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Its true! They want the impossible. They want a virgin who becomes a wild tiger sex goddess as soon as she meets him.
Women also want the seemingly impossible. They want men who can have sex with any woman to just have sex with them. Same thing.
Quote:
A virgin is a virgin after a certain age probably because she has a low sex drive or sexual hangups. That probably won't ever change.
An experienced woman probably has a high sex drive and knows what she's doing, but they can't handle the fact she's had that experience.
Its truly a catch 22.
Yeah it is. Men want women who like sex but not sex with every one. That does not come from men, It comes from the male sex that is invested. Yeah its very nuanced and an ideal combination of loyalty and lust.
Women have the same problem. Women have to look for men who are nice to them but very nasty to external threats.
Nice guys ask why women like those dangerous bad boys.
Women ask why men like virgins.
Two sides of the same coin.
That is why the most sought after men are the ones with the mental machinery to differentiate between friend and foe but are capable of violence. Likewise the most sought after women will be those that know the time and place to be sexual.
People can do what they like . Makes no difference to me, but paternity uncertainty will always make investment minded men nervous. If a woman goes from man to man its hard to convince them that you plan to make them the last man.
Women also want the seemingly impossible. They want men who can have sex with any woman to just have sex with them. Same thing.
Yeah it is. Men want women who like sex but not sex with every one. That does not come from men, It comes from the male sex that is invested. Yeah its very nuanced and an ideal combination of loyalty and lust.
Women have the same problem. Women have to look for men who are nice to them but very nasty to external threats.
Nice guys ask why women like those dangerous bad boys.
Women ask why men like virgins.
Two sides of the same coin.
That is why the most sought after men are the ones with the mental machinery to differentiate between friend and foe but are capable of violence. Likewise the most sought after women will be those that know the time and place to be sexual.
People can do what they like . Makes no difference to me, but paternity uncertainty will always make investment minded men nervous. If a woman goes from man to man its hard to convince them that you plan to make them the last man.
I agree.
But say I am 40 years old and I have had 40 partners and I started when I was 20. This is roughly true.
40 sounds like a lot! But that's an average of 2 guys per year. That actually seems pretty conservative to me. And I have probably turned down 4000 men even though I have that "40" body count.
But the guy doesn't think about the 4000 men I rejected. All he can think about is the 40 that got access to his territory. Its a very territorial thing.
Lots of catch 22s out there in relationships.
I agreed, there may be a feminine tendency to demand the impossible as well.
I've had some thoughts about that...at times it has seemed to me like morality for men is centered around violence. Specifically whether it is channeled into the "right" uses, not the wrong ones. But men are just kind of assumed to be aggressive, violent creatures at their core, and controlling that is a huge part of the construct of morality as it pertains to men. For women, it's sex. How she controls access to it, if she provides enough of it in the right context, and none in the wrong context.
Men go to war, women have the babies, and all that old stuff.
Except in modern society we seem pretty determined to turn things on their heads from what the most basic animal-level functions people once took for granted. Though I personally think that it is a good thing. I did not much care for the sexual rules from just out the gates of puberty on, and only got angry and rebellious hearing all of the contradictions in what boys had to say about girls in high school. And I want no violence at ALL from my man. He is not here to protect me from any external threats. It is up to us both to use our brains to avoid trouble, since that is going to be more sustainable for our life circumstances than a hyper-vigilant guy who thinks that at any moment, some problem might require a violent solution.
I had one of those. Didn't like it. He fancied himself my protector but in reality he was the only real threat around, and he was more a threat to me than to anyone or anything else most of the time.
But say I am 40 years old and I have had 40 partners and I started when I was 20. This is roughly true.
40 sounds like a lot! But that's an average of 2 guys per year. That actually seems pretty conservative to me. And I have probably turned down 4000 men even though I have that "40" body count.
But the guy doesn't think about the 4000 men I rejected. All he can think about is the 40 that got access to his territory. Its a very territorial thing.
Lots of catch 22s out there in relationships.
I agreed, there may be a feminine tendency to demand the impossible as well.
If you’re dating a guy who talks about “body count”, he’s probably a younger considerably less experienced 20 something or early 30s. That’s a reference used by college kids… not mature men with experience. There are exceptions to this, but it’s generally true.
Most grown ace men will not care because we have our own body count, exes and baggage. And we darn sure would NEVER ask, especially during the dating phase of a potential relationship.
But say I am 40 years old and I have had 40 partners and I started when I was 20. This is roughly true.
40 sounds like a lot! But that's an average of 2 guys per year. That actually seems pretty conservative to me. And I have probably turned down 4000 men even though I have that "40" body count.
But the guy doesn't think about the 4000 men I rejected. All he can think about is the 40 that got access to his territory. Its a very territorial thing.
Lots of catch 22s out there in relationships.
I agreed, there may be a feminine tendency to demand the impossible as well.
You have turned down 4000 men? Now THAT'S a number I can not relate to. And I can't imagine that a woman who has turned down 4,000 men (or 1,000 or even 100) is as self-conscious, naive, and anxious as you. I'm trying to be nice but it doesn't add up... Realizing I've said before that it also isn't quite believable that you have some kind of training in relationship counseling and have these same issues and concerns and questions that you post about on here. Either you're confabulating or...bored...or like to try to shock people...I'm not sure what.
You have turned down 4000 men? Now THAT'S a number I can not relate to. And I can't imagine that a woman who has turned down 4,000 men (or 1,000 or even 100) is as self-conscious, naive, and anxious as you. I'm trying to be nice but it doesn't add up... Realizing I've said before that it also isn't quite believable that you have some kind of training in relationship counseling and have these same issues and concerns and questions that you post about on here. Either you're confabulating or...bored...or like to try to shock people...I'm not sure what.
I am from LA which is full of aggressive men. Walking down the street you get men saying "Hey baby where you from?" If I ignore that I consider that a turn down. Or if I go on a date and I've been on probably 1000 dates and the guy makes a move or invites me to his place and I say no, that's a turn down. Or at a bar and a guy buys me drinks and invites me to his place.
I also lived abroad for several years in countries with extremely aggressive men. Men literally following me around sexually harassing me. Asking me to get a room with them.
Life has been pretty much constantly turning away sexual advances. I thought all women deal with this. But I think I just look like fluffy bunny prey. I don't think I am hotter or sexier than average. I just look like prey. And I lived in places where culturally men are very aggressive.
Yeah I probably should have seen it as a red flag when he asked. He asked how many partners I have had. Obviously it matters to him or he wouldn't have asked. He put me in the "not relationship material" box, but decided to go ahead and have fun, I think. (I didn't tell him but I think he figured it out.)
Yeah, what you describe, losing interest in sex in a relationship after awhile. That happens to me too which is about when the relationship ends. Then with a new guy I am a tiger again. I would really miss that tiger stage if I were married. I guess that's why some people choose ethical nonmonogamy.
@Peel ok I will try guys in their 40s now if I can and see if its different
Do guys seriously still ask this? What's the point? Any woman can lie and say she's only been with one or two guys when she's actually been with 50...
You have turned down 4000 men? Now THAT'S a number I can not relate to. And I can't imagine that a woman who has turned down 4,000 men (or 1,000 or even 100) is as self-conscious, naive, and anxious as you. I'm trying to be nice but it doesn't add up... Realizing I've said before that it also isn't quite believable that you have some kind of training in relationship counseling and have these same issues and concerns and questions that you post about on here. Either you're confabulating or...bored...or like to try to shock people...I'm not sure what.
This isn’t right. Why are you ascribing false motives to someone who is simply asking for feedback to get another point of view about her approach to relationships? I read what she wrote too and didn’t take it literally. “I’ve probably turned down 4000 men” likely means, “I’ve been asked out A LOT and didn’t sleep most of them”.
Whether or not she has training in psychology or relationships is also irrelevant, because even those who DO have to deal with interpersonal problems they can’t resolve on their own. The OP has also thanked everybody for their responses, but you seem to lay into her in every reply.
There’s not a person here: experienced, single, married or not, who’s figured relationships out. Can’t a person ask an honest question without being put down?
This isn’t right. Why are you ascribing false motives to someone who is simply asking for feedback to get another point of view about her approach to relationships? I read what she wrote too and didn’t take it literally. “I’ve probably turned down 4000 men” likely means, “I’ve been asked out A LOT and didn’t sleep most of them”.
Whether or not she has training in psychology or relationships is also irrelevant, because even those who DO have to deal with interpersonal problems they can’t resolve on their own. The OP has also thanked everybody for their responses, but you seem to lay into her in every reply.
There’s not a person here: experienced, single, married or not, who’s figured relationships out. Can’t a person ask an honest question without being put down?
Thank you for defending me.
Renee has appeared to get upset by my posts sometimes. We have DM ed some and she said she doesn't like the pop psych I talk about and questioned my education.
I do have a degree but yes indeed those that seek degrees on psychology or whatever often are trying to understand themselves!
I hope to make peace with Renee. She gives me helpful feedback too sometimes. I like her.
The 4000 thing might sound shocking but I left out the context that its just from being where the aggressive men are. If you haven't been to LA you don't even know!
I am from LA which is full of aggressive men. Walking down the street you get men saying "Hey baby where you from?" If I ignore that I consider that a turn down. Or if I go on a date and I've been on probably 1000 dates and the guy makes a move or invites me to his place and I say no, that's a turn down. Or at a bar and a guy buys me drinks and invites me to his place.
I also lived abroad for several years in countries with extremely aggressive men. Men literally following me around sexually harassing me. Asking me to get a room with them.
Life has been pretty much constantly turning away sexual advances. I thought all women deal with this. But I think I just look like fluffy bunny prey. I don't think I am hotter or sexier than average. I just look like prey. And I lived in places where culturally men are very aggressive.
They don't treat you respectfully. A lot of it could be the places you've lived but if it happens outside of that I would wonder what is going on. Do you have curves? Sometimes that is all it takes and guys can just become so rude.
Edit- I've spent time in LA as a young woman and it was skeevy, like Weinstein was the cultural role model. But there were so many gorgeous women there it took the pressure off of us, they got the worst of it.
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