty annoyed if a guy knew there was a sports game he wanted to see, he made plans with me at the same time instead, and then acted all distracted because he'd rather be doing something else. If he wanted to watch the game, he should've stayed home and watched the game, not arranged a date for that time.
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Originally Posted by rrah
I think it's ridiculous to expect someone will text you when he's working 14 hour days. Have you ever worked those kind of hours for 4 days? I have very recently. All I could do was sleep, eat and shower. I barely spoke to my husband except when we ate dinner or when I crawled into bed. I don't even have a commute.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
He works 14-hour days M-Th. It is now Wednesday. 14-hour days don’t really allow you much free time. You have enough time to come home, eat a meal, shower, and maybe relax for an hour or two before you go to bed.
I think the OP is expecting too much from him during his current workweek.
If he's so busy, why is he dating?
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Originally Posted by pclem
It really depends. Maybe he really has been busy with work, maybe the weather really is going to suck on the days in question (it's January after all) and maybe he does have plans with a cousin or whomever. Sure it could be a lie, but maybe not.
But, at any rate, don't put your life on hold sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. He does him, you do you. If you're free when he wants to meet up, great.
Seems odd that you just met the guy and he doesn't want to find out more about you (but seems all too happy to let you hang on his every word about himself). (Yeah, I've known people like that. Makes you wonder if they really like you, or just like that you're their sounding board.)
I'd be pretty annoyed if a guy knew there was a sports game he wanted to see, he made plans with me at the same time instead, and then acted all distracted because he'd rather be doing something else. If he wanted to watch the game, he should've stayed home and watched the game, not arranged a date for that time.
If he's so busy, why is he dating?
But, at any rate, don't put your life on hold sitting by the phone waiting for him to call. He does him, you do you. If you're free when he wants to meet up, great.
He does have free time Fri-Sun, when he already agreed to have a date with the OP. Not everyone has the inclination or interest in talking regularly between dates, especially during the early dating phase. There is nothing wrong with that.
I messaged him. He answered right back. I suggested plans. He said he heard there might be funky weather. He says he'll let me know. That he made plans with a family member who he barely gets to see.
He's blowing you off. Who cares? Why are you so invested in someone you barely know?
I think he'd be rightfully horrified if he knew you posted every angsty detail of your date on a public
message board. Get some perspective. Or maybe a hobby.
He works 14-hour days M-Th. It is now Wednesday. 14-hour days don’t really allow you much free time. You have enough time to come home, eat a meal, shower, and maybe relax for an hour or two before you go to bed.
I think the OP is expecting too much from him during his current workweek.
Yes, he works 14-hour days. That doesn't preclude him from saying "Are you free Saturday? Want to grab lunch?" I wouldn't expect him to be communicating much on work days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict
He does have free time Fri-Sun, when he already agreed to have a date with the OP. Not everyone has the inclination or interest in talking regularly between dates, especially during the early dating phase. There is nothing wrong with that.
Hmmm, I don't see where he agreed to have a date. When SHE mentioned a date he said he wasn't sure due to possible bad weather and seeing a relative. The weather thing shouldn't prevent making a plan... could always cancel if the bad weather happened.
Even I'm on the fence about him at this point. He asks me how I'm doing, but doesn't ask much more than that and didn't on our date.
That's a little red flag for me. How do you get to know me?
He seemed idgety, I think nerves. He was uninterested, then flirting up a storm. That was weird. Why kiss me if you didn't like me?
And I admit, he is probably busy. He even mentioned how he meant to ask me something the other day but was so busy and forgot. I give him that.
But you can't text a 5 minute text- want to hangout this weekend? Seems fishy.
I don't quite know if I'm getting relationship vibes from him. He says he wants one, but I don't really see his actions matching that goal. I wonder if he hasn't had a successful relationship because of the way he acts. Who knows? He said he highly prioritizes the girl when in he's one. Well, I haven't seen that too much. He skipped plans with friends to see me. That was good. But now no follow up plans.
I'd be shocked if I heard from him this weekend, like he said he would do. He says he will follow up with me closer to the weekend. I doubt it.
I also think he seems a bit, mysterious in a way. He let me know his father passed away. He brought it up. When I asked how he passed he seemed to be withholding it. Okay, it's personal, I get that. Then he mentioned he went to college. Made it seem like it was a regular 4 years in college. When I probed more, he admits he never finished and left early. But won't say much more than that about why and how.
I know you get to know someone in time. But he seems almost like he's trying to hide stuff a bit. Just the vibe I get. Whereas, I have nothing to hide in my life.
I have another date this week with someone else. We'll see how that goes.
A) I think the OP has posted here before about various relationships or lack thereof, right?
B) any guy that expresses interest in me and then shows up looking like he just rolled out of bed? nuh uh - ain't happening.
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